Category: My weird, wonderful, insane, ranting, raving, articulating claptrap

As the title suggests it’s just a bit of everything.

  • You got a friend!

    So recently I’ve been seeing who my friends really are. I’ve been making new ones and finally seeing things clearly.

    So the day I was visited by three people. Well two and a dog. I got a visit from Carol, Lynn and Max. It was great to see them. We spent the afternoon sat in the garden chatting and playing with Max the dog. It was a great afternoon. It had been talked about for ages but today it finally happened.

    We talked about this that and everything else. We also talked about seeing people for who they truly are. Some nice some not so nice. A bit like Santa’s list.

    Also had a trip to the MS drop in. My sister took me down. It’s just an evening of chatting to other people affected by this bastard of a disease. It’s great to help new people understand what’s going on.

    I’ve also been doing a lot of work with crystals and my psychic side too. I’m a member of a couple of crystal Facebook groups and been helping people on there. I’ve been doing write ups about different crystals and saying they help with this and are good for that. That’s fun.

    I’ve also been doing a few readings on one of the groups too. The thread was set up so people posted a photo of them and if you’re drawn to them you give them a reading or what ever you picked up. Me being me and having to be different I posted on the thread saying I work the other way round. So I said I’ll do a reading if you’re drawn to me. So on that I’ve had a few people say they would like a reading. So I’ve done one. I’ve also done a reading for a friend. They were saying they’d like to know who was around them. So I told them.

    I’ve also been looked after by my sister for the last few days. She’s taken me out and had me round for tea. It’s been nice.

    So yes I’ve been in a fair bit of pain for the last few days but I feel good. Things seem to be going well for me. (My mum has injured herself though). My mum and dad have gone away for the week. So I’ve been left on my own. I wanted to see if I could cope and manage mentally. It’s only a couple of days in but I’m feeling pretty confident I can do it.

    I did have a stress before they went though. I was worried I didn’t have enough medication set out for the time they were away. And stressing pretty much about everything.

    Anyway short and sweet post.

    Love and light

  • Medicine!

    I feel a bit sad at the moment and it seems stupid to say why.

    I’ve been doing my pills with my mum today and putting them in boxes and stuff (organising them into pill boxes) so I don’t have to go rooting round for them. Not really we fill up two weeks worth of boxes. We managed one week but we didn’t have enough to do the second week.

    As I said stupid, but it feels like I failed. Not being able to fill two weeks worth of pill boxes. Stupid but these things get into my head and there isn’t much I can do about it.

    On another note in the last few week I found a Facebook group about crystals. It was completely by chance. But they do weekly selling videos on Facebook. All you need to do is say sold and what ever it is. They normally have a huge range of crystals so I’ve been able to increase my already large collection. In a way that’s medicine to. It’s just energy medicine. So I’ve been playing with crystals a lot again.

    I received my latest order this morning and that has some lovely things in it. Here a picture of the new toys I got today:

    As I said my collection is rather large already so I may as well show you that to:

    So yeah pretty large collection. It’s all good though.

    I’ve also been playing with my cards again recently. Started off doing card readings for different Facebook groups I’m in. That was fun. And my last post was a reading without cards. I knew I could do it. I can do readings for people without them but never tried to do a general reading for a group if that makes sense. I just needed to have a bit more faith and trust. So I built up the trust and took the leap of faith and did it. Not had anyone say it was right or wrong though but I know the reading I’ve done in the past for people have been accurate.

    Anyway I’m off to have a play with my crystals. See you all soon.

    Love and light.

  • Random reading attempt (no cards)

    So I feel like trying something I haven’t done before. I’m going to attempt to do a group reading/message without using cards. Have a read and let me know if it works for you.

    If you’ve seen my recent message on Facebook you’ll have seen that I’ve been playing with my cards recently. So let’s go one step further and do it without cards. I’ve been told I can do it by people on both sides so I just need to trust myself…………..

    So I’ve turned the telly off (well paused it) and dimmed the lights. If you’re sitting comfortably, we’ll begin.

    At the moment there is lots of chatter about this and that. Everyone seems to be being pulled in different directions. Everyone seems to think their direction is the best but they fail to realise that there is more than one way to go. Like the old saying “there is more than one way to skin a cat”. You need to make up your own mind about the path that’s right for you. Just remember not all paths are smooth.

    There are lessons you need to learn. And barriers that you need to overcome. You can do it, you have the strength inside. You just need to tap into it and the journey will be plain sailing.

    Each step along the path contains a lesson you need to learn. Just remember you need to accept something before you can move on and take the next step. If you don’t accept it you’ll end up stuck in the mud and really struggle to get going again.

    There are lots of help along the way. This will come from other people and spirit. They’re there even if you don’t believe. Sometime sending love and sometimes giving you the kick up the arse that’s needed to get moving.

    Just remember there are always people and spirits ready and willing to help. All you need to do is ask. They’ll help, teach and guide if you can hear them or not.

    The best tool to help on the path is love. If you do everything from a place of love and light you’ll be able to fly.

    If you need to you can always take a step back to see the bigger picture. Sometimes the challenges that life throws at you can feel and seem insurmountable, if you take the step back you can see them for what they truly are. Don’t make mountains out of mole hills. Things are never as bad as they seem. Just think one day you’ll be able to look back on them and laugh. And when you’ve got through them it will make you a better and stronger person. Just ask for help if you need it. Help is always there.

    It’s time to start organising things, putting them in order and for a clear out. I know it’s a bit late for a spring clean but that’s the sort of thing you need to do. Start getting rid of people and things that don’t serve you on your journey. By serve you I don’t mean bring you drinks. I mean the people and things that hold you back and clip your wings. Sometimes though it can feel hard to do. I understand that, I’ve been through it it isn’t easy but it’s one of the best things you can do. Just remember that once these things are removed it will set you free.

    Be free, spread your wings. Live life with love and with light. If someone has a problem with you. It’s their problem not your. Don’t worry about it. There is a great song by Ru Paul called sissy that walk. It’s one of those songs that has powerful lyrics. The line I feel that fits here is “unless they paying your bills, pay them bitches no mind”.

    If I fly or if I fall least I can say I gave it all. That’s another line from the song. Again do every thing you do to the best of your ability. If it’s cooking, gardening, cleaning or working in an office, just do your best and do it with love. It will make you shine.

    Listen to the song. It’s awesome:

    Love and light

  • I feel awesome.

    I feel freaking awesome. I did it.

    Saying it now makes it seem small and pretty pointless but if you think that, you can piss right off. It is for me, a major achievement. And it’s a massive FUCK you to this bastard of a disease.

    You may or may not know that I have been struggling with major anxiety recently. Especially when it comes to crowds of people. It can be even worse when the crowd is people I don’t know. Panic attacks, hyperventilating, dizzy, trembling. All the things that come with anxiety for me. There are probably more but I’m not bothering about them right now.

    Tonight I went to the local spiritual church. I haven’t been on a Tuesday for a while. So I went early to get some healing. I love getting healing. With what’s been going on recently for me it was needed too. So had the healing and all went well, no major issues, there never is with healing. Only thing I found with the healing was that it was the strongest I’ve felt it for a long time. There were plenty of spirits working on me as well. It was great and well needed.

    The other thing that happened tonight was that it was a bit of a special night. There were 4 mediums on that have been trained by a lady called Mavis Pittilla. I have to admit that I hadn’t heard of her. She wasn’t there but her students were. She is a famous medium, and well known teacher. So anything to do with her draws quite a large crowd to spiritualist churches. As it’s a church thing that’s probably why I hadn’t heard of her.

    The crowd that turned up is about 5 times what it used to be on an average Tuesday. So I think there were about 50 people there. Nearly all of them I didn’t know. Let’s just say I started getting worried as people started to arrive. I ended up sat on the door for a little while at the begging. Taking money and stuff like that. The confusion started and I had no idea how I managed to cope, but I did. The lady that runs the building came and took over so I was saved lol.

    I then went inside and took my seat. I told a good friend Tracy I wanted to go and probably needed someone to sit with and help if I needed it. Tracy ended up chairing the night but her mum was there. Her mum, the amazing lady took me under her wing and looked after me. As the evening began and people were arriving, more and more. The noise in the room started to grow too. I think Tracy’s mum started to realise I was struggling. So she started talking to me and asking questions. I did struggle talking a little bit and struggled paying attention to what she was saying because of the other noises in the room.

    Anyway she managed to take my mind of the anxiety and helped me focus on me and calm down. The room grew quiet as the mediums entered. Oooo that sounds quite dramatic for me. Anyway it then became a normal sort of mediumship demo night. Each of the mediums took theirs turns and gave a couple of readings. At one point, I nearly got a reading, it then moved on to Tracy’s mum. The weird thing was that just before the medium started the word Gran popped into my mind. I know she was about, she was helping me calm down and wanted to chat. I did say to her though, that if you want to talk you’ll need to do it properly and go to the mediums that were working or find me later. It’s strange having to be forceful with loved ones.

    So the message passed from me. And then became a really nice message for Tracy’s mum, Tracy’s daughter was there to and on the same row as us. She listened to this message and to her it sounded exactly like her other gran. So most people know that spirit work in mysterious ways. And they did. So inadvertently, they gave a message to three people at the same time.

    The night ended, I helped clean up at the end and pack away chairs and stuff. But because I got through it I was buzzing. I got to have a quick chat with Tracy and thanked her mum with a massive hug. They both are amazing women and helped me out so much tonight it’s unbelievable.

    So I GOT THROUGH IT. I didn’t just survive, I fought, and did it. Tracy’s mum said that to me at the end. Surviving make it sound like something bad happened to me. It didn’t, nothing bad. If anything it was great. It showed me how strong I am and how much I can do. On my own and with the help of spirit and other people.

    So I feel amazing and like I have really achieved something, which I know I have.that is why I feel awesome.

    Just thought I’d share with you all the great things that have happened.

    Love and light.

  • Massive update.

    I know it’s been a long time since my last post but thats mainly because I feel I’ve been put through the wringer recently.

    I haven’t had a great time recently. Not sure f you saw the Facebook post the other day. But here goes the list of what’s been going on.

    1. Having a possible ms relapse.
    2. Old MS symptoms have been flaring up.
    3. Emotions completely messed up.
    4. Losing my driving licence.
    5. Temperature control issues.
    6. Getting told off by MS nurses.
    7. Starting to diet.
    8. Possible food allergy.
  • So let’s start going through the list of problems.
  • The possible MS relapse
  • My mum, dad and GP think I may be having a relapse as new symptoms have appeared. Recently I’ve been trembling, shaking and shuddering uncontrollably. It’s not great. Especially trying to shave. Last few days though it has calmed down thankfully. It does seem to get a lot worse though if the anxiety kicks off. The MS nurses seem to think it’s unlikely to be a relapse though due to the treatment I’m on. They did ask the neurologist who said better to make sure, so he is sending me for another MRI. Just have to wait for the appointment to come through.
  • Old symptoms flaring up.
  • A lot of the symptoms I already have have been playing up recently to. I’ve been getting a lot of pain, a lot of dizziness, and spent most of my time confused. Oh I forgot what I was going to say. Nothing new there. Oh yeah, it’s, sorry forgot again. Concentration, that’s the other one. When other things are happening I can’t concentrate on what I’m trying to do. Like having a conversation and not being able to focus on it, getting distracted by other noises, music playing, TV. If you hadn’t guessed memory is also an issues. There’s been times when I have completely forgotten something. At one point I was convinced I needed to call my manager and say I won’t be in work coz I’m not well. I haven’t been in work for over 12 months and I finished in February or March. It’s been crap. Everyone including me seems to think this is related to the hot weather recently. I know most people love it but I don’t. It makes anyone with ms struggle and makes their symptoms go on overload. I think we’ve had enough now lol.
  • Completely messed up emotions.
  • How many times have I been in tears over the last week or so. It seems to be a near daily occurrence. Most of the time I know something is happening but have no idea what. I know I don’t feel right but not sure how or what’s wrong. No idea how to explain what’s happening. I’m tagging my anxiety issues in here to. That has been on smack recently. Crowds, people I don’t know, loud high pitched noises even noises from the car so windows opening, parking sensors, other people honking. It just freaks me out. And at the times I can’t cope all I can do is cry.
  • Losing my driving licence.
  • Not much I can say about that. It’s happened. I was shocked when the letter came and it said I have to send it off. Again more tears. I expected it but it now feels real. I thought I would be able to keep the card and they just did something to cancel it. I haven’t driven for over 12 months and being honest the thought of driving now scares me shitless. Just thinking I can get confused while driving and killing myself or someone else. Not worth thinking about. It’s amazing how attached you can get to a plastic card.
  • Temperature Control
  • Last few days I haven’t been able to control my body temperature. One minute I’ve been hot, the next I’ve been cold, then hot and cold at the same time. I’ve been wrapped up stripped down. It’s been really awkward.
  • Getting told off by the MS Nurses
  • Well had an appointment with them the other day. During that they told me off for focusing on MS. And in a way they were right. Most of the things I’ve done recently have been MS related. Working with The MS Society, going to hospital appointments for ms, going to other MS events. Talking about MS. Basically they said I have MS it does not have me. I need to stop focusing on it. It sounds silly but it was right. It was the kick up the area I needed. They even mentioned putting on weight. Which I have. And I need to stop comparing myself to others. Again another thing I’ve been doing. Anywhere I’ve been that there has been other people that are ill, MS or something else I’ve compared myself and felt I’ve been the worst one. Mainly cos I was sat in a wheel chair. Not the best thing to do.
  • Starting to Diet.
  • Well I didn’t want to do it. But I went to weight watchers with my mum and dad. To get out of the house for something that wasn’t MS related. My sister decided to sign me up. What fun that was. She made me get on the scales. I was scared because I was expecting a really bad number. But it wasn’t which is good. The fateful number was 15, 11. I expected about 18 or something. It’s not to bad cos the last time I weighed myself it was 14 something. So not bad for not being mobile anymore. Anyway I started the diet on Friday morning. Had the odd craving now and then but nothing major.
  • And finally the possible food allergy
  • Well after a couple of meals recently I haven’t been well. At first we though it was chilli. But then was ill after a meal with out it. So looking to see what’s in these meals. It turns out the only thing that was the same in both of them was bell peppers. I know paprika doesn’t like me and after a quick google search I found out that it’s made from mashed up dried bell peppers. So it looks like I have an allergy to them. What fun.
  • Anyway. That is definitely enough ranting raving and rambling from me. Hope everyone is good. Love and light.

  • What a week

    Well I think I told you about my trip to Salford hospital for the MS day and the near breakdown I had. If I didn’t never mind.

    There has been more the last week. As in a couple of breakdowns. All for the sheer sake of having them. I’ve just really struggled this week. I’m not sure if it’s another relapse or what but that the way the cookie crumbles.

    Panic attacks have been rearing their ugly head again. What fun they are. One of them was because my mum was doing Skye washing up and putting an oven tray away. The other trays in the cupboard decided to make a bid for freedom with a massive crash bang wallop. I was in the other room at the time and the bang decided to scare me senseless and have a breakdown. That was one.

    Another was a normal evening. Well late afternoon really. Mum had just picked Harvey up from school and brought him round. Then all of a sudden Harvey’s Other Grandad decides to turn up. As it wasn’t expected it sent me into a blind panic. I had to get out of the way as quick as I could. I don’t mind people coming round as long as I know them and their visit is pre arranged. So I can build myself up to it. Otherwise it just totally freaks me out. So I dashed upstairs as quick as I could. Not that easy with sore legs, a walking stick, while juddering and hyperventilating.

    I tried to calm down as best I could. I struggled. So thought I’ll go in the bathroom and have a shower. I needed to get ready for a trip out later. I thought the bathroom will be safe I can lock the door and the sound from the shower will drown out the sound of any voices from downstairs. Being a bit of a scruff bag I needed to have a shave as hadn’t had one for a few days. So I sat on my stool in the shower and decided to start shaving.

    That was an experience. I’m surprised I didn’t go full on Sweeney Todd and slit my throat. Shaving whilst having the shakes and judders and random muscle twitches isn’t the easiest of things to do. Especially while using a razor as opposed to an electric shaver. How I didn’t cut myself I’ll never know. Finished my shower and got out to get dried and dressed. The voices still came up from downstairs. So I started huffing and puffing again. Shut myself in my room and started the search for my inhaler. It helps with the breathing. (Even though I’ve never been told I have asthma).

    Then all of a sudden I heard the goodbyes come up. Thank fuck he’s leaving. So trundled downstairs. While in flood of tears in agony with my legs To my wonderful mother. She always manages to calm me down and sort me out. I love my mum. She’s awesome. My dads cool too.

    So she sorted me out and then things carried on as normal.we went out and all was fine. Other than the obvious.

    So yeah, recently I’ve started shuddering, juddering and having random muscle twitches. Walking or wheeling around with my left had hooked. I’ve no idea where that has come from. It is however an MS symptom. As I’ve never had it before I’m not sure if it’s a relapse or not. It could always be something else. I have noticed though it seems to get a lot worse if I’m in an uncomfortable situation, nervous about something, or something is happening with lots of people round me.

    Anyway. I think I mentioned somewhere about trying to get a new phone on the apple upgrade plan. So try as we did I originally failed the credit check they do on you. This is despite have a very good credit score on a couple of different sites like ClearScore and Experian. The credit check failed. Booo. So after that my marvellous dad gets on the phone to Barclays the people who sort out the financial agreement. He gets told that the automated system they use failed me because we said I’m on benefits. It didn’t seem to take anything else into account. After talking to loads of different people they came back with the answer that we needed to do something called a hand hold application.

    So me and my dad decided to take another trip back to the Trafford Centre to the apple store. Me thinking awesome it’s all gonna work and I’m gonna get a new phone. When we got there the nice girl that helped us the other day tried to help us again. So we explained the situation and said that she needed to do this special kind of application. She then said I’ve never heard of that I need to go and check. We though ok that’s fine. She then came back over with someone else, I’m guessing a manager or something. And he said they only do the automatic one. At which point the nerves started kicking in for me. My dad explained that we were given a number they were supposed to ring blah blah blah. The tried to call the number and nothing happened. I tried to call the number and again nothing happened. So they said if you’ve been pre approved there shouldn’t be a problem with the automated check they do. So again being extremely nervous at this point we went trough it again. This time though the nice lady tried it a little differently. She entered everything manually. And she said go a little bit slowly through the terms and conditions. So we did. And then……. the credit check came back as failed.

    So by this time I was on the verge of another breakdown. I was managing just to hold it together though. I kept getting some support though from my dad. The typical man thing of a pat on the shoulder. It still helped though so it was good. By this time my dad was getting pretty pissed of with the whole thing and he could tell how it was getting to me. The lovely lady said right 2 options. You can walk away or you can carry it all on but in my dads name. We take the phone you have and it all carries on in my dads name and I just pay him rather than Barclays. So my wonderful amazing dad decided to do it that way. He sorted it all out.

    So I’m now sat here with my awesome new phone. Thanks daddy. I’ve had it a few days now and I’m still not used to this Face ID thing and not having a home button. I’ll get there though.

    Another thing I be found today completely by accident is a crystal sale shop on Facebook. It was a complete fluke. They were doing a Facebook live sale. It was all crystals. If you know me I’m a bit of a crystal nut. I love em. So I really enjoyed that.

    On another note. I became a member of another crystal group on Facebook too. That group has been amazing. People just asking the group about different things. Like, what crystal is good for this or that. And how do you do this. It’s been a great resource. And I’ve also been able to help people on there too. I think I’ve loved that more. I like having a bit of a purpose. And these crystal Facebook groups are great as they are all positive.

    Right I’ve waffled and rambled on for long enough. I think I should call it a day.

    Love and light and see you all again soon.

  • Bad day!

    Oh my god. Today has been one of the worst days I’ve had for a while. Severe lack of sleep, fatigue, pain, , dizziness, and panic attacks and probably more that I just can’t think of.Today I had to get up early, well earliest I’ve had to get up for a while. I wouldn’t mind but I didn’t get to sleep last night until gone 4. I then had to be up at 7:30.Had a trip to the hospital today for an MS info day. I went with my mum. On the way there driving down the motorway, I was so scared. I hated it. Was paranoid that someone was going to plough into the car, that my mum was speeding when she wasn’t. Other cars or vans beeping. I just hated every second of the journey. We got there early which I’m glad about I hate being late or on the minutes. I just can’t cope with it anymore.When we arrived we sat in the waiting area as more and more and more people started to arrive. The sheer number of people had me on edge. It didn’t help that I felt like everyone was staring at me. I think I was the person who had suffered the most from this bastard of a disability. I was hobbling round with my stick while nearly everyone else was just walking around normally.As we sat there waiting for it to start I was ready for just going home and on the verge of bursting into tears. I was really struggling to cope. Eventually the time came to have my morning medication. I also took some painkillers too. I needed them. It took a little while for the drugs to start working but once they did I did start to feel better.During the session there was different people talking about different aspects of the disease. They were talking about different treatments and different services that were available to get help. I think most people there had been recently diagnosed and were deciding which treatment path to take. I’ve already decided that and had the first round of treatment.I did find it funny that they were saying most people only have like 1 or 2 relapses in a year before treatment and then they get better. I found it really funny because before treatment I had about 12 relapses and yes I’ve got better with somethings but not from others. I’ve always said I don’t do things by halves. I go big or go home. There was a guy from the MS society there who did a little talk. That was quite good. I actually got to put a face to a name that I had heard a fair few times in different group team meetings. So I got to at least say hi to him. It was one of those days where I was having issues talking so didn’t really have a conversation. My mother jumped in and introduced herself and me.The rest of the talks were pretty boring for me. I think my mum got more from it that me. I found em boring because they were talking about things I’ve either experienced or that I’m going through and living with.The last talk of the day was by a guy that has MS. He was talking about his experiences and how he copes with things. He runs a social media group about ms and how to look more positively at it.When the sessions finished me and mum decided to go over to the main building. There is an M&S in there. To get over to the main building though I had to get mum to go to the car and get my chair. I was too tired and in too much pain to walk over. So we picked up some bits for lunch. Again nearly having a breakdown in the store. Too many people round me. It’s like your personal space being invaded but on smack. Again I just can’t cope with crowds or big groups of people I don’t know. Mum suggested sitting in the garden at the hospital and eating our lunch. I said I wouldn’t be able to cope. It felt like it was a million degrees. And hate sitting in the sun now. The heat aggravates all my symptoms. So we headed back to the car. Finally somewhere with only two of us. Somewhere I could feel safe and not crowded.We then headed home. This trip wasn’t as bad. Gave my mum a bit of a lesson on using the cruise control in the car and using the speed limiter. Not sure if she was genuinely interested in using them or if it was just a ploy to distract me. Either way we both got something out of it.Got home and slobbed. Think I had an afternoon nap too. And that’s about it for the day. Not a great one but I got through it.As always Love and Light.

  • Changes at speed!

    I have absolutely no idea what’s going on at the moment. I’m lost, I’m confused and at times struggling to speak because I can’t process what’s going on. I’m feel really low because all I want is a new home and people are calling others and things going back and forth. I just don’t know.On the other note something I know that is happening is that I have found support and purpose with the lovely ladies from the local branch of the MS society. So much so I’m now joining the team (the new version of a committee) I’m going to be helping out with all things technical and computer based. I think it will involve a lot of work so it will keep me occupied and out of mischief. The volunteer application form was sent off today so hopefully I’ll hear something soon.As for things changing and happening I know it’s something that happens all the time. It’s something that makes the world go round and something that makes us move forward. Moving forward is a good thing. Why be stuck in the past. ThatS been and gone and no amount of hoping can make it change.Going to live in the past isn’t good either. There are so many people that want it to come back because things were good back then. Yes they were but back then thinks were different and not for the better. The only way to get anywhere is to accept things that have been and learn from them. Things that have been and gone were all lessons. Some may have been good and some may have been bad. Yes one of my main modes of transportation now may be a wheel chair but I’m looking at it as it’s a way around I can get about. I can go from a to b. Walking causes me a lot of pain and an immense amount of tiredness and stress so I don’t do it as much as I did.You see the signs on the motorway saying tiredness can kill. For me it can. When I’m tired I get really really confused and don’t really know what’s going on. I could easily make a mistake that could impact my life even more or at worst severely affect someone else’s. That’s not something I want to be responsible for.The only way I would like to affect people’s lives is for the better. I want to fill others lives with love, light, healing and precious times and memories. I want to help people and do what’s right.This illness or condition I have (what ever you want to call it) is affecting my life in lots of different ways. At the end of the day it’s a lesson. It’s teaching me things I need to learn that will make me a better person.I’m still confused about what’s going on but now I know I have to ask for help. That’s another point asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a way of looking at things a different way, getting a different perspective if you will. Looking at things differently teaches you to accept situations and helps you move forward. Moving forward has to be a good thing. I’m not talking about progress for the sake of progress but evolution. Things have to evolve. It’s the way nature intended things to happen.If we didn’t evolve, we would still be slug things floating around in that primordial gloop. We wouldn’t have phones, we wouldn’t be able to connect with people on the other side of the earth, I wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing now. Evolution has to be a good thing. We have to accept other people’s differences and work together. It’s the only way we as a species will get anywhere.Anyway, I’m of to carry on being confused and get some help. Love and light to everyone and please pass that on to all you come into contact with.

  • To be or not to be, that is the question!

    Right I’m not talking about Shakespeare, I just think that quote is rather fitting at the moment for lots of people and lots of things.

    It’s a bit like what Yoda said, “do or do not, there is no try”. I think that’s fitting to. I think it’s time for people to move forwards and do what feels right or what is right and be open to correction or help from where ever it may come from.

    Recently I have been doing a lot of work on my spiritual side. I’ve been learning new things and techniques, I’ve been learning things on new and different subjects. I feel I have come to the point where I need to start being, and accept myself for who I am.

    There are so many people in this world that are hiding who they are and wearing masks. The masks can be physical as in wearing lots of makeup to hide their true face or they can be mental or emotional. People wear masks most of the time to try and fit in with other people and other groups of people.

    I’ve done it myself. Saying things like “I’ve got to put my work head on now”. Why do people need to change what and who they are just to fit in? The society we live in has become accepting to lots of different things recently. They accept LGBT people, they accept people of different religions, people of different races and so on. Why in a world that’s accepting people do we feel we have to hide or change who and what we are?

    I don’t think we should have to do that anymore. I’ve had enough of hiding and I want to be proud of who I am. If people don’t like me it’s there problem not mine. I feel I am accepting of lots of things that I feel are right. There are some parts from different religions and some parts of other things. If it’s right I work with it. I would never tell anyone that things must be done in a certain way, everyone has to find what is right for them. I feel it is completely wrong for anyone to try and change someone or something else just so they fit in.

    Does fitting in really mean that much anymore? Years ago people who were different were abused, pushed aside, exciled, forgotten or publicly shunned. It’s like years ago being gay was a crime and you could be locked up or even chemically castrated. With that I’m talking about Alan Turing. He was a great person that built the machine that broke the Nazi German codes during world war 2. And later in his life was chemically castrated for being gay. In some places around the world being gay is still a capital offence which carries the death penalty. It’s just wrong! To force people to deny who they truly are just so they will fit in with a cruel and unjust system. Love is love no matter what or where it comes from.

    Most of it is decided by people who hate. I’m sure we can all agree that doing anything that comes from hate is bad. Like Trump and his trade war and the separation of kids from their parents. People attacking other innocent people because of the colour of their skin, their religion, or how they identify them self. Do everything you do from a place of love and light.

    People are people, they are human beings. We all share this world so we should all try and get along. It’s the only way we can progress and move forward. There are so many things that are separating groups of people from others, Brexit, Trump (the trade war and the wall he wants to build). No one is able to explain how and why separation is a good thing.

    We must work together to improve. I feel it’s the same with the government. (Labour and Conservative) why must one be the opposition? Surely if they worked together for the good of the country things would improve. Rather than saying No all the time to the others suggestions just because they come from a different party. If it’s a good idea I think it should be discussed, improvements made and then put into practice. I think this would work better than the way they are doing things at the moment.

    Why argue all the time? Why hate? Why distance yourself?

    Why don’t we just work together to make good and lasting improvements? This has to be the way forward. The past has been and gone and there is nothing we can do to change it. We must accept it, learn from it and take the next step. It’s the only way to move forward.

    Basically all I’m saying is accept who you truly are, stand tall and love unconditionally. Accept other people for who they are too.

    To accept yourself is a truly freeing exercise. You have to do it for yourself first and once you accept who you are and start loving yourself you can start accepting everyone and everything else.

    To start accepting myself I feel I have to write the following list (you could write your own list too) you have to put down everything you are, even if you don’t like it, it’s still part of You. I feel it’s the only way to stop hiding away and get rid of the masks we wear. Here is my list:

    I am disabled.

    I have MS it does not have me.

    I am a spiritual person.

    I work with the energy of the Universe.

    I am a healer.

    I work with crystals and other healing methods.

    I am psychic.

    I am a natural clairvoyant medium.

    I am gay.

    My life has changed.

    I love myself and everything else.

    I am a being of light.

    I do the things I do honestly and openly.

    I am grateful for everything in my life.

    I am a compassionate person.

    Some of the things on that list may shock you, some may not. But it is time for us all to be who we truly are and help others along this journey that we call life.

    Find the light on any situation and you will be able to find your way home.

    On that deep and meaningful note I think it’s time to wrap things up.

    Love and Light!

     

  • Going with the flow.

    Going with the flow. What does that mean?

    Chugging along with normal activities, doing what everyone expects you to do, doing what everyone else is doing.

    Most people know about the work I’ve been doing with spirit and energy. If you don’t, do you really know me? I’ve been doing a lot of work recently with reiki, karuna, crystals and with mediumship. Recently though I’ve started seeing the flow of energy. Whether this is between people, crystals or something else it’s been very interesting. It’s like looking at a deeper level of the connection that everyone has with everything around them.

    Seeing the connection between people has been one of the most interesting things. Seeing how the connection works and seeing the energy flow back and forth between them. It’s has really made me think about how that energy can be used or in some cases misused. By that I don’t mean cursing people or anything like that but it has given me insight to that sort of thing. Before the “burn the witch” calls start coming I haven’t been doing anything like that. As you all know I’m a good boy.

    Seeing the flow has made me realise how easy it is for other people to affect you and how easy it is to affect other people. Mostly these things are done with out intending to affect other people and can by done so easily by mistake. Just think about it. Cast your mind back to the last argument you had with someone. Heated words can and probably were used. Think of those words as little energetic missiles. When they hit they can hurt and cause damage.

    These missiles can be fired without realising. Having a conversation with a friend about someone else. Saying how you don’t like the clothes they’re wearing, or the way they’ve done their makeup. It’s really easy to fire the missile there are two examples. Just think how those comments could affect the person they are aimed at. That person may be concerned about their appearance or may have health problems that are affecting them, you just don’t know.

    It goes back to that old saying “the pen is mightier than the sword”. Words have power! You may have already realised that fact but I think I needs repeating. Just remember when you talking you’re broadcasting energy. Please make sure it’s positive.

    On the other hand, seeing the positive energy flowing between people is great. Seeing how love and positivity affects someone. It lifts them up and makes them feel good. Slagging someone off can make them feel awful and unwanted. Rather than thinking feel, how would you feel if these things were being said about you? Probably not great. So be nice.

    Remember karma, the rule of three, the law of attraction or which ever way you look at it. What you send out comes back to you. If you’re only sending out good things you’ll only get good things back. Seems really simple, it’s just amazing how many people don’t realise it.

    As I said I’ve been doing loads of energy work recently so I’m trying to send out positive vibes. I added a new page to this site the other day about reiki. If you’re interested go have a look. Anyway sending out the love and the light to everyone you come into contact with, it’s the only way we can make this world a better place.

    I’ll leave you with that for now.
    Love and light.