Author: Humbug

Why is there so much hate?

I’ve seen so many people sharing hateful and racist crap on Facebook you wouldn’t believe.

There are even people saying the people that are offended by things should grow up.

The most shocking thing that I’m seeing is the people that are sharing the hateful rubbish. Most of these people would class themselves as spiritual or light workers. This is shocking. Most light worker know that everyone and everything’s connected. By acting they way they are or by believing the crap they do this is hurting everything. It’s cutting them off from a different side of life.

I accept that everyone is entitled to their own opinion but Having an opinion that is based on hate or taught behaviour is just wrong. Yes there are arse wholes everywhere but don’t tar everyone with the same brush because of the actions of just a few or an individual.

To be a true light worker you have to accept everyone and everything, even those not rights that have hurt you in the past. You have to accept them and learn the lessons they are teaching. With everything that is going on in the world at the moment we need to work it through with love, light and enlightenment.

The people that are spreading hate need teaching there is a different way. Most people spread hate because they don’t know or understand the damage it’s doing. Most of the time they have had no interaction with the things they hate. People that hate a religion have had no interaction with the religion or followers of that religion. They feel they have to hate by the tripe that’s in news papers, on TV or because someone said they should on social media.

Let’s band together and banish the hate through love, light and teaching the haters.

We are all one, let’s work together and not against each other. We will get far more done. Remember Love.

Love and Light.

Well it’s the start of a new year. Thought it was only fitting to do a post today. I don’t really know what to talk about to be honest.

I know the next year will be filled with love, light, joy and happiness. It’s all down to what we make it. If you plan on having a crap year you’ll have one. If you want fun you’ll have it. Don’t just expect these things to happen out of the blue you need to take the leap and make it happen. If you have friends spend some time with them or at least contacting them.

What ever you want to happen make it happen. It’s up to you. You have the power to do what you choose and get what you want.

Everything is within reach. You may have to stretch a little but you’ll get it if you want it.

I know the spirit world is helping us all make out dreams come true. We all have loved one who aren’t on this plane anymore but please know they haven’t left you. They’re always around. Just talk to them the way you would if they were sat in the same room with you. You might not hear their replies but they’ll let you know one way or the other. It may come in dreams or a random thought may pop in to your head.

We all need to be open to the light. Love is a way to get there, or just using the light on a regular basis. Spending time in the sun is great to recharge those batteries. You can use healing methods like reiki, crystals are another amazing way to work with the light. Just remember the rainbow, lots of different colours and frequencies make up the spectrum. They are all at different levels and that’s just like life. Everything comes in different shapes and sizes and so on. We just need to accept things.

If we don’t learn the lessons we’re taught we won’t be able to move forward. I’m not one for making New Years resolutions because I know people don’t stick to them. If they do the resolution won’t lest very long. New year is a great time for getting rid of the old to make way for the new though.

All I’ll say is just try to be better. That’s it. Just try. If you do t manage it don’t worry. Just try again. You can always try, try try try. When Dory said “just keep swimming” it makes perfect sense. If you don’t do it one day try the again.

Just keep trying.

Love and light

Well it’s been a tough week, physically, mentally and emotionally. Went into hospital on Monday to start the 2nd round of lemtrada.

The ward was like a bloody prison. Hard to get onto and even harder to get off. I didn’t try to go out while I was connected to the drip, I was being a good boy. After sitting there for a good few hours being drugged up all I really wanted to do was to go out side and have a smoke (well a vape). Finding someone to open the door to let me out was hard work. Getting back into the ward afterwards was hard too.

I can feel the treatment working as I’m feeling like crap. But that’s just the joys of being pumped full of poison and having your immune system killed off. I’m now in the quarantine period. I’m not supposed to go out or come into contact with anyone who is or maybe ill. Having no immune system and getting anything could be very dangerous and would more than likely end up with a trip back to hospital.

The most annoying thing about this quarantine period is that I’m not supposed to go out. If I was allowed to I probably wouldn’t but as I’m not it’s all I want to do.

I did however make a new friend while I was in hospital. He’s called Mark and he helped to keep me sane. We had a good laugh and the time became bare able. Whilst I was in I did do some crochet and I started knitting some socks too. But from that there isn’t much else to say. The staff on the ward weren’t great. Sat waiting 2 to 3 hours after the treatment finished waiting for them to come and disconnect me from the drip a pointless waste of time. If something else was happening on the ward like someone crashing or something else serious just to be told what’s going on would have been fine. I’m not completely in caring. I would have just waited but to be completely ignored is not great and that’s how I felt. The alarm on the drip didn’t help either as it kept going off every few minutes which was just adding to the annoyance.

Anyway, I’m home know and can relax and calm down. Just thinking about it starts to make my blood boil. As it’s Yule today I keep thinking I should be doing something but can’t think what to do. I may light the fire in the front room but not sure. It will likely just end up a slow lazy day.

If you’ve asked for healing through the reiki page on my site I will get round to doing it but unfortunately it won’t be for a little while. I’m going to get my self together and start getting over my treatment before I start with that.

Anyway, I hope you all have a happy festive season (which ever path you follow) all the best and love and light to one and all.

Well, what to talk about? I think these are becoming regular themes on here. Knitting and fear. I think these things are taking over my life at the moment.

I’m in the process of knitting a Christmas present. It’s still in bits at the moment but it’s starting to look good retry good even if I do say so myself. It’s an owl and on the pattern it’s called Oakley the owl. It’s gonna be cool when it’s finished.

Fear, now that’s something. Last night I had a really scary moment. I forgot how to walk and move my legs. That was one scary few minutes. I think it was partly down the thinking about it too much. You know when you really start thinking about something and forget how to do it. My mum managed to snap me out of it though by getting me to move and do something. So focusing on something else helped and made me move and walk without thinking. Yes it was stuttery and juddery and slow but still I moved.

Sleep has been an issue for the last few days too. It hasn’t been happening when it’s supposed to.

I went to see the nurse today at the doctors. This is because I’ve been put on the Asthma Register. So I’ve got that on top of everything else. I went to see her for a breath test thing. Where you blow into the cardboard tube that’s attached to a machine. She resented that and suggested I start using a tube attachment thing with my inhalers. I have a brown and a blue one now. It’s all fun and games.

I’ve been giving myself a lot of reiki and Karuna recently too. This is partly because I’m being told to by my guides and it was also mention by Sarah too.

I’m in hospital next week for the second round of treatment. I can’t really say I’m looking forward to it. It’s now on a different ward in a different place in the hospital. So I have no idea how that’s going to go. I know it will be hard going but that’s about it. The reiki will help though. I will be taking some crystals when I go in. I’ll also be taking some knitting and crochet with me too. Once the owls finished I’m going to try knitting some socks.

I have quite a few sock patterns now and a few other patterns for different things. I’ve watched loads of YouTube videos on different things like knitting socks and crocheting things. I’ve even learnt how to block out socks and stuff. So that will be interesting when the time comes to doing it.

Wish me luck for next week.

Hope you are all having fun.

Love and light.

Well for the past couple of days sleep hasn’t been my friend. I’ve not been sleeping well or getting much sleep at all. I’ve seen 6am from the wrong side a few times. It’s been pants. I’ve been watching films, doing crochet, some knitting and playing with my crystals. I’ve been to see a sleep neurologist too. So have a sleep study coming up in February.

So crochet wise I’ve been working on Christmas bits. I’ve made some bunting for home with snowflakes, baubles, snowmen and holly. I think it looks quite cool:

I’ve also crocheted some Christmas presents for family to. I still have to knit something for my nephew.

At knitting club the other day I taught a very nice lady how to do loom knitting. That’s fun. She was really nice, and we talked about loads of different things not just knitting. She seemed to be a very spiritual lady and said some really interesting things. She got the basic information about loom knitting and I told her where to find out more and other techniques. You tube if you’re interested.

YouTube is a great resource to learn anything. It has so many different videos. If it was possible for not humans to fly, there would be videos telling you how to do it.

Anyway, try learning something new, do some research and learn. I see life as a learning journey. Every step you take is a lesson. Learn as much as you can about different things. Education is one of the only ways we can beat devision.

Love and Light.

Well it’s been an interesting couple of days. To start of with my mum is now learning to knit. That’s a bit of a shock in its self.

For the past couple of days I’ve been struggling. Pain, it isn’t great and it’s been so intense. I’ve not really been able to ignore it or distract myself.

For the past few days I’ve had a really bad time with fear. I’ve been really scared and had no idea why. Had the adrenaline surge and everything. It’s been weird. Just a feeling of fear and dread. It’s not bad if you know what you’re scared of you can work it out. If you don’t know what do you do then?

Shock wise this hasn’t been a bad thing they’ve been shocks in a good way. First thing is that my mum started knitting. We went to knitting club on Sunday and she was just sat there reading the paper and chatting. Then an 8 year old girl turned up and wanted to learn to knit. One of the ladies taught her what to do and helped her out. My mum was then bullied into learning by everyone else. So it then descended into a competition between my mum (she in her 60s) and the 8 year old girl. Both trying to out do the other. Difference being my mum was using big needles and super chunky wool the young girl on smaller needles and thinner wool.

Another shock for me was finding out someone’s age. A lady came to knitting club at the Jubilee centre. She has MS to. Nice lady and quite warm and friendly. The group organiser mentioned to her about the Christmas meal and said you can join the Centre. I said to her you aren’t old enough, you’ve got to be like 50 or something. She said you are nice. And then said she’d be 51 next year. I was shocked I thought she was only my age maybe a year or two older. But no, she’s 50.

Today was another shock for me. Had an appointment to go to a sleep clinic. Only got a call yesterday about it. The appointment was with a neurologist that specialises in sleep. He was really nice and inadvertently translated what the other crap one told me. But he did it in a nice way. He was easy to understand and friendly. He request a sleep study for me. So have to wait for that to happen. All I’ll need to do then is go to hospital be told how to set up the equipment then go home. That night I’ll have to wire myself up and go to bed. Next day take it all back and they can analyse all the data. After that I’m not sure what will happen.

Anyway, short and sweet.

Love and light.

It’s crap when you aren’t believed. But that’s what I’m facing at the moment. You may or may not know that I had an appointment with the neurologist last week. I think I mentioned it on here but I can’t remember.

Had the appointment last week. Ended up going in my wheelchair. Let just say it was a painful day. During the appointment I talked about the pain I had and get and where it is and affects. He basically told me I shouldn’t be in a wheelchair and that he wants me to come off the medication. He wants me to move more and exercise, lose weight and join a gym. He said there were other people that have had the treatment and are know for and back to normal.

So basically he didn’t believe a word I said. My mum also mentioned that I have started knitting. He didn’t like that one bit. He said so it’s more sitting around. He also said that the medication could be causing the issues I’m having. Pain Killer causing pain? Really?

Just to point out I use my wheelchair when I’m in pain or when I need to move distance and walking like that far would aggravate the pain that already there. I am in pain most of the time which is hard enough to deal with but there are times when I can and do push myself and times when I can’t push myself or deal with the pain and it gets more intense.

So with the help of my mum when it can to do my pills I decided to follow the instruction from him. We reduced the gabapentin. That lasted all of 3 days. The pain I was in got worse and worse and worse until agony set in and the pain became unbearable. So I think it’s safe to say that gabapentin is doing something. It could do more but hey ho. He did say one thing that made sense though, he said I would have to deal with some amount of pain. I thought that was fair enough and it makes sense.

The letter arrived this morning with the information of the appointment and next steps and all that crap. This is written proof that he didn’t believe a single word I said. It’s tempting to run over him in my wheelchair and beat him with my walking stick and then tell him to walk it off and man up. You’ll have to deal with some pain. Arsehole!

Yesterday was a crap day too. The medication has gone back up. Our choice not his. Bug last night I had to sit down on the stairs. I made it up about 3 steps and the pain just got too much, so I had to stop. I had to rest and sit there for about 10 minutes.

As it’s nerve pain there are only some painkillers that work. Cocodamol and ibuprofen wouldn’t do anything they’re for normal pain and not nerve pain. If that makes any sense. Tramadol don’t touch it but they have spaced me out in the past which I’m a way can help.

Now I’m not so sure what to do. Go into agony and move more and reduce my meds or stick with things as I am and have a word with my GP. Not sure. I know I don’t want to be in pain all the time or even agony.

I’ve also been getting annoyed by other people too recently. The ones that seem to have an issue with absolutely everything and always want things that are wrong because they don’t agree with it. Like they want an essay on a poster that people would never look at if it’s too wordy. And when you try to tell them they throw their toys out of the pram and say they wouldn’t do anything then.

Anyway, screw him (the neurologist) the people that cause problems for the sake of it and above all fuck you MS.

Love and light.

Why is anxiety such a bastard?

Been feeling off for over a week now. It started with fireworks. I hate them and I don’t think they are safe for people, especially kids, to have. I signed a petition earlier in the week to get them banned for sale to the general public. Heres hoping that something comes from that. I’m just glad things have calmed down with them now.

Having to wear ear plugs when you go out, what’s that all about? I’m sure other people don’t have to.

The other thing is I think and feel that fireworks affect and change the normal energy that floats about. I don’t think it changes it for the better. It sends it all off and makes everything feel wrong. It’s like something bad is gonna happen. I don’t think the anxiety helps with that. If anything it makes it worse.

Today’s issue with anxiety comes from an appointment I have at the hospital tomorrow. It’s with the neurologist. I’m not looking forward to it and I’m scared he’ll tell me off. He did last time. He told me off for being in my wheelchair. My mum and dad said that if I’m in pain tomorrow I can use it. I’m not sure if I will or not, even if I am in pain. I’m sure they aren’t supposed to make you feel bad. I think it’s an in written rule or something, not sure though. Part of me thinks that if I am in my chair and he tries anything tomorrow I’ll just tell him to piss off. Not sure that will happen though. I just hope the anxiety does take my voice. I hate it when that happens.

I know what I want to say but can’t get the words out. I struggle to say anything. Most of the time I have to force words out. That’s if I can get them out.

Have to say though using this blog has become a bit of a life saver though. Just being able to say how I feel and what’s going on, sometimes it’s boring crap, sometimes it’s amazing. Other times I just talk about knitting or crochet.

Speaking of crochet I’ve made a snood for myself. That was quick and fun. And I used up some of the wool I’ve had for a while. At the moment I’m working on a blanket for my mum. It’s different from the last one I did. I started it the same but then today I decided to unravel it and start again. This one is going to be massive. Only done a couple of rows so far but it’s growing.

I’m feeling a bit better now after talking about my issues. Thank you.

Here’s hoping things aren’t as bad as I’m expecting tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

Love and light all.

Well got some bad news today. The world has lost a great person. A friend I made recently is no longer here. She has passed.

Her name was Marilyn. I met her through the local branch of the MS society. I helped her with technical stuff and getting documents uploaded to a website. I feel I made a really good friend in her and I really will miss her.

It happened so quickly, I saw her a couple of days ago and she was fine then. At least I know she won’t be suffering anymore. It seems stupid to say that she’s in a better place now but I know she is and I know she can come back for a chat if she wants to so that’s a good thing I suppose. It’s just the feeling of loss.

It’s the first time I’ve lost a friend. I’ve lost family members in the past but never someone I class as a friend. The feeling of loss is hard to deal with. It’s like there is a massive hole now. I’m trying to fill it with love, light and reiki. I’ll also be send reiki to Marilyn to help her on her journey.

It’s hard, I feel numb and don’t really know what to do with myself. I’m talking to friends and my family but I’m not sure how I feel. Do I feel sad? Do I feel something else. I just don’t know. I know my mum is being supportive though.

I’m also going to propose something at the next MS team meeting. I know that will help and my mum thinks it’s a good idea. If it works it will be great and it will make me feel better.

Anyway, hope everyone’s good and all is going well for you.

Love and light.