Author: Humbug

It’s been a while since I’ve been this open and honest on here. That’s mainly down to the fact I haven’t done a proper post in ages. But it’s time to be honest.

At the moment I’m feeling pretty shitty. When I’m feeling like this I don’t really like focusing on it but I feel I need to just get it out there.

My anxiety and mental health isn’t that great at the moment. I’m not really sure why but I keep feeling like I’ve upset people and that they hate me. I just feel like they are tolerating me and the moment I’ve gone they are slagging me off and calling me rotten. Part of me feels that way and the other part of me is saying “Shut up! You know that’s a load of bollocks and they aren’t doing that at all”.

Because I’m feeling like that some things that other people are doing, are really getting on my nerves. Like if someone says something that really irritates me and I just want to scream “shut the F up”! At them. I don’t, but that just sits in my head going round and round and round and then something else gets said and the process starts all over again.

Then there are certain people that annoy the hell out of me. Like people from my past that treated me like shit and I haven’t spoken to in years suddenly appear. Or people from more recently that caused a load of shit, then decided to leave everyone else cleaning up their mess.

The person from the past that treated me like shit turned up one night while I was live on TikTok with Sharon. I saw their name and profile picture and it made some uncomfortable feelings come flooding back. At one point they were one of my best friends. Well, what I thought anyway. Looking back though, they always did treat me like shit. But for some unknown reason I always kept them around. I haven’t seen or spoken to them though in about 8 years. The last interaction I had with them wasn’t long after I was diagnosed with MS.

I was in a WhatsApp group with some other friends. One of them just happened to be with this arsehole. I sent a message saying something along the lines of that I wasn’t feeling great because of everything I was going through at the time. And they sent a message back using the friend’s phone that totally invalidated everything and made me feel worse than I already did.

That was the last interaction I had with them until they popped up again on that live. The didn’t say anything or do anything and they didn’t hang around for long but as soon as they left I blocked them on TikTok and everywhere else.

As for the more recent person I just pretty much refuse to interact with them. If I have to I’ll be polite and civil but that’s it.

I know that’s been a bit of a rant but getting it out there has made me feel a little be better about everything.

Because my mental health and anxiety have been playing up it seems to aggravate my MS Symptoms too. Not sure why they seem to be connected but when one thing starts it won’t be long before the other does too.

The other thing about the way I’m feeling is that I just feel uncomfortable around other people. I just don’t want to bring them down. So it sort of becomes a bit of an isolation thing. Keeping people away because you don’t want to upset them. But because you’re keeping people away you start to feel lonely and like nobody cares about you. It’s one of those really crappy viscous circle things.

I think a lot of my feelings is mainly down to being tired.

Over the last few weeks I’ve still been working on my craft things. Tunisian Crochet, tangling, card making and flower making. And I’ve been spending lots of time online too. Ive been doing lives of my own on TikTok giving people messages and readings. I enjoy it and it makes me feel better helping other people and giving them a bit of healing.

So here are some pictures of my crafty things from the last few weeks:

Sanntangle:

And I also did a sample for Sandra and it was shown on Hobby Maker:

And and an old sample I did was shown on TV today:

I’ve been making some cards too:

I’ve been playing with vinyl too. A candle and lantern for katie for to use at the wave of light.

Some bits for Halloween

I’ve also made a Santa Cam ready for Christmas so Santa can keep an eye on Lucy to make sure she’s good:

And put some HTV on a pouch for my meds and stuff and it glows in the dark too:

Ii. The last post there were some picture of flowers I’ve made but I’ve been asked to make some poppies for church ready for remembrance

A couple of other flowers too:

I also set up a discord server for mediums, card readers, psychics and healers. It’s a place for people to come together, chat and share information. I used AI to create a logo for the group:

So if you or anyone you know that is a light worker would like to join drop me a message and I’ll send over the details.

There may well be other things I’ve done but I can’t remember and forgot to take pictures. So I’m going to leave it there.

Love and light

So much has happened over the past two months. And I’m sorry it’s taken so long to update you. I know I’ve apologised before but I really mean it this time.

So where to start. Let’s start with hypnotherapy. Back in April I came across a hypnotherapist. He was on one of the shows on SPTV talking about hypnotherapy, affirmations and living positively. You’ve probably guessed that over the past three years I have had real issues sitting down today my healing coursework. So it’s real issues with procrastination.

So I spoke to him to see what he would suggest or what he could do to help. He said that it’s something he could help with, so I booked an appointment. Because it’s not something I’ve ever experienced before I didn’t know what to expect. Part of me was worried that he was gonna hypnotise me and make me think I was a chicken or something like that. I know as a professional when someone seeks treatment that would never happen. But, it doesn’t stop you worrying about it.

So when the session came round we had a bit of a chat about what I wanted to get out of it, why I wanted the help and if I knew why I had issues with procrastination.

I told him I’ve always had issues with procrastination. At school I always left my homework to the last minute. I always had good intentions of starting homework as soon as I got it or on the night I got it. But never lasted. I always fell back to doing it at the last minute. So the first part of the session put me into a meditative state and he started talking to my subconscious so we could find out what was causing the issue in the first place. While we were doing that something came up that I didn’t even remember. It was a memory of when I was at primary school with a teacher I didn’t go on with and didn’t like. The memory was of her telling me off and telling me I was useless and that I’d never come to anything.

Obviously as you can tell that wasn’t something nice I really wanted to remember. So he asked me more about that memory and how it was making me feel. As you can guess, it didn’t make me feel that good. He brought me out of the meditative state so we could talk a bit more about the memory. It was weird because at first I didn’t really remember it happening. It was a bit like a vague memory. You know when you can almost remember something happening but you’re not really sure what. That’s how I thought about it. So we talked a bit more about the memory and it started to become fuller and more solid. I remembered more about the situation and more about what happened.

Then, he started to do an exercise with me where I was moving my eyes from left to right, up and down and diagonally from right to left and left to right. While I was moving my eyes he told me to focus quite intensely on that memory and how it made me feel. I have no idea what he was doing or what was going to happen but, I trusted him.

Don’t know if I’ve told you this or not but making rapid eye movements can make me really really dizzy. For some reason moving my eyes like that makes my brain decide that my body is moving even though it isn’t.

So I found out that this eye movement thing is called EMDR. It’s about using eye movement to process memories and unresolved trauma from your past. So we did it once then asked me to go back to that memory and asked me how it made me feel then. So that time when I look back at their memory I didn’t feel as bad but, I didn’t feel brilliant either. So he went through the EMDR again with me, and when I look back at that memory this time I just thought it was funny and that that teacher was a stupid bitch. After that in my mind he told me to go back to that child and tell them that everything is gonna be alright and that stupid teacher doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

Once we had gone through processing that memoryhe took me into a hypnotic state to start to work on removing and reducing procrastination. The meditation/hypnosis was very relaxing and afterwards he suggested listening to a recording of affirmations to help with procrastination overnight while I slept. Admittedly after the session I wasn’t really sure if it had worked or not because there were quite a few other things that I had to do and get on with.

But a day or two later when I had got everything else out the way I sat down to start working on my healing coursework. And with no real issues I got going, started working and started flying through the rest of the work I had to do. And a couple weeks later I managed to get my last piece of work completed and sent off to my tutor. So all of the healing coursework has been done sent and I’ve received a completion letter to say that I have finished the coursework and received a Very Good Pass.

So that’s it the coursework finished. The next thing I have to do is an upgrade assessment to become a fully accredited healing medium with the SNU. It’s right now I’m waiting for the district people to get back in touch and tell me when the upgrade assessment is. So I’m a bit worried about that but people keep telling me I’m gonna pass it with no issues.

Another thing that’s been going on with me started with a trip to the dentist. While I was there the Dentist looked at my teeth and they’re all fine, when he was feeling around my jaw he found a lump. He said because he can’t see what it is he needed to refer me for further investigation. The good thing was that my teeth are all okay but the referral thing and the lump made me a bit worried. I have no idea what it is, could it be something normal or could it be something bad. The Dentist did say it probably isn’t anything to worry about, but that doesn’t really stop the worrying though does it.

The referral came through pretty quickly. Within a couple of days I had an appointment at the maxillofacial department at the hospital. Again I went to that appointment not really knowing what to expect. Part of me was worried that I was gonna be told I’ve got a massive tumour growing in my neck and the other part of me was worried about the unknown not really knowing what was going on. The doctor at that appointment said “it’s probably nothing to worry about but will send you for some tests anyway”. So a couple of days later I got a phone call saying can you come tomorrow for an appointment where they can scan the lump and see what’s going on.

My sister took me to the scan appointment. It was Oldham Royal, which if you didn’t know is absolutely massive. So after a couple of details round the hospital going in and out of doors and up-and-down in lifts we found where we were supposed to be going. My sister came into the appointment with me so she could pay attention to what was being said and remember the bits that I didn’t.

So they started scanning my neck and said it looks normal but they need to aspirate it to send off a sample to see what it is. He said it looks like a swollen lymph gland. Aspirate basically means shove a needle in, poke out a bitand draw out some of what’s there. So that’s what he did shoved the needle and poked around drew out some fluid and put it on a slide to be sent for more investigation. The guy that was scanning did say it probably wasn’t anything to worry about. He said they can swell up due to something with the immune system like fighting off a cold or something like that.

About two weeks later I received a letter:

So all the worrying was pretty much pointless and it wasn’t anything serious. So the point in a few weeks they might tell me what it is if they know.

So they have talked about a lot of things that have been going on with me.

On to Knitting, I finally finished knitting the cardigan for Lucy.

So that’s that Knitting project finished, back onto the shawl for Mum. I’ve been working on that again for the past couple of weeks now and now I am on to the last row which is putting a pico edge around the border. I’ll show you a picture of that when it’s finished. It should be finished at the next Knitting session on Thursday.

I just need to decide on my next project now. I keep thinking I want to do something with Tunisian Crochet, but at the moment I can’t find a pattern for something I want to make. I want to make a jumper or a Hoodie for myself but I can’t find any patterns for things I like. So if I wanna stick with Tunisian Crochet I might end up making a blanket or something like that. I’ll keep looking though and hopefully I’ll find something.

I’ve still been doing all of the crafty things like Sanntangle and card making. Here are the tiles I’ve done over the past few weeks:

Sticking with Sanntangle there have been a couple of other projects I’ve been working on. Here is the toucan from the menagerie set:

While working on the toucan I did find out that they have blue legs and feet. Totally unrelated I just thought it was an interesting fact.

Another Sanntangle project I’ve been working on is from Sandra’s first online class in a long time:

I still haven’t finished it but as you realise I’ve had quite a bit going on in the last month.

I’ve still made some cards though:

So I’ve made a few birthday cards and an anniversary card.

In the last post I talked about how I was worried about the disability benefit reforms. So I emailed my local MP who organised a meeting to listen what disabled people in his constituency had to say about it. So I went to that meeting and you’ll never guess what was happening outside. They were digging up the road between the car park and the way into the building where the meeting was:

I had to be helped to across the road in my wheelchair by some of the workmen. As they dug up the road the curbs were a lot higher than normal on the road surface wasn’t very smooth so it was very difficult to cross it in my chair.

Despite the joys getting to and from the event it seemed like all of the disabled people there felt exactly the same as I did about the proposed reforms. But it did seem like the MP and his team listened to our concerns. Whether anything comes from it or not is yet to be seen. But if you care about disabled people please please please email your MP and take part in the consultation online.

As I’ve gone a bit overboard giving you lots of information about lots of things that have been happening. I’m gonna show a couple more pictures that I think are you cute or funny

Talking of TikTok I have a few videos on there now the mainly lip sync videos of random songs. It’s a bit of fun but if you’d like to follow my account here is a link

@psychichumbug

I’m doing well on TikTok at the moment I have 2174 followers. That’s the thing I’ve been doing over the past couple of weeks I’ve been working to build my account.

And with that I think that’s about everything so I’m gonna leave it there and say

Love and Light

If you know anything about me you’ll know or at least guess that most of my spare time over December has been spent making Christmas cards and there has been a few birthday cards in there too.

So without further ado here are pictures of the Christmas cards I’ve made:

I did quite a few plain Christmas cards with the Christmas tree on I think about 30 ish. Green glitter card on a kraft card, card blank. I think it looks like a really good combination. To me I feel it’s the sort of thing that you’d find in a designer boutique somewhere. There are some with poinsettias on and others with holly leaves and berry. The cards with the reindeer and robin on are stamps that have been water coloured.

Some of the special cards I did that are decoupaged and you can see there are quite a few layers to them. There is one of them where I got a bid giddy with the 4mm foam pads:

Since my last post I’ve had to do quite a few birthday cards too. 1 for Dex,

A couple for Harvey (1 from me, 1 from mum, 1 from Mason and 1 from Auntie Jean),

The there was a card for Git Face herself, 😂 my lovely sister,

I love her really (but don’t tell her that).

The card for Dex I’ve entered into a competition on Facebook, so if you have time please use the link below, find the angel wings card and give it a like:

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/ddkbBLEwt864acTR/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Working on the tiles has carried on as you’d expect:

And some of my tangling work has ended up on Hobby Maker. Sandra took some of it to use as samples for some of her products:

They are based on some affirmation symbol stamps that I have added tangles round

Here are the pictures of the steps I took making the card.

And here are the steps for I took for the book mark

After that I mounted it onto some thick mount board to make it a more substantial. Do you really want a flimsy book mark?

I also decide to bling up one of my Sanntangle gnomes.

He’s called Fabian The Fabulous and he’s a bit of a diva.

He sits with the other gnome keeping an eye on Jack, Ursula and Maleficent keeping them in check and looking over my craft area.

With Sanntangle we (that’s the royal we) have now done over 500 tiles. To celebrate this milestone Sandra asked for people to recreate their favourite tile and send it in. This is the tile I did and sent in.

Personally I didn’t do many of the tiles below 100, I did a quite a few of them though. But, I have done every single tile since so I have now done over 400 tiles. Most of them you will see in my blog posts. You might have to go back a fair way though.

Over the past month Martha (scan n cut) has been pretty busy. She does help me with most of my cards after all. I’ve done some vinyl work too.

As my dad’s uncle passed away a few months ago he needed to be added to our Christmas tree. Last year I added the names of our passed relatives to some baubles to go on our Christmas tree, as a way to remember them at Christmas.

Here is a picture of Gordon’s bauble

I also made one to give to auntie Jean too.

Some other vinyl work I’ve done was to sort out a Christmas T-shirt for Lucy

My biggest worry about making that was that I had a dyslexic moment spelling Santa and it came out another way with a name for a totally different person. 😈

I do call Lucy Lucifer occasionally though. Because she can be a little demon times but that’s just like most 2 year olds.

Another project I did for Lucy was to re do the name and star on her bag:

On the last service at church before closing for Christmas we generally have our candle light service. It’s normally on the service closest to the solstice on 21 December and it’s about the light returning and days starting to get longer etc.

So for the candlelight service I decided to make something special for church. I added the words of the healing prayer we use to a LED candle lantern.

I think it’s looks nice and there is something about it shining light through the prayer that makes it extra special. In my head anyway. While I was setting things up for the service that night I put out all the candle and decided to get a picture with the lights off to see how it all looked:

I think it looks nice and I have to say that from what I remember the shapes on the back wall are just reflections of light through an open door.

So another thing I made was for one of our ex foster kids. I added the names of their family to a wooden Christmas Tree

Now it’s time to talk about Christmas. It was a few days ago and I got some lovely gifts. And got to spend a lovely time with the family.

Here are some pictures of the things I received

I also got quite a few fidget toys. One of them scared me senseless though. The other night I rolled over in bed and just saw this:

They are just stretchy bands. I didn’t know that they glow in the dark. So it gave me a bit of a shock because I wasn’t expecting to see these glowing worm looking things.

But I got a special little gift off Git Face. She got me a little box:

And when you open it this pops out.

Onto knitting, I have finished the back and two fronts of the cardigan for Lucy and now I’m on to the sleeves:

I have done something for the first time. I have actually joined and spoken on a TikTok live and not just stayed in the comments. It was a conversation about spiritual things. The guy that does it does them quite a lot and they are very interesting. Listening to different people’s stories and experiences. Just talking about all sorts of different things spiritual. It’s turned into a bit of a community for lots of likeminded people to come together.

You can find his channel on TikTok:

https://www.tiktok.com/@overtheotherside?_t=8sckCEfkcPQ&_r=1

And he does a podcast that you can find on Spotify, YouTube and iTunes. Here is a link to his YouTube channel:

https://youtube.com/@overtheotherside?si=XSYKYr2p1q1hpF2v

There are some very interesting videos there.

Here are a couple of interesting pictures. I got a new squishmallow

And to finish things off here is just a random picture of Zoe that I thought was funny. She does sleep in some funny positions sometimes:

Love and light.

What the hell is going on in the world. It looks like it’s just gone completely doolally.

I think it really needs to give its head a good wobble.

Convicted criminals being elected to the most powerful position in the world?

Really?

From what I am seeing online it looks like people are starting to learn lessons about leopards eating faces.

Here is a link to a video on TikTok that might give you an idea of what I mean:

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGdFw2vHY/

Part of me is hoping that the people that voted for it get exactly what they voted for. Most of them don’t actually know what they voted for.

The other part of me is worried for all the innocent people that will be affected. People in the LGBTQIA+ community that are going to lose rights. The fact that women are likely to lose their rights too.

It looks like history is repeating itself. Last time it started in Germany but this time it looks like it’s starting in America. The decent into fascism has started and again the warning signs have all been ignored. There were people telling others about what was going on but their words fell on deaf ears.

I’m also scared about what impact the changes that are made will have on people here and in other places around the world. I really am hoping I’m worrying over nothing and have hope that the darkness will not prevail.

So with that we all need to keep shining as bright as we can and spread the light far and wide.

So crafty bits over the last few weeks.

Sanntangle.

Here are the tiles I’ve done:

In the last post I started showing pictures of how the raven was coming along. Here are a few more:

I started to fill in the raven with pen but got side tracked working on something else (easily done).

Because of ts taken me so long to write this update a few more things have happened too. I had a major wobble the other day.

While I was at church I heard one of the sounds I hate the most. Is a sound that for some reason really sets me off and makes me panic. While I was outside I heard a car screech and then a crunch. It was a car accident.

I have no idea why that noise sets me off so much. Anything to do with car accidents really does make me panic. Even if I’m not involved, just the sound of one happening a street or two away has an effect. It’s like a switch flips in my head and the adrenaline starts pumping and I go all jittery and start panicking and get scared.

The same thing happens if I’m in a car and we go past one that’s already happened or if I see a car that has been in an accident with dents etc. I start panicking.

I really do hate the way my head works. I feel stupid that it’s happening and struggle to get things back in control.

But that night with the help of Tracy at church I managed to get things back in control and didn’t end up going into a full on panic attack.

Back to crafty things

Here are some of the cards I’ve made over the last few weeks:

I have also started on cards for the dreaded C word that’s coming up in a few weeks:

That’s as far as I’ve got so far. I’ve also started to build some other cut files for some other cards.

Because I’ve been building some posters for church to say which mediums are on. I’m not going to share any of them but I also built this and thought it was funny

I was at a healer training day at gorton monastery last week and spotted this in the room we were using:

Just showing that you will find pentacles in all sorts of places.

I’ve done a bit more encaustic art too.

Knitting wise I have finished one of the front pieces and started on the other now. I think I’m on the left front now. It might be the other way round. But here is a picture of the other front bit:

I think I’ve bombarded you now with enough pictures so I’m going to leave things there.

With what’s going on in the world. Stay safe and shine bright.

Love and light.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been saying “I’ll do it in a bit” quite a lot. I kept saying to myself that I need to do a blog post.

“I’ll do it in a bit”.

As you can see a bit never materialised until tonight. I just keep coming up with excuses as to why I didn’t need to do it there and then.

“I’ve got to finish this card”

“I need to sort out this video”

“I need to go to and do something else”

“I don’t feel up to it right now”

You name it I think m I used it as an excuse. I wouldn’t mind but the only person I was cheating was myself.

The last thing I ever wanted was writing this blog to become chore. Because if it gets to that point I’ll just start resenting it and hating it rather than finding it helpful and beneficial.

I really enjoy spending some time chilling and reflecting on what I’ve been up to over the previous few weeks. But because I’ve waited so long I start beating myself up (not literally) about not doing it.

Why didn’t I do this sooner?

You should have done it earlier than this

This is a space where I can put down what’s been going on. Process what’s been happening with regards to my mental and physical health.

I really don’t want that to happen.

But right now all I seem to want to do is just close my eye and go to sleep.

Guess what, well I did fall asleep.

So now it’s the day after.

Honestly the last few weeks haven’t been that great. Pain as you’d expect has been a pain. For some reason it’s been really playing up. I think I am to blame though, I probably over did it somewhere. Well, I will have over done it somewhere.

I think things were starting to settle down a bit. But I had my Covid jab today. So it’s likely that I’ll be rough later and tomorrow. That’s going off how I’ve been after all the others.

Agreeing to go for something that you know is likely to make you ill is pretty tough. Going into the chemist where you’re having the jab almost feels like you’re walking to the gallows. (I’m guessing, it’s not something I’ve done so I couldn’t really tell you). I just have to keep telling myself that being rough for a day or two is better than ending up in hospital on an ICU ward.

So in the last couple of weeks there has been a time where the sky lit up in our part of the world. The northern lights were visible, after completely missing it the last time it happened I thought I want to go outside and have a look and see what I could see. I nearly missed it again. The only reason I knew it was happening was because I looked at Facebook and people were putting up pictures of what they could see.

Have to admit that my pictures aren’t great but I got a couple, you can just seen a bit of coloured light but that’s about it.

Even just seeing the little bit I did was quite amazing. It is a brilliant universe we are in.

I set up a crystal grid for a few friends who haven’t been feeling that great.

Just a bit of healing energy to help them along on the road to recovery.

A local ice cream place that we go to is called Jersey Girls. It’s a local farm that has jersey cows. They use the milk from the cows to make ice cream. And who doesn’t like a bit of ice cream.

Because it’s a working farm they have animals. While we were there one day there were chickens walking round the yard. So I thought I’d sneak in a. Unadulterated cock shot.

While I was a church a week or so back

I was looking through one of the books to get an idea of something to use to talk about if I needed to do the philosophy in the divine service.

I swear the book is magic. It’s a book of different spiritual poems. You can just flick through it. And wherever you stop the page will have something relevant on it that will help you or someone else that’s listening to the words. Earlier that day I’d been having a conversation with someone about healing. And this is the poem that came out while flicking through the book.

I thought it was quite fitting for the conversation I was having,

So on to crafty things.

Let’s start with a bit of tangling.

Here are the tiles from the last few weeks:

This month a tiny tile partook pice has been happening. Here e a re some pictures of what’s been done so far. They won’t be in any particular order. It will probably go 1,16,4etc but you’ll get the idea of how the piece is coming together.

I think the bird is supposed to be a raven but it’s gone through a few different species. From pigeon through sea gull to what ever it is at the moment, thank god it’s only in pencil which means it can be rubbed out and changed. I might get it close to the intended subject but you’ll have to wait to see it.

Sticking with tangling for a little while. Tiles, Tangles and Techniques book 14 came out in the last couple of weeks. At the back of the book Sandra puts in a gallery section. This is where people that have been following along for a while get the chance to send in pictures of the tiles they have done. These are pictures of the tiles I sent in.

Some of those pictures made it into the book.

There is a piece that I did in the last few week that I did really enjoy doing and I shared the picture with Kane, the designer, and he really liked it which of course is a nice buzz, here it is:

I actually sent it in to Sandra so it can be used as a sample the next time the koi goes on to hobby maker.

Also in the last few weeks I started a new hobby. I started working with encaustic art. It’s an art form that uses melted wax with an iron or hot plate. It was something that was mentioned to me ages ago as part of a message and the thought has stayed with me so when the opportunity came up I had to take it. I have only done one piece so far but I like it. Here’s a picture of the piece I’ve done:

My plan with the whole thing is to make my own set of oracle type cards that can be used for readings and things like that.

Knitting wise I’m still working on the cardigan for Lucy.

I’ve made a few cards over the past couple of weeks too. Last time I said I’d started working on a card for my auntie and uncles wedding anniversary. But my uncle passed away before the card was finished and before their anniversary. Well my auntie said she wanted the card as a keep sake. So, I finished it and mum and dad took it down to her when they went to the funeral.

Here is that card:

When mum and dad went down to the funeral I asked mum to put a message in with uncle Gordon on his journey:

I’ve made a couple more cards too:

I’ve done a little bit of vinyl work:

As always there will have been other things that I’ve done but me being me didn’t get pictures and because I don’t have pictures I can’t remember that I actually did them so I’m going to leave things there.

I wish you all the best,

Love and Light.