Oh my god. Today has been one of the worst days I’ve had for a while. Severe lack of sleep, fatigue, pain, , dizziness, and panic attacks and probably more that I just can’t think of.Today I had to get up early, well earliest I’ve had to get up for a while. I wouldn’t mind but I didn’t get to sleep last night until gone 4. I then had to be up at 7:30.Had a trip to the hospital today for an MS info day. I went with my mum. On the way there driving down the motorway, I was so scared. I hated it. Was paranoid that someone was going to plough into the car, that my mum was speeding when she wasn’t. Other cars or vans beeping. I just hated every second of the journey. We got there early which I’m glad about I hate being late or on the minutes. I just can’t cope with it anymore.When we arrived we sat in the waiting area as more and more and more people started to arrive. The sheer number of people had me on edge. It didn’t help that I felt like everyone was staring at me. I think I was the person who had suffered the most from this bastard of a disability. I was hobbling round with my stick while nearly everyone else was just walking around normally.As we sat there waiting for it to start I was ready for just going home and on the verge of bursting into tears. I was really struggling to cope. Eventually the time came to have my morning medication. I also took some painkillers too. I needed them. It took a little while for the drugs to start working but once they did I did start to feel better.During the session there was different people talking about different aspects of the disease. They were talking about different treatments and different services that were available to get help. I think most people there had been recently diagnosed and were deciding which treatment path to take. I’ve already decided that and had the first round of treatment.I did find it funny that they were saying most people only have like 1 or 2 relapses in a year before treatment and then they get better. I found it really funny because before treatment I had about 12 relapses and yes I’ve got better with somethings but not from others. I’ve always said I don’t do things by halves. I go big or go home. There was a guy from the MS society there who did a little talk. That was quite good. I actually got to put a face to a name that I had heard a fair few times in different group team meetings. So I got to at least say hi to him. It was one of those days where I was having issues talking so didn’t really have a conversation. My mother jumped in and introduced herself and me.The rest of the talks were pretty boring for me. I think my mum got more from it that me. I found em boring because they were talking about things I’ve either experienced or that I’m going through and living with.The last talk of the day was by a guy that has MS. He was talking about his experiences and how he copes with things. He runs a social media group about ms and how to look more positively at it.When the sessions finished me and mum decided to go over to the main building. There is an M&S in there. To get over to the main building though I had to get mum to go to the car and get my chair. I was too tired and in too much pain to walk over. So we picked up some bits for lunch. Again nearly having a breakdown in the store. Too many people round me. It’s like your personal space being invaded but on smack. Again I just can’t cope with crowds or big groups of people I don’t know. Mum suggested sitting in the garden at the hospital and eating our lunch. I said I wouldn’t be able to cope. It felt like it was a million degrees. And hate sitting in the sun now. The heat aggravates all my symptoms. So we headed back to the car. Finally somewhere with only two of us. Somewhere I could feel safe and not crowded.We then headed home. This trip wasn’t as bad. Gave my mum a bit of a lesson on using the cruise control in the car and using the speed limiter. Not sure if she was genuinely interested in using them or if it was just a ploy to distract me. Either way we both got something out of it.Got home and slobbed. Think I had an afternoon nap too. And that’s about it for the day. Not a great one but I got through it.As always Love and Light.