So today I’ve decided to update the site a bit and connect it to Instagram and Facebook. I’ve no idea if it will work so this post is a bit of a test really to see what happens.

Over the next few days I’ll be doing a few more posts in the crystal section. Ive added a bit more info there, I’ve mentioned an amazing place to get crystals from and a form where you can suggest a crystal that needs a write up. I’ve no plans to make anymore major changes to the site though. I have got some crochet I need to get on with, so I may do some of that at some point.

I know I have to start with the knitting of over gloves and cloths though. I’ve had the cotton for them a couple of weeks now. My wool coffin is getting full so I could do with doing some knitting to get it down. I’m also working on a new pouch for some of my cards so I’ve got that to do too. The old bag they were in is an organza with fine stitching and it’s fallen apart. It has lasted a good couple of years though. So, it hasn’t done badly.

Lunar Rose Quartz or Lunar Rose for short is a very powerful crystal for the heart. It has all the qualities of Rose Quartz but these are amplified, even more so under the light of the moon.

It is a very loving and calming stone that helps to promote self love, self acceptance and self realisation.

It will help bring about compassion in the user or when used in a situation. This stone will bring compassion and love to situations where these thing wouldn’t normally be seen. Due to the qualities of this stone it is an excellent stone to help in resolving all forms of conflict and can help find and achieve a level ground or starting point upon which a fruitful engagement can begin.

At the pain clinic. I was there on Monday working with the pain physio. I explained that since doing the exercises he suggest my pain has increased. I said I was working through it and pushing myself as I’m sure someone said that I’d have to go through it before I got the benefits from it. It was a simple exercise of just standing up and sitting down. He said right if it’s causing you so much pain and you’re reaching for tramadol (which I was) a lot more than normal then we need to scale back that exercise and go for something different.

So the new exercise is simply sitting down and raising my leg. But I have one of those resistance band round my leg so I’m pulling against that too.

Seems simple and is supposed to be less painful. When o did it during the session there was no pain during it. As we were leaving the pain started again. I’ll keep it up and hopefully things will get easier and less painful.

I had a strange day yesterday. It was a mixed bag, there were ups and downs. Pain, sorry and joy, there were even times where people were shot down and that was great to see.

So the day didn’t start off early. Well days don’t for me. I am not a morning person. At all.

I got up and got moving. I checked Facebook. The normal things for me really. On Facebook I saw a post from a tattoo and piercing shop saying they had some new crystal piercing jewellery. I’ve wanted some crystal jewellery for my tragus for ages. There were a couple of other bits I wanted from Bury too. A note book, some pens, a hair colour and some bobbles. Not much really.

So I went into Bury with my mum, she had an appointment to get her hearing aids fixed. We got there early to avoid the madness of school traffic that happens near home at pick up time. So we pottered about abit getting the bits I wanted and a couple of things she wanted to. Then came the time for her appointment and we took different paths. I said I was going to the tattoo shop to have a look and see what they had.

At the shop I saw the tragus jewellery I wanted and asked if the would fit it for me. I also asked about suggestions for other piercings (I think I’m addicted). The guy suggested a conch piercing and some jewellery to go with it. I thought “that sounds interesting”. So I got the tragus bits done and my mum was sat in the front of the shop waiting for me. O had my flower of life tattoo done there and the girl that did it remembered me and the work she’d done and asked to get a picture of it. So she did that and then me and mum went on our way.

I got as far as 20 yards from the shop and then I decided I wanted to get the piercings done the guy suggested. So off to the cash machine we went to get some money. It’s a cash only shop. The back we went. When we got back the piercing guy was stood outside having a smoke. So I waited a little while too and had a smoke with him. Well it was a vape not a smoke.

So I got my conches pierced. That was a strange experience. And partly it hurt like hell. That was only for a few second though then it didn’t hurt at all. That felt a bit strange. It didn’t even hurt when the jewellery went in. I think he said he used a blade rather than a cannula. I just though ok. He didn’t use any numbing spray or anything. The worst part about it was when the blade/needle thing went through. That’s what hurt but only for a couple of seconds. But if you’re interested here is a picture of my new hole and new jewellery:

It’s moonstone. I think it looks quite cool.

I got it done and my flower of life tattoo at Bravest Kids tattoo and piercing shop. Here is a pic of my tattoo if you haven’t already seen it.

Here is a link to the shop, the people are really friendly and there are some great artists:

http://www.bravestkidstattoo.com

Go have look.

One massive bonus and score for me today was that I went somewhere on my own. That is something that I have t done in a long time. Buts it’s probably why things affected me so much. I even did it in y wheelchair. Again another score. I had forgotten though how hilly and bumpy Bury is. It was nackering pushing myself round but

I did it!

While getting my conches pierced one of my new crystals fell out of my pocket and smashed on the floor. I was sad about that and it got me a bit worked up. On the way back to the car my mum wash pushing me and I could hear her huffing and puffing behind me so we had to stop so she could rest.

This was something else that wound me up a bit as I then started to worry about her and wanted to make sure she was ok. I love my mum and don’t want anything to happen to her.

We got home had tea and then we had to go out again. We had a team meeting formally a committee meeting with the MS people. I wasn’t expecting this to go too well as I had to report an issues earlier in the day to head office. But that’s didn’t go as badly as I expected. The other thing that happened during the meeting was someone was shot down, I’ve been waiting for so long for that to happen. I’m glad it happened though because this person was getting on my nerves and I could feel it boiling up and I know at some point I would snap and if that happened it wouldn’t be nice for anyone. But them being put in their place made me feel better.

Then my old friend decided it felt lonely and came out to play. Here I’m talking about pain. It started up again. I went through my bag looking for my painkillers but I’d done the extremely clever thing and left them at home. So I just grinned and beard it then had some when I got back. It didn’t help that I had my normal pains and the new piercings were a bit painful too. But I’ve been blasting them with Reiki, Karuna and other healing energies which has helped.

I did my exercises this morning. To feel the burn and the start of pain in my legs after only 7 leg raises is something. Hope the pain doesn’t stay long though. But I should be able to do more as time goes on.

Anyway I hope you are all good.

Love and light.

I’m feeling like crap at the moment. There are so many things that just aren’t helping me.

I’ve been in agony for a while now. The other day was a tramadol day. The pain was that bad I needed something to help. It doesn’t do much but helps a little. I’ve even had to have some more today. This constant pain thing is a right pain in the arse (not literally, that’s one of the only places that doesn’t hurt).

I got a letter the other day from the benefit people. That scared me shitless. The letter had the wrong amount on it. My mum had to explain that it was wrong. I still didn’t believe her and I made her ring up to check. I hate being completely confused by stuff like that. I have to get someone to explain it to me. And when there is a small mistake like that it sends me off in all of a dither and makes me panic something chronic.

There have been other things that have set me off recently too. The news has been a big one. That Begum girl or whatever/whoever she is. I seem to be seeing so much stuff on Facebook about her it’s annoying. My feeling is that she should be brought back, her child taken away and put in care and she should go on trial for treason, sedition and terrorism. I know loads of people don’t want her back in the country and that’s fine it’s their opinion. Everyone is entitled to have one.

The other thing on the news was something about benefits. I know it probably won’t affect me but things like that make me panic. Partly because I don’t understand it and partly because it’s them I’m living off at the moment. It adds stress and confusion and makes me feel worse.

Eating. Why does eating have to be painful I like spicy food but recently it has been painful to eat. It makes my mouth extremely sore. We had Fajitas for tea tonight. They tasted amazing but yet were painful to eat I think this is down to the spices. It’s the o my thing I can think of.

I’ve also had a general feeling of nausea. No idea where that has come from. No sure if it’s being hungry, being full or if it’s being caused by something else entirely. I just don’t know and again. This adds to the feelings, stress and pain. It’s a viscous circle that I’m stuck in. Because of feeling rough I didn’t eat tea the other day.

One good thing that has happened this week though is that I went to a gong bath on Wednesday evening. It was amazing. And for the first time I’m a long time I actually felt good. I was buzzing and had a really nice feeling. I just wish that feeling stayed and was still here. If you e never been to a gong bath basically you lie on the floor or mat/air bed or something else to be comfortable. You relax and close your eyes and people play gongs. It sounds weird and it is a bit but it’s so relaxing and healing. You can take yourself through a meditation or you can just go wherever it takes you.

The people that do it are really nice as well. They are called Ondray and Graham. If you are interested here is a link to their site. They offer some amazing therapies:

http://www.ondray.co.uk

I’ve been to a couple of their gong baths before and I’ve always had a great time.

Anyway let’s leave it there on a positive note.

Love and light

Why does it hurt so much.

Pain in my legs

Pain in my arms

Pain in my back

Pain throughout my body

Why do I have to go through it? Why do I have to live with it? Why oh why oh why.

It gets me down. It makes me tired.

It’s hard to deal with day in day out.

It’s there all the time and nothing seems to help.

Deep breaths don’t help, nothing takes the edge off.

Drugs don’t work, meditation doesn’t help, distraction doesn’t work all the time.

I just don’t know what to do.

I would love to go sometime without it. It’s becoming an old friend I just can’t seem to get rid of. It’s one I’d love to show the door. It doesn’t look like it will happen anytime soon though.

To say the pain is in my head makes it hard to explain. But that’s where it is. The damage that’s causing the pain is in my head. Well in my brain, in particular the nerves. That’s what is damaged and causing the pain that’s everywhere.

Normally you don’t want to go without anything but this is something I’d love to go without. Just to get rid. Even for a short time I’d love that but I don’t know how. It’s hard to deal with. It’s there all the time, sometimes it’s easy to dea with and sometimes it’s not. Dealing with chronic pain that’s there all the time is not the easiest of things. I’m not the only one that’s fighting and invisible battle. There are many people all over the world that are fighting right along with me. All our battles are slightly different but going to war everyday takes its toll.

There are others that fight battles, maybe with mental health issues like depression or anxiety. Some battles can be seen and some can’t. I think the moral of this is that you have no idea what other people are going through so be nice and give everyone support and compassion. Just to do that would make people’s suffering less and maybe it will help them out of the dark place of pain, depression or anxiety.

All the love and compassion and light to everyone.

Wow what a weekend I’ve had. I didn’t really do much on Friday. Just the normal stuff really. Got up, went to knitting club, came home had tea and went to bed. So nothing really exciting for that day.

Saturday on the other hand was a bit more entertaining. Did the usual stuff during the day. Then went to development group on Saturday evening. That’s were things started to get interesting. During the session I had to give someone a reading. That went really well and was accurate. After that session was the service. I ended up being a medium for the night and I was in the platform. The service went really well.

I was a bit nervous to start off with. But, I managed to hold it together and do what needed to be done. I have found though that Woking with spirit tends to help me a lot. It calms me down and helps me along the way. They didn’t help with the pain in my legs though, but oh well. I got some really nice feedback from people afterwards though and that helped boost me up a bit.

I’m nervous as hell though about tomorrow. I have a session with a pain physiotherapist. I’m not really looking forward to it as I think and partly know deep down that it is gonna cause me pain.

Fear is a mighty motivator for my anxiety. It makes me worry and panic. I hate it. All I hope though is that it’s not too bad tomorrow.

Love and light everyone.

Well I have no idea why but I wrote a poem. Please have a read and don’t be to harsh with me. Anyway here goes. The poem is called Depression. And by the way I’m not depressed at the moment well not too badly anyway:

Depression

The pain I feel deep down inside must never be mentioned and must hide. To talk about it is seen as wrong and that is wrong within itself.

You must not talk or speak it’s name for fear it would bring you shame. Shame must not be felt and strength from others will bring you help.

The darkness and stigma must be broken before the light can shine bright. The pain inside feels like all that is, it’s hard to fight and find the light. It’s in there somewhere dim and shadowed find it we must to disperse the pain.

Help from others is all around even though you feel like it can’t be found. Take that step and speak a word. Someone’s out there and you can be heard. They’ll lend a hand and give you strength. They’ll help you through and out of the pit.

The more you speak will make the stigma fall and fall it must before we can move on. Lend a hand and help those in need. Just by being there is an amazing deed. Deep down in darkness and through the void the light from others can help you find the path.

It may be long or it may be short but that path is there for us to tread. Follow it with pride and hold you head high, leave the void behind and no longer hide. Shine bright star light and help others along. Banish the darkness and end the stigma and please oh please remember it’s not a wall that can be stepped over it’s something we get lost it and YOU!!!! make us hide.

If we knew the way out there would be no issue don’t just stand there and handout a tissue. We need help and we need strength. Hand that out instead and don’t be dense. Be a nice person that’s all we ask. Bring in the light and get out of the past.

With love and compassion scars will be healed. We just need that bit more. Be nice an and not emotional whore. To learn how we feel you need but ask. To find the way out is what we need and not to be told we’re bringing you down. If that’s how you feel you really should go. You’re probably the reason we’re here in the first place. We banish you now from our lives begone you fiend and take the shit you brought with you.

We don’t need that and we don’t need you bye bye now dear and above all fuck you!

This stone has an amazing appearance. One of the first things you will think when you hear the name is that Doris Day Song, Que Sera Sera. That’s what it does it helps you accept what is. It also looks like it’s full of galaxies it helps with astral projection, so you can travel to the stars. It will help you communicate with beings on a higher but grounded spiritual level.

This stone is connected with the 3rd eye and throat chakra, it will help energise and awaken them. It will help improve visualisation abilities. And can be used to treat the eyes both physically and spiritually. It has a very high vibration so can work throughout your energy field, in the aura and on the body. The crystal will help bring the energy through all the layers of your being and anchor it where it’s needed. It will aid in accepting things fully on all levels not just the face.