Category: My weird, wonderful, insane, ranting, raving, articulating claptrap

Why oh why oh why do I do this crazy stuff to myself.

While typing this I’m sat in front of the telly and a certain celebrity chef is on. I just don’t like the bloke. I find him really annoying. No idea why but I keep watching his programs.

The other thing is I keep watching other tv programs and series where something happens to the main character. They may get shot or something like that. It really winds me up and sets off my anxiety. Part of me knows they won’t kill the person off but for some reason I get really really invested in the show and the characters. I know it’s not real life and it’s unlikely they’ll kill them off but I have to know what happens to them and make sure they’re ok.

Anxiety is an utter bastard, part of me knows what sets me off is stupid and pointless but I can’t stop stressing about the stupid pointless thing.

I keep trying loads of different things to try and help fight the anxiety and it takes a hell of a lot of effort to calm down. Sometimes it’s watching the next episode, sometimes it’s meditating, sometimes I turn to crystals to help and then there is always alternative therapies like reiki or Karuna. These thing all seem to work some take longer than others and some a just quick fixes. But the best thing I’ve found is to talk to my mum. She’s awesome. If she’s not around I turn to the wonderful world of spirit.

Spirit are a great source to help deal with anything. I just talk to my guides to help or to another spirit that may be around.

I know I need to do some more work with spirit but there will always be time for that.

Over the last few days pain has been around. It’s so annoying and gets me down at times but the sad thing is I’m getting used to it now and it’s almost becoming a normal thing, I just carry on.

I had a sleep study the other day. It was at home thank god. I was in my own bed. The only issue was that I had to sleep while I was wired up. I’ll put a picture below. I looked like a crap cosplay version of a robot. I just have to wait and see now what happens next.

Anyway Love and Light.

I’ve been meaning to write something for the past few days. The problem being I haven’t had a clue what to right about. Decisions decisions decisions.

I’ve thought about about writing loads of different things. Everything from healing through change, dealing with change and talking about acceptance. I even started writing something the other day. Got a few paragraphs in then decided it did t feel right so deleted it.

Last week I tweaked a few things on the website. I added a subscription option so you can sign up to get emails when I add something new. I also added something to the reiki page too. So please feel free to have a route round.

From a spiritual point I’ve been doing some work. Not a lot and I know I should do more and I’ll get round to it at some point.

This last week though I feel all I’ve done is sleep. I’ve been sleeping so much it’s almost unbelievable. My body clock has shifted and swapped round. It seems to want me to sleep during the day and be awake at night. I’m going to be having a sleep study soon so fingers crossed that will help.

Breathing has been awkward at times too. Just going up or down the stairs I have to rest and I’ve ended up panting like a bloody dog. I seem to now be even more reliant on my asthma puffers. I even have to use them with something I call my pipe bomb. It’s a plastic tube that the puffer goes in one end and you spray into that and then breath in the inhaler through it. Wheezing is getting annoying as well. I know it’s there most of the time but I notice it more at night when it’s quiet and there isn’t much noise. When that starts time to set up my pipe bomb with my blue puffer. Great fun.

I was at a pain clinic last week too. And they say they going to help me with the pain but haven’t suggested drugs. They have said though that I will have pain most of the time I just need to learn to deal with it in different ways. They also referred me on to a pain specialist physio. I’m not quite sure how that is going to go. I’ll find out eventually when that starts.

Last week I had to have a few early mornings which were really hard and made the sleep thing worse. It will all be sorted soon though. I’m determined.

Anyway that’s enough insane rambling from me. And I will find something better to write about next time. But this is a good way to let people know what’s going on with me.

At weekend I went to see some friends at a dance event I’ve been to for the past few years. Only spent a couple of hours there but it was great to see friends from all over the world.

I’m sure the hotel hallway wasn’t as hard to get down last year than it was at weekend. That was hard work just going up and down it.

Seeing friends is great. I had missed them and I hadn’t seen most of them for a good few months. Have to admit though that I was scared as hell on the way to see them. I was so nervous. I know they have all seen me in a wheelchair before and feeling scared was stupid. That is the joy of anxiety though., you can’t control it and it happens at the most awkward and stupid times.

When I saw my friends again it felt great. Loads of hugs and time to chat. Just catching up with people you haven’t seen for ages is great fun. Just to catch up with them and see they are doing well is always a bonus.

We got home about teatime so we were only there for a couple of hours. I did struggle when I got home though. Pain, fatigue and brain fog. That’s what I came away with. I spent most of Sunday and Monday sleeping. Those few hours took there toll on me. But I feel the good times outweighed the bad. That’s what it’s all about. Having the good outweigh the bad.

That’s what we have to fight for. Fight for the light and banish the darkness. It’s what I’ll be fighting for. The good times may take there toll but enjoyment and good times are what they are all about.

A massive thank you should go out to all my friends the one that are near and the ones that are far. Blessings of love and light go out to all of you.

Have fun and some massive hugs

Love and light

Recent events seem to have clarified this for me. There are too many people working against each other. Everyone seems to feel their opinion is better than someone else’s.

I’ve said recently that we are all one. I feel it’s about time that this was realised. Yes I don’t like the opinion some people have but I feel I try to educate people to another point of view. Yes I will freely admit that I disagree with decisions that have been made in the past. Decisions that I have made and ones made by others.

“You can’t make everyone happy”. This is a phrase that is said by god knows how many people and to some extent it is true. But when this happens we should work together to find an goal that is achievable and is what’s best. Going back to a previous post about hate, there is just too much of it. Many people reduce themselves to hate when they don’t agree with something or something come into their lives that is different.

For example different skin colours, different sexual orientations, different cultures, different religions and beliefs generally lead to hate. Mainly because these things challenge the status quo, they are different from you and your beliefs. Does these things really make someone deserve hate? It’s time to go back to education. If something is different shouldn’t you give yourself time to learn something about it? Learn about other races, religions, creeds, philosophies and what it is that makes them different and why these different people do what they do?

If we all took a little time to learn about other people then we would be far more accepting of them. Acceptance, this is really what everyone wants deep down. They want to feel part of everything. They want to have a place they can truly call home. Hating the differences is what causes the issues. Hating a difference cut you off from a different view point or even a different world.

Everything should come from a true place of love. Accepting other people for what and who they are is the only way we can progress and evolve as a society and as a race, the human race. We are all one and it’s time we started acting that way. When people work together and not against each other far more will be achieved. People have every right to feel how they do and believe what they want but it is only through working together that the best can be achieved for everyone and not just the select few.

Make sure everything you do comes from love and light and all will be well

Love and light.

Why is there so much hate?

I’ve seen so many people sharing hateful and racist crap on Facebook you wouldn’t believe.

There are even people saying the people that are offended by things should grow up.

The most shocking thing that I’m seeing is the people that are sharing the hateful rubbish. Most of these people would class themselves as spiritual or light workers. This is shocking. Most light worker know that everyone and everything’s connected. By acting they way they are or by believing the crap they do this is hurting everything. It’s cutting them off from a different side of life.

I accept that everyone is entitled to their own opinion but Having an opinion that is based on hate or taught behaviour is just wrong. Yes there are arse wholes everywhere but don’t tar everyone with the same brush because of the actions of just a few or an individual.

To be a true light worker you have to accept everyone and everything, even those not rights that have hurt you in the past. You have to accept them and learn the lessons they are teaching. With everything that is going on in the world at the moment we need to work it through with love, light and enlightenment.

The people that are spreading hate need teaching there is a different way. Most people spread hate because they don’t know or understand the damage it’s doing. Most of the time they have had no interaction with the things they hate. People that hate a religion have had no interaction with the religion or followers of that religion. They feel they have to hate by the tripe that’s in news papers, on TV or because someone said they should on social media.

Let’s band together and banish the hate through love, light and teaching the haters.

We are all one, let’s work together and not against each other. We will get far more done. Remember Love.

Love and Light.

Well it’s the start of a new year. Thought it was only fitting to do a post today. I don’t really know what to talk about to be honest.

I know the next year will be filled with love, light, joy and happiness. It’s all down to what we make it. If you plan on having a crap year you’ll have one. If you want fun you’ll have it. Don’t just expect these things to happen out of the blue you need to take the leap and make it happen. If you have friends spend some time with them or at least contacting them.

What ever you want to happen make it happen. It’s up to you. You have the power to do what you choose and get what you want.

Everything is within reach. You may have to stretch a little but you’ll get it if you want it.

I know the spirit world is helping us all make out dreams come true. We all have loved one who aren’t on this plane anymore but please know they haven’t left you. They’re always around. Just talk to them the way you would if they were sat in the same room with you. You might not hear their replies but they’ll let you know one way or the other. It may come in dreams or a random thought may pop in to your head.

We all need to be open to the light. Love is a way to get there, or just using the light on a regular basis. Spending time in the sun is great to recharge those batteries. You can use healing methods like reiki, crystals are another amazing way to work with the light. Just remember the rainbow, lots of different colours and frequencies make up the spectrum. They are all at different levels and that’s just like life. Everything comes in different shapes and sizes and so on. We just need to accept things.

If we don’t learn the lessons we’re taught we won’t be able to move forward. I’m not one for making New Years resolutions because I know people don’t stick to them. If they do the resolution won’t lest very long. New year is a great time for getting rid of the old to make way for the new though.

All I’ll say is just try to be better. That’s it. Just try. If you do t manage it don’t worry. Just try again. You can always try, try try try. When Dory said “just keep swimming” it makes perfect sense. If you don’t do it one day try the again.

Just keep trying.

Love and light

Well it’s been a tough week, physically, mentally and emotionally. Went into hospital on Monday to start the 2nd round of lemtrada.

The ward was like a bloody prison. Hard to get onto and even harder to get off. I didn’t try to go out while I was connected to the drip, I was being a good boy. After sitting there for a good few hours being drugged up all I really wanted to do was to go out side and have a smoke (well a vape). Finding someone to open the door to let me out was hard work. Getting back into the ward afterwards was hard too.

I can feel the treatment working as I’m feeling like crap. But that’s just the joys of being pumped full of poison and having your immune system killed off. I’m now in the quarantine period. I’m not supposed to go out or come into contact with anyone who is or maybe ill. Having no immune system and getting anything could be very dangerous and would more than likely end up with a trip back to hospital.

The most annoying thing about this quarantine period is that I’m not supposed to go out. If I was allowed to I probably wouldn’t but as I’m not it’s all I want to do.

I did however make a new friend while I was in hospital. He’s called Mark and he helped to keep me sane. We had a good laugh and the time became bare able. Whilst I was in I did do some crochet and I started knitting some socks too. But from that there isn’t much else to say. The staff on the ward weren’t great. Sat waiting 2 to 3 hours after the treatment finished waiting for them to come and disconnect me from the drip a pointless waste of time. If something else was happening on the ward like someone crashing or something else serious just to be told what’s going on would have been fine. I’m not completely in caring. I would have just waited but to be completely ignored is not great and that’s how I felt. The alarm on the drip didn’t help either as it kept going off every few minutes which was just adding to the annoyance.

Anyway, I’m home know and can relax and calm down. Just thinking about it starts to make my blood boil. As it’s Yule today I keep thinking I should be doing something but can’t think what to do. I may light the fire in the front room but not sure. It will likely just end up a slow lazy day.

If you’ve asked for healing through the reiki page on my site I will get round to doing it but unfortunately it won’t be for a little while. I’m going to get my self together and start getting over my treatment before I start with that.

Anyway, I hope you all have a happy festive season (which ever path you follow) all the best and love and light to one and all.

Well, what to talk about? I think these are becoming regular themes on here. Knitting and fear. I think these things are taking over my life at the moment.

I’m in the process of knitting a Christmas present. It’s still in bits at the moment but it’s starting to look good retry good even if I do say so myself. It’s an owl and on the pattern it’s called Oakley the owl. It’s gonna be cool when it’s finished.

Fear, now that’s something. Last night I had a really scary moment. I forgot how to walk and move my legs. That was one scary few minutes. I think it was partly down the thinking about it too much. You know when you really start thinking about something and forget how to do it. My mum managed to snap me out of it though by getting me to move and do something. So focusing on something else helped and made me move and walk without thinking. Yes it was stuttery and juddery and slow but still I moved.

Sleep has been an issue for the last few days too. It hasn’t been happening when it’s supposed to.

I went to see the nurse today at the doctors. This is because I’ve been put on the Asthma Register. So I’ve got that on top of everything else. I went to see her for a breath test thing. Where you blow into the cardboard tube that’s attached to a machine. She resented that and suggested I start using a tube attachment thing with my inhalers. I have a brown and a blue one now. It’s all fun and games.

I’ve been giving myself a lot of reiki and Karuna recently too. This is partly because I’m being told to by my guides and it was also mention by Sarah too.

I’m in hospital next week for the second round of treatment. I can’t really say I’m looking forward to it. It’s now on a different ward in a different place in the hospital. So I have no idea how that’s going to go. I know it will be hard going but that’s about it. The reiki will help though. I will be taking some crystals when I go in. I’ll also be taking some knitting and crochet with me too. Once the owls finished I’m going to try knitting some socks.

I have quite a few sock patterns now and a few other patterns for different things. I’ve watched loads of YouTube videos on different things like knitting socks and crocheting things. I’ve even learnt how to block out socks and stuff. So that will be interesting when the time comes to doing it.

Wish me luck for next week.

Hope you are all having fun.

Love and light.

Well for the past couple of days sleep hasn’t been my friend. I’ve not been sleeping well or getting much sleep at all. I’ve seen 6am from the wrong side a few times. It’s been pants. I’ve been watching films, doing crochet, some knitting and playing with my crystals. I’ve been to see a sleep neurologist too. So have a sleep study coming up in February.

So crochet wise I’ve been working on Christmas bits. I’ve made some bunting for home with snowflakes, baubles, snowmen and holly. I think it looks quite cool:

I’ve also crocheted some Christmas presents for family to. I still have to knit something for my nephew.

At knitting club the other day I taught a very nice lady how to do loom knitting. That’s fun. She was really nice, and we talked about loads of different things not just knitting. She seemed to be a very spiritual lady and said some really interesting things. She got the basic information about loom knitting and I told her where to find out more and other techniques. You tube if you’re interested.

YouTube is a great resource to learn anything. It has so many different videos. If it was possible for not humans to fly, there would be videos telling you how to do it.

Anyway, try learning something new, do some research and learn. I see life as a learning journey. Every step you take is a lesson. Learn as much as you can about different things. Education is one of the only ways we can beat devision.

Love and Light.

Well it’s been an interesting couple of days. To start of with my mum is now learning to knit. That’s a bit of a shock in its self.

For the past couple of days I’ve been struggling. Pain, it isn’t great and it’s been so intense. I’ve not really been able to ignore it or distract myself.

For the past few days I’ve had a really bad time with fear. I’ve been really scared and had no idea why. Had the adrenaline surge and everything. It’s been weird. Just a feeling of fear and dread. It’s not bad if you know what you’re scared of you can work it out. If you don’t know what do you do then?

Shock wise this hasn’t been a bad thing they’ve been shocks in a good way. First thing is that my mum started knitting. We went to knitting club on Sunday and she was just sat there reading the paper and chatting. Then an 8 year old girl turned up and wanted to learn to knit. One of the ladies taught her what to do and helped her out. My mum was then bullied into learning by everyone else. So it then descended into a competition between my mum (she in her 60s) and the 8 year old girl. Both trying to out do the other. Difference being my mum was using big needles and super chunky wool the young girl on smaller needles and thinner wool.

Another shock for me was finding out someone’s age. A lady came to knitting club at the Jubilee centre. She has MS to. Nice lady and quite warm and friendly. The group organiser mentioned to her about the Christmas meal and said you can join the Centre. I said to her you aren’t old enough, you’ve got to be like 50 or something. She said you are nice. And then said she’d be 51 next year. I was shocked I thought she was only my age maybe a year or two older. But no, she’s 50.

Today was another shock for me. Had an appointment to go to a sleep clinic. Only got a call yesterday about it. The appointment was with a neurologist that specialises in sleep. He was really nice and inadvertently translated what the other crap one told me. But he did it in a nice way. He was easy to understand and friendly. He request a sleep study for me. So have to wait for that to happen. All I’ll need to do then is go to hospital be told how to set up the equipment then go home. That night I’ll have to wire myself up and go to bed. Next day take it all back and they can analyse all the data. After that I’m not sure what will happen.

Anyway, short and sweet.

Love and light.