I feel freaking awesome. I did it.

Saying it now makes it seem small and pretty pointless but if you think that, you can piss right off. It is for me, a major achievement. And it’s a massive FUCK you to this bastard of a disease.

You may or may not know that I have been struggling with major anxiety recently. Especially when it comes to crowds of people. It can be even worse when the crowd is people I don’t know. Panic attacks, hyperventilating, dizzy, trembling. All the things that come with anxiety for me. There are probably more but I’m not bothering about them right now.

Tonight I went to the local spiritual church. I haven’t been on a Tuesday for a while. So I went early to get some healing. I love getting healing. With what’s been going on recently for me it was needed too. So had the healing and all went well, no major issues, there never is with healing. Only thing I found with the healing was that it was the strongest I’ve felt it for a long time. There were plenty of spirits working on me as well. It was great and well needed.

The other thing that happened tonight was that it was a bit of a special night. There were 4 mediums on that have been trained by a lady called Mavis Pittilla. I have to admit that I hadn’t heard of her. She wasn’t there but her students were. She is a famous medium, and well known teacher. So anything to do with her draws quite a large crowd to spiritualist churches. As it’s a church thing that’s probably why I hadn’t heard of her.

The crowd that turned up is about 5 times what it used to be on an average Tuesday. So I think there were about 50 people there. Nearly all of them I didn’t know. Let’s just say I started getting worried as people started to arrive. I ended up sat on the door for a little while at the begging. Taking money and stuff like that. The confusion started and I had no idea how I managed to cope, but I did. The lady that runs the building came and took over so I was saved lol.

I then went inside and took my seat. I told a good friend Tracy I wanted to go and probably needed someone to sit with and help if I needed it. Tracy ended up chairing the night but her mum was there. Her mum, the amazing lady took me under her wing and looked after me. As the evening began and people were arriving, more and more. The noise in the room started to grow too. I think Tracy’s mum started to realise I was struggling. So she started talking to me and asking questions. I did struggle talking a little bit and struggled paying attention to what she was saying because of the other noises in the room.

Anyway she managed to take my mind of the anxiety and helped me focus on me and calm down. The room grew quiet as the mediums entered. Oooo that sounds quite dramatic for me. Anyway it then became a normal sort of mediumship demo night. Each of the mediums took theirs turns and gave a couple of readings. At one point, I nearly got a reading, it then moved on to Tracy’s mum. The weird thing was that just before the medium started the word Gran popped into my mind. I know she was about, she was helping me calm down and wanted to chat. I did say to her though, that if you want to talk you’ll need to do it properly and go to the mediums that were working or find me later. It’s strange having to be forceful with loved ones.

So the message passed from me. And then became a really nice message for Tracy’s mum, Tracy’s daughter was there to and on the same row as us. She listened to this message and to her it sounded exactly like her other gran. So most people know that spirit work in mysterious ways. And they did. So inadvertently, they gave a message to three people at the same time.

The night ended, I helped clean up at the end and pack away chairs and stuff. But because I got through it I was buzzing. I got to have a quick chat with Tracy and thanked her mum with a massive hug. They both are amazing women and helped me out so much tonight it’s unbelievable.

So I GOT THROUGH IT. I didn’t just survive, I fought, and did it. Tracy’s mum said that to me at the end. Surviving make it sound like something bad happened to me. It didn’t, nothing bad. If anything it was great. It showed me how strong I am and how much I can do. On my own and with the help of spirit and other people.

So I feel amazing and like I have really achieved something, which I know I have.that is why I feel awesome.

Just thought I’d share with you all the great things that have happened.

Love and light.