Author: Humbug

Haven’t the last couple of weeks flown by? They’ve been and gone before I knew it.

I was going to do the usual talk about what’s been going on and what I’ve been up to but had an amazing experience at the monthly gong bath, so I’ll talk about that first.

Well it started off a bit rushed and cold, Graham and Ondray were quite rushed because they got stuck behind an accident on the way so they didn’t get there until 7. By that time they are normally all set up and ready to go so it was a bit of a headless chicken act for them but all got sorted in time for things to start at 7:30.

So tonight I had plans to focus on sending some intense healing to some friend. Well I did that but also experienced some interesting things.

So while I was sat there channeling some healing energy and a bit of reiki and some Karuna and what ever else was coming through I started to get a strange sensation in my upper back. It was weird but knew what ever it was I just had to let it happen.

At first it felt like the energy was coming a bit from me and a bit from the spirit world/universe or god or whatever you want to call it. But then it was like something just clicked and , things ramped up a gear, well a couple of gears really, and all of a sudden the energy started coming through me and nothing was actually coming from me. It’s awkward to explain and I know that what’s supposed to happen and normally it does. Well, I thought so, but it seems that’s not what was happening after all. It was an amazing feeling.

Anyway let’s get back to the weird sensation in my upper back. It was tingling and felt like my back was being pulled up, well not pulled more like floating up. The floating energy sensation carried on and I started to grow a pair of angel wings.

Then people I was sending healing to appeared In front of me. Or I went to them I’m not sure which way round it was. Then to give that extra healing boost to them I wrapped my wings round them and started to shine. There was a light that shone so bright that it would normally hurt your eyes, but this light didn’t. And I knew even though it only happened in a fraction of a second they got everything they needed from it.

It was a lovely experience and the healing that was going out was amazing. It was so clear, pure and strong it was just love, light and compassion. Simple things that there just isn’t enough of in the world. We all have it in us we just need to let it shine.

After the healing experience something else started to happen. Well it was at the same time. Like 2 separate things happening at the same time. Well one was happening now and the other was happening a long time ago in the past.

I was in ancient Egypt (well it wasn’t ancient at the time but you know what I mean). The sights, the sounds, the smells everything was so interesting but I seemed to know how everything worked. I was a priest or a wizard or something like that. I had awesome knowledge and some amazing abilities and the things I could do really scared some people.

I had a job that was to help the pharaoh on their final journey. It wasn’t a scary experience or anything like that. It wasn’t like I was going to be sacrificed. It was literally just helping someone on a journey.

Interesting side note – I had a staff like a walking stick then too.

I’d been helping pharaohs take this journey for a long time. I went with the pharaohs into the tombs and spent about a week with them helping them on the journey into the next world. Swaying things here and there where it was needed and just making sure they got to where they were supposed to be.

Well where tradition said they should end up even though on the odd occasion they didn’t make it because they didn’t deserve it. Or more like I didn’t sway things in their favour. Those Pharaohs didn’t quite like it but it didn’t matter because the powers that be or gods sorted it all out and generally agreed with what I did.

So on this occasion I went with the pharaoh to the tomb. I was supposed to be there for about a week, I didn’t need food or water or anything like that, I think I just used universal energy to live off and the energy of the other magical and sacred things in the tomb.

But this time some people decided they didn’t like what I could do or I scared them or something. And because of that they secretly planned to lock me in the tomb and not let me out. So I went with the Pharaoh and helped them to pass over to the good place or The Field of Reeds. And when I’d finished with that and went to leave, the tomb had been fully sealed and the entrance buried. They did it this way to try and get rid of me.

But what they didn’t know was because of all the magic I alway had a way out. I don’t know if it was magic or if I just knew a secret entrance/exit but I got out.

When I got out, I was clean and tidy just the way I was when I went in. But, before going back to the palace or temple, I made myself look a little dirty and disheveled like I’d had a tough time (it was all about the appearance).

At the Temple or Palace the people that tried and failed to lock me up were going through my things trying to divvy things up. They didn’t know what the things they were holding were or the power they had. They just knew that they wanted them. I think they were drawn to the vibration and energy they gave off.

The look on their faces when I walked in was priceless. They dropped everything and left looking very sheepish knowing they messed up big time. Such a change from the smug, proud looks they had before, like the cat that got the cream (weird saying but felt right to use it there).

They knew things weren’t good for them. They didn’t know what was going to happen but they started living in fear. Everything they did the were scared something bad was going to happen to them.

I didn’t need to do anything. They were living in fear of pretty much everything. Because they messed up on a massive scale the gods and universe put things in place for them to learn the lessons they needed. As they weren’t nice people and didn’t learn from what was happening they kept being put through the same lessons and things got worse and worse and worse for them (You might call it Karma).

I also know that when they passed they didn’t make it to the nice place.

And that all happened while I was doing the healing work. It was an amazing experience. I’ve also heard back from the people I sent the healing to and they said it helped them.

29 November is Dexter’s Birthday. I know he had a great day. He’s not physically here but celebrated in the spirit world with the family that went before us. Big Love Dex keep shining.

So after all that I can’t really remember any specific things I done so I’ll just talk about the crafty and tangly bits I’ve done:

So crafty wise I’ve made a couple of cards and I’ve actually started my Christmas Cards. I’ve only done 2 so far but I’ve made a start, I even dug out Crafter’s Bane and used that on them. Here are pictures of the cards I’ve done:

I made another card for Adam from me, mum and dad but needed a video to show what it did so here it is.

Nice little pop up function,

There are probably other cards but they have been lost to the annals of time (That’s a better way of say I forgot to take pictures).

Tangly tiles:

I’ve been playing vinyl and plastic too:

I like the little snowman bauble for katie think it’s cute. Some of the bits didn’t cut too well though because of the size but it looks ok, the other bauble is for Katie to put in on the tree in Dexter’s Garden. I’m not really happy with it the backing pieces are too big. I measured the bauble and the flower shape and it should fit with no issues but something went wrong somewhere. I’ve got a few more to make so I’ve learnt from the mistakes of the past so the next lot should be better.

I think that’s about it. It’s the time of year for parties and get togethers and making merry etc so enjoy every moment and spread the love and light that’s inside you to everyone.

Keep shining,

Love and Light.

I had an interesting first time experience on Wednesday, I got to see the inside of my throat and my stomach. I had a gastroscopy.

I honestly had no idea what to expect. And as usual not knowing what to expect means Anxiety rears it’s head. So for the days leading out to it I was worried about it and thinking the worst possible things were going to happen. I was thinking it was going to last hours and I’d be gagging and wretching and they’d knock me out with a general anaesthetic and I wouldn’t be able to see anything or know what was happening.

I knew I’d have to fast before it and wouldn’t be able to drink anything or smoke my pipe. I thought I’d be really craving nicotine, really hungry and have a really bad dry mouth which meant I wouldn’t be able to talk properly and was expecting to have to wait until the mid afternoon for it to be done.

Originally the letter I received said I’d need to be there by 7:30am. I definitely wasn’t looking forward having to get up at stupid o’clock being tired, hungry and thirsty. But, on Tuesday I got a phone call from the hospital confirming the appointment and that I needed to be there for 9am. That extra time made the difference. Because of the time change it meant that it would take longer to get to the hospital but also that I could spend a bit longer in bed.

So I get to the hospital (with dad’s help, he was driving). Checked in at then had to wait to be called through to that ward I’d be on as a day patient.

It felt like I was waiting forever to be called through but really it had only been about 10 minutes if that. They called me though and dad got up to push me through. The nurse that called us through stopped dad at the door and said he couldn’t come in. Because it was a change to the way I expected it to be made me a bit worried. I pushed myself to the bay/space/area (whatever you want to call it) we’re I was supposed to be. A nice lady came in and asked a couple of questions like name, date of birth what I was there for and if I had any allergies. They already knew who I was supposed to be but they just wanted to make sure I was me. (If that makes sense).

A few minutes later another lady came in to check blood pressure, temperature, oxygen levels and pulse rate. Then a nurse came round who was very nice talked me through what was going to happen and introduced a lady that was going to be helping and talking me through things if it was needed. That guy was really nice and friendly and it really made me feel better and more relaxed.

He told me about option of sedation or the numbing spray. He said if I did the sedation they wouldn’t be able to do some of the tests that they wanted to do. So we went with the spray. He did say it doesn’t taste nice and that some people have said it’s like rotted bananas. Not long after that the consultant came in and ran through everything that was going to happen. He was great went through things and made sure I understood what was going to happen. It was a warm day, I was tired and I was hungry and a bit panicky so the brain wasn’t working as well as it normally does.

I didn’t have to wear one of those fetching hospital gowns I wore my own normal clothes which helped me feel better and more relaxed.

Not long after that the nice friendly nurse guy cam to take me down to the room it was happening in. They did ask if I could get down on foot or not I said I probably wouldn’t be able to make it so we went down to the room in my chair. I got out at the door and hobbled to the bed with my stick. I eat on the bed and they moved my stick out the way.

The room was quite imposing with lots of machines all over the place. Screens here and there, weird noises and a few people in scrubs wearing masks. They were really nice and friendly and talked me through what was going to happen. They lay me down on my side, put one of the mats over my chest, shoulder and the top of the bed and then gave me the spray, well put it in my mouth and sprayed. They also put this gag type thing in my mouth so the camera probe thing wouldn’t catch my teeth. I guessing it also to stop you biting the camera.

There was a screen opposite and a tray underneath it with a probe looking thing that was flashing different colours and was showing an extre close up of the tray. I didn’t need a phd to know or guess it was the camera. It was. I had to take my glasses off so I couldn’t see the screen clearly but I could still see quite a bit.

As they picked up the camera and moved it towards my mouth they told me to close my eyes. It was fibre optic cables with really bright lights. They need it because as you could imagine it’s pretty dark inside your body. When the camera went in I could feel it in my mouth and hit went to the back of my throat and the consultant who was doing it told me to swallow. (Behave) That was part of the test they were doing, I could feel the camera going down, it wasn’t painful it just felt really strange. A bit like being prodded from the inside.

It was weird seeing something on a screen in front of you but getting feeling or sensations inside. It’s not something you see everyday. I saw as the camera went down my throat and into my stomach. The consult talked me through what I was seeing and what was happening, the camera then moved into the duodenum (first bit of the small intestine) he had a look round and said everyone was looking ok. They moved back up and said they were going to take some biopsies. I’m not sure if it was my stomach or intestines or throat but again it wasn’t painful but on the screen you could see this little grabber thing come out and grab a bit of where ever it was. Again it wasn’t painful it just felt like a little pinch and pull inside.

Before they pulled the camera out the flushed out the line by putting some saline (I’m guessing) through it. That was the strangest bitit was like having a nice cold drink that went straight to my stomach and not through my mouth or down my throat.

After that they pulled out the camera and let me sit up they made sure I was ok and that was the procedure over and done with. I went back to the ward/bay/area thing, the observation nurse came in for a blood pressure, heart rate oxygen check. After that the first friendly nurse came in and said she’ll come back in 15 ish minutes to check how things are and get me a drink. So that meant a bit of time scrolling through Facebook or TikTok.

She came back and gave me a drink and said I could take my meds that I hadn’t taken yet that day. That went fine with no issues a few minute later someone came round with a copy of the report and then said I was free to go. Everything had happened and I was done by 11 am. So I pushed myself outside for a smoke and to call dad to come pick me up. Dad didn’t go home he just went to the Trafford centre for a wander round then he was close by to come get me when needed. He came picked me up and we went home.

Got home and told mum and dad about what had happened and gave mum the copy of the report for her file. Because I was tired I went back to bed for a couple of hours. That was pretty much it for the Gastroscopy.

Last Friday I went for a barium swallow test. Again something else where I didn’t know what to expect. That test was pretty boring and straight forward. Stand on this platform thing hold a barium drin in your left hand, take a mouthful, hold it in your mouth until they said swallow, as you swallowed the camera/X-ray machine moved down. After that turn to the side and do it all again. The only thing that stood out with that test is that it actually felt heavy, while drinking the barium mixture it felt heavy as it went down. Strange feeling but nothing concerning.

Other than those things there isn’t much else to report.

Oh yeah, I won a box of biscuits at the MS Garden Centre event. Also the crafty things as normal. I’ve started Crocheting a dragon from one of the pattern books I have. I haven’t finished my socks or jumper yet.

I’ve made a couple of cards:

The two good luck cards were for Harvey and Mason for the start of the new school year. Harvey has gone into year 7 (1st year at high school) and Mason has moved to year 11.

Of course there has been tangling

We’ve also started the Craftember piece, done 8 tiles so far:

I also sent some piece into Sandra as well these piece’s represent special things to me and they are more than pictures.

Katie gave me a something to do with Martha. As she’s recently had her bathroom done up she’s decided that she wants to put peoples shampoo, conditioner and Bodywash etc in identical bottles but the bottle labeled for each person (hope that makes sense) (it sort of did in my head) like this:

I’ve also made labels for Harvey’s calculator out of glow in the dark fluorescent vinyl and I’ve made a swag bag for Lucy that she can take her bits to nursery in.

Not sure why or where the idea came from but I decided to do French seems a on the sides of the bag:

I did buy some cord to use as the drawstring but while threading it through it all started splitting and coming apart so I pulled it out, gave it up as a bad job and filed that string in the B file also known as the bin. I had some other bits of rope that I got while away so I’ve used some of that.

I can’t think of anything else so I’m going to leave it there.

Love and light.

I need to apologise for not posting anything in the last few weeks. I’ve been on holiday with mum and dad. I wanted to post something earlier but there was something playing on my mind (really playing on my mind) that I shouldn’t post something about being away because people could then use the information and break into the house. By playing on my mind I really mean anxiety level.

For the couple of weeks before we went away my anxiety was playing up a fair bit. No matter what I did I’d get that panicky anxiety feeling. It was pretty pants being honest. I think it was partly due to the upcoming holiday.

I was worrying about the journey down there. What I’d be doing when I was there. How would I get around while I was there. Would I have enough clothes to last for 3 weeks. Would the house be safe while we were away. How would Zoe be while we were away. You name it I was worrying about it and it was playing on my mind. There would be times I was sat in the car on my own while whoever was with me popped into a shop or something. For some reason the anxiety would set it and I start feeling very unsafe. I’d lock the doors and not move so the alarm didn’t go off. Become hyper vigilant and the slightest movement or noise would grab my attention. Be aware of anyone or anything that was moving round the car and pay attention so I’d be ready in case something happened (no idea what I’d do, probably just panic and have a meltdown). Who knew just sitting alone in a car would be so storing and stressful.

Another thing that can set it off is if I’m out somewhere in my chair and there is nothing behind me. If we have to stop somewhere like wait outside a shop or something it can set off panicking if my back is not against a wall or if someone isn’t stood behind me. The worry is that someone could run up and go through the bag on my chair or push me away or do something that isn’t good or nice.

The week before we went away I had an appointment with the MS nurses. It was an actual face to face appointment at the hospital. I almost felt a bit privileged to actually see the person I was talking too. Mum and dad were also there to take in information that I’d forget, ask any questions that need asking , again that I’d forget about or that they had. And also prompt me to talk about things I’d forget to talk about. I didn’t forget much this time and also got to speak about tinnitus, dizzy and wobbliness and my anxiety playing up. Also during the appointment I go to do my MS group thing and tell the nurse about what the group is up to.

After the nurse appointment I said I was worried I wouldn’t have enough clothes for the holiday and we took a trip to Primarni and I spent a small fortune and ended up with more than enough clothes. The problem now we’re home and washing is being done is I needs to have a clear out in my wardrobe to make enough room to store the new clothes.

Nothing else jumps out in my mind about anything that happened before the holiday. But that is the biggest thing that’s happened recently anyway.

So along time ago (not a galaxy far far away) Friday came that we would be traveling down to the boat. My alarm went off at the normal time (I set it for 7:30 2 or 3 years ago and haven’t turned it off. But now it feels wrong to think about turning it off). I packed away the last few things I needed like phone chargers, headphones and toothbrush aand the most important thing, my crystal. When the car, the trailer and roof box were all loaded and nearly every available inch was stuffed it was time for the people. I said earlier I was worried about the journey. I was in the passenger seat, dad was driving, with mum, Mason and Zoe in the back. I know being in the car while it’s busy and the road is full of cars and lorries can set off my anxiety. I can say the journey wasn’t too bad anxiety wise. There were a couple times I started to feel uneasy but I managed to hold it together. I distracted myself and either checked my phone, listened to an audiobook or did something else.

The worst part of the journey was when we stopped at a service station while getting out of the car my band new phone (less than a week old) fell out of my bag and hit the floor. The phone it’s self was ok but it cracked the screen protector. To say I was gutted and annoyed was an understatement.

The most impressive thing about the journey was when we were stopped and another service station I went to use the loo with my radar key. In the loo was a full size changing station. By full size I mean one that can be used to change anyone and everyone from babies to adults. I was impressed because it was the first time I’d seen one in an accessible toilet and it meant that if someone bigger than a baby needs changing they can get that done without having to lie on the loo floor. the changing table was electric and there was a harness in there to lift people it was just refreshing to actually see things in there that can be used to help anyone. I can’t remember which service station it was but I have the farm shop one at Gloucester but I could be wrong.

Anyway about 7pm we arrived in Plymouth and it was the first time in a couple of years I saw the boat.

Because the boat is a short distance along the pontoon (too far and difficult for me to walk) I needed my chair to get down to the boat. To get there you have to go up a ramp, through a security gate, over a bridge to get to the pontoon then you have to go along that to get to the boat. The first ramp is to the gate is short and very steep. If I tried to get up it on my own I’d end up falling backwards over my chair. Also because the bridge and pontoons rise and fall with the tide the bridge can be pretty steep. If you look at the wall in the background of that picture you can see the water line/tide line. So the tide was out, which meant the bridge would be steep. I didn’t take a picture of the bridge but it was a bit steep and we had to get down it and I needed help and strong hands to slow down and put on the breaks. It’s safe to say that if I was at the top and the person helping let go I would more than likely end up in the hospital. There is a barrier at the bottom but I do not want to pile into it at speed. Or my hands would be mashed and messed up from trying to stop the wheels.

Because of the ramps and the bridge I wouldn’t be able to get anywhere on my own and I’d need someone to help.

Here is a random picture of Zoe in her buoyancy aid:

We spent the first week of the holiday in Plymouth because the weather was too rubbish to go anywhere by boat. We did have a couple of trips out in the car though. 1 was to Salcombe, it’s a regular place we normally go to while we’re down there. Again the weather was pants so I got wet from rain. Salcombe is not a very accessible place. It’s very uneven roads and pavements. We went up and down the main Street very few of the shops have ramps to get in so if I wanted to go into them I had to get out of my chair and hobble round with my stick. From Salcombe I bought a cap in Cuba & co and some sweets from the sweet shop. We had a Pasty for lunch and some ice cream then back along the uneven streets to the car and back to the boat. Also while we were in Salcombe on the way back to the car I moved over to the side to let people past but my hand decided to have an argument with a wall and my knuckles got all scraped up.

We did the usual wander (or wheel) round the Barbican (again uneven streets and pavements) and into the city centre to go round the shops. After the issues with phone coming out of my bag I bought a new one from Fat Face. This one the shuts securely, woooooo.

Another trip out we had while in Plymouth was very close by the marina within a 5 minute car ride. It’s possible to get there on foot, dad and Zoe did it regularly on their walks, but it wouldn’t be possible in my chair. Ot was on top of the cliffs (Nowhere near the edge) looking out over the sound. It had nice views and there was a cafe and a grassy area that Zoe could play fetch on. It was a bright clear sunny day and what I found out was that I’m quiet sensitive to sunlight. I think some of my medication has made me quite photosensitive so when I’m in the sun it can literally feel like my skin is burning and getting really bad sunburn so even though it was really warm I had to wrap up. On that trip the car was parked at the top of a steep hill and we were lower down. There is a road that we used to get down so dad said he would get the car drive down to pick us up. When dad came down I was in my chair so a backed up a bit to let him get closer but I must have caught something but I ended up falling backwards out of my chair.the pain from falling wasn’t bad it was more about the sheer embarrassment. That was the worst bit. You’re laying on the floor from falling out of your chair and people run round and start fussing about. It’s really embarrassing but I managed to get up and just went to sit in the car. Only a couple of steps because dad had come down the hill. Then back to the boat.

Here is a couple of pictures I got of Zoe while we were out and about.

After the first week the weather had picked up a bit for sailing so we set off for Fowey. It was a relatively straightforward trip. Set off from Plymouth, out of the sound and turn right. We normally go let towards Salcombe but this time the wind had other ideas. After a few hours we arrived in Fowey. It wasn’t a marina like Plymouth it was just pontoons that weren’t connected to the shore. So if you wanted to get to Fowey and into the town you needed to either use the water Taxi or a small dinghy from your boat.

So water taxi it was to get into town. We wouldn’t have been able to get me, my chair, the bits , the stuff mum needs and Zoe on the dinghy. If we tried to do it on our own it would have taken lots of trips.

We all got into town dad found a shop to get the bits we needed for tea. And we had another trip to a bakery for a pasty for lunch and some Ice cream for afters. Fowey was pretty crap. Another inaccessible place with steps into shops there were Cobbled and narrow streets, most of my view in Fowey was of walls. I ended up facing them when I was in my chair being pushed out of the way of cars so yeah pretty pants really.

After Fowey we set sail again, well motored, to Falmouth. Falmouth is where the boat used to be based and somewhere I spent a lot of time when I was a kid. We stayed in Falmouth for a couple of days. While there I bought another cap this one was from the Musto shop. In Falmouth there was a crystal shop and a craft shop and it’s rude to not go into them and buy something. So I came away with some thumb stones. From the craft shop I got a little bag that says just one more row.

Is a little bag but thought it would be perfect for my current/holiday knitting project. On holiday I started knitting some rainbow socks. I got 1 done and to the heel flap on the other but I need to finish it off.

While sailing into Falmouth we went past an immortal place. We went past Fraggle rock

I used to love watching Fraggle Rock and when the boat was in Falmouth we used to sail past it twice on every holiday. Once going out and one back in.

Knitting was one of the two craft I could do while away. The other was of course Sanntangle. Before I went away I’d a couple of tiles and I did 6 others while on holiday. I’ve done every tile since 101 so I could stop for something like a holiday. Anyway here are all the tiles I’ve done.

Sticking with Tangling the Tile Swap arrived while I was away. Here is the tile I sent

And I received 2. Both from Sue Staff. I’m guessing she couldn’t decide which tile to send so she sent both:

They’re brilliant aren’t they?

Unfortunately, while we were in Falmouth Zoe was playing with some other dogs. She went to jump back on the boat and missed. She landed in the water and swam like a proper little trooper. Thankfully there was a guy in a dinghy close by so he manage to fish her out. To me though she did seem a bit panicky while swimming but it all turned out ok though. She was fished out and dried off and she ended up getting lots of treats that day,

After Falmouth we went up a river close by to hide from a storm or something. We got a bit of rain where we were and maybe a little bit of wind but nothing really bad.

From the river we were going to head back to Fowey, we got there but there was no room for us and all the pontoons had signs on saying they were all reserved for Fowey week so we went back out of the little river mouth where Fowey is and carried on our journey back to Plymouth. One one of the trips I wash tired so I went for a sleep and I ended up waking up to this sight:

Zoe had fallen asleep next to me. Bit of an unexpected surprise but it was funny so I couldn’t resist getting a picture of it.

So back in Plymouth we had some time to kill before we were coming home so mum and dad had chance to meet up with some friend that moved down there. Something else that happened in Plymouth was the finals of the British Fireworks championship. So over 2 nights there were 6 teams competing by putting on a fireworks display. The fireworks were being set off from the Mountbatten breakwater. That is not very far away. I might have told you before that Zoe doesn’t like fireworks. They scare her senseless each display was only 10 minutes long but we had one very scared dog to deal with. I did get a couple of videos of the display we watched. I’ve put them on YouTube and here are links if you’d like to see them.

Something did happen while we were back in Plymouth. I fell into one of the shrouds on the boat (wire thing that holds the mast up). It hurt a bit when I did it but not really badly. But the bruise that’s come up on my arm is something shocking.

A day or two after the fireworks we came home. I was a bit anxious again about the car ride but I’d done it once so I could do it again. It was a pretty simple and straightforward journey home with no issues. Now it’s just the fun of getting all the washing done and dealing with an achy bruised arm.

The other thing if you hadn’t noticed is that the because of the new phone the camera on it is better so the pictures should now be of a better quality. Here are some other pictures I’d taken that I couldn’t fit into. There are a couple of cards I’d done too:

I did make some cards for dad’s birthday but I can’t find any pictures of them so I’ll probably have forgotten to take them and also there are a couple of cards I made for mums birthday in there too.

That’s about it for now so I’ll leave the epic there.

Love and light

Sorry I’ve not posted for a while. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks mental health wise. I feel a bit uncomfortable telling you about this but mental health is really important and the only way we’ll smash the stigma is by talking about it openly and honestly. The last few weeks I’ve had something playing on my mind and it keeps churning over and over and over, again and again.

I haven’t fully made a decision about giving it up yet but things are looking more and more likely that will be the way I go. I don’t want to go into too much detail about what it is yet because I still need to discuss it with a few people. So for now all I’ll say is that there are 2 parts to something I’m doing and 1 part of it is making me resent and no longer enjoy the other part. And because of this it’s stressing me out. I said it keeps running round in my head so because of that it’s affecting my mood and affecting my sleep. If you didn’t know but now because of my MS I find dealing with stress extremely difficult.

Another thing I’ve found out about over the last few weeks is I know now how people with indigestion and reflux can sometimes think they are having heart trouble. To start this bit off for the past year or 2 I have been having issues with swallowing. Food getting stuck in my throat and not going down properly so there are times when there is food in my throat and I need to breath so I end up breathing round the food while it’s still in my throat. So a after appointments with the gp and having my medications messed about with I was referred to a specialist. So after the appointment with the specialist they are going to do some more tests. They booked me in for a barium meal and a camera down my throat, that’s happening in September. There was another test he wanted doing, he said I would need to be off my reflux medication for 2 weeks before hand. I didn’t even make it a week.

The day after the specialist appointment I stopped taking the reflux medication in preparation for the test. Day 1 was ok but that was because the medication from the day before was still working it’s way through my system. The day after was uncomfortable and things got worse and worse and worse from there. As each day came and went the uncomfortable feeling changed to bad reflux which then turned to pain which then became agony. So after only a couple of days I was getting really bad chest pains, if I hadn’t been having reflux issues for a few days I would have been convinced I was having heart problems.

It got so bad I got mum to call the specialists office to find out if there was something I could do to help deal with the problem. The specialist wasn’t available but thankfully mum spoke to a nurse on the specialists team. The nurse said we didn’t want me in pain so she said I should restart my reflux meds and use antacids if needed too. She also said she’d get the specialist to call the next day. The specialist called and told mum exactly the same thing as the nurse. So the first day or two back on my meds I was drinking gaviscon almost as if it was for fun but pretty much straight away I started feeling better. And after a couple of days my reflux was back under control.

In the last few weeks I got myself a new toy. For this one though I can blame Katie. She was round one day and I was saying I was thinking of getting a digital cutting machine. I needed to explain what one was but she just said do it and then sent me some money for my birthday. So the next day I ordered a scan n cut SDX 1200 from Hobby Maker. I ordered from there because I had a 20% discount code from the back of a badge. So please allow me to introduce Martha:

I’ve no idea where the name Martha came from but it just popped in my head when I was thinking of a name. But I thought that Martha and Doriss would work really well together.

There are loads of different things you can do with it and honestly I don’t think I will ever fully understand how to work with everything on the machine. It might be a bit complicated at times but I am learning as I go by playing with things and a bit of occasional help from YouTube. I’ve done a few different things so far but one of the most important things was making vinyl name badged for Martha and Doriss.

I’ve done a couple of other things with vinyl:

And I made a door sign for my craft/sewing room:

That sign had hung there for about 48 hours before it was noticed by mum and dad. Mum even stood in front of it while having a conversation with me at one point and she still didn’t notice. When she eventually did she just called me a cheeky git.

Other here are some pictures of other things I’ve done with Martha. She doesn’t just cut but she draws too

I’ve also used Martha with some of the cards I’ve made. I’ve used her to cut out stamped images write messages inside the cards. Talking about cards here are pictures that f some of the cards I’ve made:

There are some others but me being me I’ve forgotten to take pictures.

Moving on to Tangling. Here are pictures of the tiles I’ve done

There have been 2 tile swaps here are the tiles I’ve received:

Both tiles really are amazing.

On to knitting I’m still working on the comforter and I’m doing the stuffed toy bit. So far I have a head and 2 ears just need the arms next so when it’s finally done I’ll add pictures.

I think that’s about all I can remember for now so I’ll leave it there.

Love and light.

Last week it was my 40th birthday. Honestly I haven’t really known how I feel about being 40. When thinking about it and mulling it over in my head I started to feel uncomfortable.

I started feeling a bit useless and a bit of a failure. I’m 40 years old and still living at home with my mum and dad (I couldn’t cope in my own without their care and support). I’ve been married and divorced, come out of the closet. I’ve written off a car. Lost my license 12 months later (because of my MS symptoms not the car accident). Become disabled and had my life completely turned upside down. I now need to rely on other people far more than I’ve had to in the past. I really am grateful for everyone that’s supported and cared for me but I still feel like I’m a let down. I know most of these feelings are down to the messed up way my head works now and that they are stupid but still doesn’t stop me thinking and feeling that way.

I haven’t posted in so long because working through those feelings and not being really sure how to or if I should put these things down in writing. But it’s there it’s done I’ve said it. One of the main reasons for starting this blog was to get things like that out in the open and off my chest. For some reason I find it a lot easier to talk about these things here than have these sort of conversations face to face with someone.

Of course crafting and tangling can help me escape the thought and feelings for a while but at some point I still have to face them and work through them. But in the last few weeks I’ve done quite a bit of crafting and tangling it hasn’t all been to escape things there have been a few birthdays and other events.

So here are pictures of the cards I’ve done:

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I have done another card but I’m not sharing that one because it hasn’t been used yet so I’ll share that in the next few weeks

Tangling and tiles

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I’ve worked on a few other tangle pieces in the last few weeks too:

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These are two birds from the most recent Tangled Birds book that Sandra launched on Hobby maker in the last couple of weeks.

On to the Tile Swap here is a picture of the tile I received in the last tile swap.

And here is a picture of the tile I sent in

The latest tile swap hasn’t been done yet. I’ve sent in my tile but they haven’t been swapped and sent back out yet. The deadline for it isn’t until tomorrow so it will be maybe another week or so until I get the swapped tile.

Next weekend is my birthday present weekend from Mum and Dad. It a weekend of workshops at Sanntangle HQ. And on the way there we get to go via the Haribo shop in Pontefract. So from that part of the trip I’ll be stocking up on sweets and refilling my cache of golden bears and other Haribo treats.

It will be great to see some people face to face again this weekend rather than through a tv or computer screen. There will be a few different projects done over the weekend and when I’m happy with them I’ll be sharing pictures of my work on here.

Sewing wise there have been a few things I’ve done I finished the doll for Lucy. But the doll turned into a mermaid. It went that way because the soft flannel fabric I was going to make the body out of had fish on it so it just made sense to change it into a mermaid.

So here she is

Here are a couple of pictures of what she has gone through in the process of being made:

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I haven’t named her as I feel that is a job for Lucy. I gave the mermaid to Lucy when Katie, Harvey and Lucy came round on my birthday. And here are a couple of pictures from when Lucy received the mermaid.

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From those pictures I’m pretty sure that Lucy like her and that they’ll be friends for a good long while yet.

The other bit of sewing I’ve done was making a pouch or draw string bag that we can use for raffles at MS events. It can fold up small when it’s not being used, it’s easy to transport and because it’s lined and reversible it’s easy to empty and it can be used lots and lots of times. And it looks loads better than trying to ask for a tub we can use from where ever we are. It’s also big enough so there’s lots of room to mix up the tickets.

And of course, me being me I forgot to take a picture of it and it’s downstairs and I’m upstairs. because my pain hasn’t been that great recently I’m trying to avoid using stairs as much as I can. When the pains playing up using stairs can make it a lot worse.

I did start writing this post on Friday last week then got distracted by other things like shopping trips to get ready for next weekend, having time stressing about things next weekend I got mixed up with the dates and thought it was happening a week or so later. Then because of the confusion I thought i booked the wrong weekend and told mum the wrong dates and then she booked the hotel for the ring times and date. I really do hate my stress headedness at times and again that stressheadedness links back to the things I mentioned at the start of the post.

And with that I’ll leave it there.

Love and Light

For some reason I’m really struggling at the moment to find motivation to do anything, like write something for here, do my healing work, start cutting out the fabric for my quilt.

My motivation seems to have got up and gone.

In the last post I talked about the tangle quilt and how I wasn’t sure about the blocks. So, while I was colouring one of the blocks I didn’t like the way it looked and thought it looked pants. Because of that, I went to cut out another piece of fabric so I could redo the block but well and truly ballsed it up. So because of that mistake I didn’t have any more fabric the right size so I had to have a complete change. I started off working in green.

Because of the mess up and the change I ended up using this fabric.

I’ve now finished colouring the blocks but before I show you the finished block I’ll show you the one that cause the trouble. It was this block that caused the change:

I just didn’t like the way it looked. This is a picture of the replacement block:

As you can see that looks a millimetre times better and even more so as it’s been coloured. That is just one of the blocks. Here’s a little gallery of the rest of them:

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I think you might agree that on the lighter fabric the blocks look a million times better.

The writing under the lotus flower is

Om mani padme hum

Oṃ maṇi padme hūṃ is the six-syllabled Sanskrit mantra particularly associated with the four-armed Shadakshari form of Avalokiteshvara, the bodhisattva of compassion. Wikipedia

It basically translates as hail the jewel in the lotus and it’s all about compassion and if there was more of that it wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Now I just need to decide which other fabrics to use for the other bits of the quilt.

There are a couple to choose from. And when I’ve made that decision I need to grow some backbone and start the cutting process. As you might have guessed from earlier cutting out is where I have been known to have issues.

Also I have some sad news to report. It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have to tell you that unfortunately my little iron died. It had a happy but tough short life working for some very long days at times but it passed away peacefully last Thursday. The position wasn’t vacant very long and and was filled on Friday afternoon by Tony. So please let me introduce you to Tony

So because of the restart of the blocks that has been taking up most of the time. But, I’ve made a couple of cards and of course done some tiles. So these are the cards I’ve done in the last few weeks:

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Here are pictures of the tiles I’ve done recently too:

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Because my brain isn’t working brilliantly at the moment I’ll leave it there,

Love and light