Category: My weird, wonderful, insane, ranting, raving, articulating claptrap

That is a bit of an interesting question. I haven’t really don’t much to be honest. I’m making some headway in the garden though. My new compost bins arrived yesterday. So I’ve emptied the sacks I had spuds growing in. They have gone in one of them.

I think I’ve overdone it a bit today though. Over exerted myself you could say. I think that because I’ve spent most of the evening in a confused haze.

There are still a few things I have to empty into the bins, but I do have to figure out what are weeds and what are plants I wanted to grow.

I’m trying to only grow things that have a use and are edible or give me something at the end. There are one or two flowering plants though. You have to have something that’s pretty don’t you?

My nephew has been quite awkward though over the past couple of days. I have had to retreat to my room or to the greenhouse when he has started. I haven’t been able to cope with him. It’s pretty pants, that I can’t cope with confrontation, especially from a 6 year old. He never wants to read, write or do any of his homework.

I have another day in the garden tomorrow and will end up stinking of jays fluid. They joys. But needs must, I have to clean up the bags and pots that have been used. Just hope I find a dry patch in the weather. Going to an ms support group on Friday though so that should be fun. It’s a trip out anyway.

The weirdest thing that’s happened today is I was contacted by an old friend. Someone I haven’t spoken to for a long time. It was great to have a bit of a chat and catch up. Just a shame it was over the phone though.

Love and light.

Yesterday was a really good day. I did find it a long day though. I went to a mind, body and spirit show with my mum and my sister. It was a great day and got to see a really good friend.

My friend is called Sarah. She is a natural psychic and clairvoyant medium that does lots of other spiritually things. Like past life regression and reiki and stuff like that. She’s great. She has taught me so much stuff over the past few years and has been a great inspiration to me. She is the one that helped me to access properly the wonderful world of spirit. She taught me how to use the gifts and skills I have. I can’t express the love and gratitude I have for this wonderful lady enough. Love and light Sarah and thank you.

well the day started off like any other day really. I dragged my lazy ass out of bed and had a shower. Got ready and did my hair then had some toast for breakfast. The breakfast was on the orders of my mother. Have to do as I’m told lol. We piled into the car and set off for event city (near the Trafford centre). We pulled up a little early and joined the queue. There was a yoga show and vega show on all at the same time. The yoga show meant lots of people wandering round in Lycra. Some looked ok and as you’d expect some didn’t. Once we checked in we had to wait for the doors to open.

We were in the foyer for about 10 minuets. I started to feel really uncomfortable in there even though we we told to wait at the side. There were just so many people floating about waiting to get in. I’m really hating crowds and busy places now. They set my anxiety off. After a while we were let in. They asked a couple of disabled people to go to the side and we were told we’d go in first. Being sat in a wheel chair has got to have advantages.

When we got in we headed straigt for the mind and body area. Trawling through the yoga section to get there. I wasn’t really paying attention to much of what was in there. I knew we’d go round it later. Getting to the mind and body bit of the show there was a hell of a lot going on. People milling around and looking at the different shops and exhibits. People signing up for readings and going for different treatments and stuff. In advertantly we had stopped just next to Sarah’s stand or cubicle or what ever you want to call it. So we stopped for a bit of a chat. She did end up having to put my name down in here first slot though just because we were spending so much time gassing.

It was great catching up. We talked about how much we’ve both changed over the past 12 months and other things that have been going on. Nothing really psychic or spiritual though. Save that sort of thing for readings. I did put my name down for a reading later in the day and said we would go to the talk she was doing. Just glad my name was down twice in different writing otherwise it would have looked like I was a needy psycho. When we were done chatting it was time to explore the rest of the stalls and exhibits.

We had a bit of a potter/wheel around to see what people were selling and get ideas of what we were going to buy and stuff. Time for a pit stop. Coming out of the loos there was a stand selling magnetic and negative ion jewellery. I’ve been hearing some good things about it and have been using magnetic jewellery for a while so we stopped and had a look.

they got me to see how far back I could stretch my arm. Then the put a bracelet on me and told me to do it again. Low and behold I could stretch further. They then asked if I could stand up And balance on one leg. I said not without faceplanting the floor so they got my sister to do it. So she sold on one leg and was pushed of balance quit easily. They then put a bracelet on her and did it again. This time she didn’t fall over. It was a very good sales patter that they had going I must admit. The issue being I was going to buy one anyway. I wanted to replace the old one I had that I had to cover the back of with clear nail varnish. Still the same it was a good patter anyway. So I bought that and then we continued our journey round.

We decided we were all hungry and thirsty by this point so we said let find something to eat. Only place doing food was the vegan area. So we traveled to unknown territory to get some scran. I decided to go for a vegan falafel pita thing. It was really nice. My mum got some noodles and I can’t remember what my sister got. We sat down and ate and had a bit of a joke. I said I wanted to go round saying stop being antisocial and have a bacon butty. It was only after my sister realised she was carrying a leather handbag round.

after that it was time for my mum to have her reading with Sarah. Which left me and my sister to our own devices. We continued our mooch about and I saw a few things that I wanted. I then said to Katie right I need to find a cash machine. So we popped back to the front. Had a bit of a smoke/vape outside in the sun went back in used the cash machine and continued on to spend some money.

We went back and I got some reiki stones. Something else to play with and then we had a look round some of the yoga area. They had some wonderful things in there. It wasn’t just yoga clothes and equipment. There was someone selling these metal mandalas. They looked really cool. They were saying how they were all anodised and painted or made of different metals and were talking about the differen uses for them. When I asked how much they were I was a bit taken aback.   Some where plate sized so thinking they shouldn’t be that much, the answer came back that it was over £100. So had to show some interest and say I’ll have to have a think about it and come back later. They were cool though.

It was then my go for a reading from Sarah. It was really good. It confirmed a lot of my own suspicions and gave me a fair few things to think about. Not going to go into too much detail as that for me and I don’t want to share it.

After the reading it was time to take mum round the yoga bit and find somewhere to get a drink. Mainly because I was getting dehydrated and the fact I was about 30 minutes late taking my pills.

I then saw a nice lady who was selling bolster cushions for yoga. They were made from left over upholstery material and were a lot sturdier than normal one. I was after a cushion or something to sit on when doing meditation. Mainly to stop me spending so much time on my bed. So said we’d come back for one on our way out. They were a bit too big to be lugging round.

We went to Sarah’s talk on past life regression. It was really interesting. And I learnt a few things from it. I know it will have disappointed a few people that went. They will have been expecting a bit of a free session of it. But they didn’t get one. It was too loud and there was too much going on to successfully go anywhere or get anything from it. In my opinion it was right not to try and take a group of people into a deep meaningful meditation in that environment. And I know that why she didn’t do it, she just talked about a few different techniques and where to go to get training and got to talk about some peoples experiences.

It was then time for a final rush round to pick up any last bits we wanted. I went to a stall to get a chakra cloth wall hanging also saw that they sold drums and rattles. The drums were a bit pricey so I got a rattle. Then went to get the bolster cushion. Then it was time for the trip home.

the rest of the day was spent riding round. Picking up the nephew taking him to a swimming lesson while my sister had a swim and then dropping them off at home. Me and mum continued on to our development group and then Home. So finally got in at about 9:45. So yes a very long and tiring day. But also a great day.

hope that didn’t bore you too much, Love and light.

 

Some things in life are bad, they can really make you mad.

Other things just make you swear and curse
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
Don’t grumble, give a whistle
And this’ll help things turn out for the best…
And…

…always look on the bright side
of life…
(Whistle)

Always look on the light side
of life…
(Whistle)

If life seems jolly rotten
There’s something you’ve forgotten
And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you’re feeling in the dumps
Don’t be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle
– that’s the thing.
And…always look on the bright
side of life…
(Whistle)

Come on.

Always look on the right side
of life…
(Whistle)

For life is quite absurd
And death’s the final word
You must always face the curtain
with a bow
Forget about your sin – give the
audience a grin
Enjoy it – it’s your last chance
anyhow.

So always look on the bright side
of death…
(Whistle)

a-Just before you draw your terminal breath…
(Whistle)

Life’s a piece of shit, when you look at it
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true
You’ll see its all a show, keep ’em laughin as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you

And…
Always look on the bright side
of life…
(Whistle)

Always look on the right side
of life…

C’mon Brian, cheer up

Always look on the bright side
of life…

Always look on the bright side
of life…

Worse things happen at sea you know.

I mean – what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
– you’re going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing.

Always look on the right side
(I mean) of life…

what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
– you’re going back to nothing.
What have you lost?

Always (Nothing.) look on the right side of life…

Nothing will come from nothing ya know what they say?
Cheer up ya old bugga c’mon give us a grin!
There ya go, see!

Always look on the right side of life…
(Cheer up ya old bugga c’mon give us a grin! At same time)

There ya go, see!

That songs seems to mean a lot to me at the moment. Especially as we’re always told to be more positive and as the song says look on the bright side of things. I know it’s not always as easy to be positive as people say you should be. It involves a major change in your life style.

Finding what makes you happy is always a good place to start. Giving thanks for your many blessing. Just look at what you have in life. Just look and think. Whether it’s great parents, a best friend, a special someone you love with all your heart, a favourite hobby. All these things are blessings even though they may not feel like it all the time.

Try to reduce the drama that’s going on around you. Take a step back. Tell people to stuff it. They probably won’t like it but it’s time to be selfish. You are the most important person in the world. Just remember that.

You can always help people if you want and there is nothing wrong with that. Just remember don’t give other people everything you have. It may seem like a good idea at the time but its you who’ll feel used up and drained in the end.

Be a fighter, fight for what’s right. Shine the light of your life and shine in bright. Be the love you want to feel. In the immortal words of Momma Ru if you can’t love yourself how in the hell you gonna love someone else.

There are so many songs out there just pick one that talks to you. Listen to the words or read them with the help of google. There will be something in there that resonates with you. It will help you remember the good times and make the bad ones seem meh.

love and light.

well I know it’s been a long time since I put anything up but here we go.  Well I’ll start with what I’ve been up to today.

Its been a busy one. Spent a lot of time in the garden doing little jobs. It’s been nice to spend time outside. The weather could have been better but hey ho. The good weather is supposed to start tomorrow.

My nasturtiums are finally coming through, it’s taken them a while. My lettuces are coming on nicely. I planneted some more today so that means there should be another crop a few weeks later.

The marigolds I planted aren’t doing much. Just looks like a tray of soil. But suppose that’s what they are really when you think about it. I dismantled the fruit cage I built a couple of years ago. It had started to fall down anyway. Had to get my dad to help with that. I’ve also realised I need another compost bin. The ones I have at the moment are all full. Need somewhere to put the used would so it can have a break and a bit of a recharge.

having a trip out tomorrow with mum and dad. We’re going to go to ikea. Should be entertaining at least. Friday I’m going to a mind and body show in Manchester. I’m looking forward to that. It should be a good day.

Saturday night just gone I was at a temple spa party that my sister hosted. There were some very nice products. I did order a few I must admit. They should come soon. Just another excuse to pamper myself.

anyway, really short and sweet one today. Love and light.

I hate not feeling right! At least tonight though there is a reason behind it. I was in pain earlier so had to have some painkillers. Issue is the only pain killer that seems to help at the moment is tramadol. Ibuprofen and paracetamol don’t touch it but I’m taking them regularly anyway. So I had a tramadol at about 6:30. I’ve felt spaced out and drunk for most of the evening. It’s such a strange feeling. I don’t feel fully her if that makes sense. A bit like I’ve had too much to drink without the drinking. I know why people get addicted to these pills though. It’s simply just by following the doctors orders. Take them often enough your body relies on them so when you stop your body is missing something so gives you withdrawal symptoms to tell you to take more. I know, I’ve been there.

I know it’s not all down to that. There will be some people who like the lack of feeling.They enjoy feeling numb. Their choice, just says to me though that they need help.

I had another sleepless night last night. Not happened for a while. Being awake all night is so boring. TV goes rubbish or you can’t find anything decent to watch. When it happens I find myself watching YouTube videos or playing games on my phone.

I have had a few things going on though over the past couple of days. Had my hair done yesterday. Finally after what feels like forever my roots have been done. I’m still purple. I finally like the colour lol. It’s out there but not too out there if that makes any sense at all.

About 10pm last night though I decided I was hungry. Nothing new there. I’m always bloody hungry. I had the amazingly bright idea to make cornedbeef hash. God know why I get these ideas. I thought I wanted something proper not just a bag of crisps or something like that. So I started cooking. After a few eventful trips round the kitchen. Sitting on the floor, going flying when trying to get up. Being told off by my dad for trying to do it on my own. I didn’t burn myself though or cut off a finger which is good I suppose. It would have given me something else to do though if something like that happened. Lol.

I’ve also been watching some dvds yesterday and today. Yesterday I watched why’d sisters. It’s a cartoon based on a book by Terry Pratchett. I love the story, it’s basically a rip off of the Scottish play but done from the witches point of view. I love the witches or wyrd sisters. Esmeralda Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg and Magrat Garlick. They are ace. One of my favourite lines from the book and the film is from Granny Weatherwax when she says “things that try and look like things often do look more like things than things”. It’s one of those things that sticks in my head and seems to ring true. Today another discworld cartoon, Soul Music. It’s the first appearance of Susan. Death’s granddaughter. It’s also about music with rocks in.

If you ever get chance either read or listen to the Pratchett discworld books. I love em. It’s a great way to escape the day to day tedium.

At the moment though I’m watching one of my favourite ever films, Time Bandits. I love it, another great escape. I’m not going to talk about it I’d just say go watch it. It’s great.

I have an appointment with the MS nurses tomorrow. I’ve also got to have one of my monthly blood tests. Yeah get up early and get stabbed in the arm. I really do hate blood tests, but hey ho, I have to do it and I knew that’s what had to happen when I decided on Lemtrada.

Last night I nearly applied for a job as a trustee of the ms society. After reading the job description I thought, yeah I can do that or I’d like to do that. Then as I was filling in forms and stuff and talking about my disability and the things I have issues doing I though maybe it wasn’t the right thing. At the moment I don’t like meeting people I don’t know and sometimes have issues talking and thinking. From that I decided I would have real issues. I know more now than I used to but it’s not right to put myself through extra stress if I don’t need it. I wouldn’t be able to cope. Everything I’d have to do if I got the job I struggle with or can’t do anymore so, there you go. Why run before I can walk and all that.

Anyway, time to get back to Time Bandits. I’ll leave you all to it and see you soon. Good night and Love and Light.

It seems sad to say it but that’s how I’m feeling at the moment. Almost as if I could be in a room full of people and feel alone. I can’t really say I like feeling this way, comedy programs on tv help a little. They take my mind of what’s going on and help me focus on something good.

It gets depressing when most of your contact with the outside world is through your phone. Facebook can be interesting but when you see how much fun people are having with out you makes you think so I make a difference? Do I bring something to their lives? These are questions I’ll never know the answers to. There are many more but hey. I’m not a philosopher or anything. I’d need to go really deep and profound to do that and at the moment I just can’t really be bothered.

I need to find a new hobby and some new friends. It can be really hard doing that. I have the development group but that’s only once ever other week. So not often enough to spend a lot of time on. If that makes any sense. Most of the other things I do, I do on my own. Gardening for example isn’t exactly a group activity. Making flowers out of icing isn’t a group thing either. I think it’s contact with other people I miss. It’s isn’t necessarily the activity.

My parents are great, it’s nice spending time with them both. Issue with that is it’s the Easter holidays from school so my mum is babysitting most days so only get to see and spend time with her in the evenings. My dad is home most days so can spend time with him. I just need to find something we can both do that interests each of us. It can be hard finding interests. I think I need to look inside myself to find something.

I’m nervous too about meeting new people and making new friends. I know I have lots of them from all over the world. It’s just pretty pants when you’re only contact with them is through Facebook. It’s not like you can just nip round for a brew and a chat or anything. That’s the other thing, most of the close friends I have aren’t exactly close. They’re dotted all over the UK. Some in Scotland some in stoke and a couple in Liverpool. Again not like you can just pop round for a put the world to rights session. Only way I can do that is by message again through my phone.

Watching star wars with my parents as I’m writing this. Luke Skywalker is giving a lesson on using the force. I know it’s made up but a lot of the what he says makes sense. “ The force is strong with this one”. I think most of us should try and live with the way of the force. It makes a lot more sense to me than most mainstream religions.

I was having a conversation earlier with one of my friends that’s just been away on a dance weekend. I was saying how I don’t miss it really I just miss the people. In a way I’m glad to be away from it all. I don’t have to put up with any of the bitching or any of the drama. That in its self is a good thing. My friend did have a good weekend by the way if you are interested.

It does seem silly though how relieving writing this blog is. I am quite shocked with myself though putting some of my deepest and darkest secrets on here. But, it is one of the best ways to work through the issues I’m going through. It’s also a really helpful way to do things. I really do have to thanks to Lucy for suggesting it. Thank you dear friend.

Count your blessings people they will help you. It makes you realise the good things you have. It can be hard to remember sometimes. But they are there. Find the smallest spark of light in the darkness and make it grow. It’s the only way to dispel the negativity that seems to shun out so much in this world.

And I think, no I know I am worth it.

Love and light to you all and I really mean that.

What have I done? Sweet Jesus what have I done? I know it’s a line from a song but it’s the way I’m feeling at the moment. People don’t seem to want to reply to my messages. I’m feeling all cut off and lonely at the moment. Whether people are too busy or what I don’t know. It just feels hard that it always seem to be me that makes the effort. Seems that way with most people. It’s always me making the first move.

I’m sat here wracking my brain trying to think if I’ve done anything to upset people. I don’t think I have but feeling like I must have or they would message me or reply to the messages I’ve sent. It’s strange how my mind always seems to look at these things in the negative way. I am trying to be a lot more positive but it’s hard at times. Especially when I’m feeling the way I am at the moment. What tops it off is that a friend messaged me earlier asking how I was. I replied saying not to bad but feeling lonely and cut off today. I didn’t even get a reply. I know that person is probably busy doing something else but the great mind I have is going they hate you, they don’t like you, they wish you weren’t here messaging them.

It’s hard when this happens. Trying to break yourself out of it when your mind is like that. What to try. I know I’ve tried a few different, but nothing seems to be working. Funny programs have helped a bit but not fully. The feeling is still there. What else can I try? Is there a magic solution to the problem? I guess this applies to a lot of things and a lot of people. I know through sheer determination I will not go back to that very dark place. I need to find the light again.

Finding the Light. From a spiritual point of view, light dispels all darkness and there is the smallest bit of light to be found in any darkness. I suppose I just have to find the light in this situation and make it grow. Kindle the flame and help it burn. That’s the only way to do it. Taking a step back and looking at things in a different way is a good place to start.

I know typing these messages helps a lot. Not really sure if anyone reads them or not. But getting things out there seems to be a good healthy way to deal with things. Going through them and out the other side. The other side, it’s a good place to be.

I just hope people find their way through the darkness that they are dealing with. Please talk to friends or relatives or just anyone that will listen. That can be a good place to get help.just typing this has made me feel so much better. It’s like I said, taking the step back is a great way to look at things. I know it’s a bit of a rant. I’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for me or anything like that I need to learn how to deal with these things on my own. I know this is a great place to start.

Anyway, as always Love and light.

Well had an expensive but good day today. I bought a new tv. The saying goes “go big or go home”. I did both. The new tv is 55 inch LED ultra HD. Oh my god, I love it, it’s amazing. The picture on an ultra HD film is amazing. It’s so clear, you wouldn’t believe it. It almost looks 3D without the glasses or anything. It was quite expensive but I’ve not had to sell my soul or anything so a good day in all.

So after setting it up and stuff all I’ve done is watch TV. Yep I’ve been lazy. It’s been great. It’s been better than sleeping all day. I also got some remote control plugs so don’t have to trek round the room turning things off. I just flick some buttons.

Not really had any weird feelings today which has been good. I’ve not had to figure out what’s been going on. We have little white boards at home now to remind me of what’s going on. That’s been really useful. There is less chance of me getting scared and worried if I wake up and no one is there. I just check the boards and then know where people are and what’s going on. Whether my mum is baby sitting or my dad is shopping I know. One less stress for me. The less stress the better. It’s bad to say it but I can’t cope if I don’t know what’s going on. I hate being confused, it’s crap. It happens too often.

Well I know I have a development group on Friday evening. That will be fun, I like the group. I have another blood test next week sometime, the joys of being stabbed. Getting my hair done again, time to get rid of the roots and get the sides shaved. Happy I know this cos it’s all on the boards.

Anyway Love and light.

I don’t really know what to write about today. I’ve had an odd couple of days. It’s been a strange bank holiday weekend.

Bank holiday Monday I went to the cinema with my mum and dad. We went to see Ready Player One. I was excited to see this film cos I thought the book was really good. It’s set in the future in a world that’s run around a computer program called The Oasis. The sad thing is it’s how the world will turn out if we aren’t careful. Everything is done within this program, work, school everything. I thought the film was good even though it wasn’t an exact rendition of the book. I understand why they did things the way they did with the film they wouldn’t have been able to fit everything from the book in.

I think though it would have done better if it was more on the geeky side like the book. I really would recommend reading the book or if you’re lazy or like me and struggle to read I’d get the audio book. Audible is awesome and audio books are great. It’s like someone else reading the story to you. In fact I’m tempted to go through the book again.

If you like geeky things you’ll love the story. It’s not high tech or anything like that but covers all sorts of classic culty things. It covers everything from monty python to old style games like pac man. It just fit my humour, it’s great.

anyway don’t have much to report from today as I haven’t really done anything other than sleep. I’m so tired at the moment it seems hard doing anything.

I have been getting some weird feelings though over the past few days. I had a moment the other day where I forgot who my dad was and got scared and worried. So glad it only lasted a few minutes though. I hate when things like that happen. Just get really confused about everything. The confusion has been happening quite a bit recently and haven’t been able to tie it with anything specific.

I think I need to learn about emotions again and figure out what is what. I know when I’m happy but anything else confuses me. It’s pants when you feel something and you have know idea what it is. It’s hard to talk about it with other people as the feelings are so hard to describe. When it happens all I know is that I dam not feel right. It can be quite scary at times and the fact that it can lead to fear and worry in itself.

As I’m struggling to come up with ideas what to write about please give me some suggestions  either leave a comment or use the contact form.

Than you for reading. Love and light.

well today has been the day to use the sourdough starter I started about 2 weeks ago. I decided to follow a river cottage recipe. It worked well. Ido have to be honest though I did start the process last night though. Here’s the link to the recipe if you’re interested:

https://www.lifestylefood.com.au/recipes/18604/river-cottage-sourdough

It worked really well. I’ll put some pictures at the end to show how it’s gone. I’m impressed with my little self. I would recommend reducing the recipe though. It has made 3 decent sized loaves.

I did cheat slightly though. I did use my mixer for the initial kneading. That’s mainly cos it would have  made me completely shattered if I didn’t. And then I wouldn’t have been fit for anything.

We didn’t manage to wait for all of the loaves to be cooked though. We had to taste one to see if it was worth the work. IT WAS. One of the best homemade breads I have ever tasted. It does seem to have been a long day in the kitchen though. I have been in there most of the day so far. There has been the odd break though while the proving was happening.

Anyway here are the pictures:

 

Love and light to you all.