I’m feeling like crap at the moment. There are so many things that just aren’t helping me.
I’ve been in agony for a while now. The other day was a tramadol day. The pain was that bad I needed something to help. It doesn’t do much but helps a little. I’ve even had to have some more today. This constant pain thing is a right pain in the arse (not literally, that’s one of the only places that doesn’t hurt).
I got a letter the other day from the benefit people. That scared me shitless. The letter had the wrong amount on it. My mum had to explain that it was wrong. I still didn’t believe her and I made her ring up to check. I hate being completely confused by stuff like that. I have to get someone to explain it to me. And when there is a small mistake like that it sends me off in all of a dither and makes me panic something chronic.
There have been other things that have set me off recently too. The news has been a big one. That Begum girl or whatever/whoever she is. I seem to be seeing so much stuff on Facebook about her it’s annoying. My feeling is that she should be brought back, her child taken away and put in care and she should go on trial for treason, sedition and terrorism. I know loads of people don’t want her back in the country and that’s fine it’s their opinion. Everyone is entitled to have one.
The other thing on the news was something about benefits. I know it probably won’t affect me but things like that make me panic. Partly because I don’t understand it and partly because it’s them I’m living off at the moment. It adds stress and confusion and makes me feel worse.
Eating. Why does eating have to be painful I like spicy food but recently it has been painful to eat. It makes my mouth extremely sore. We had Fajitas for tea tonight. They tasted amazing but yet were painful to eat I think this is down to the spices. It’s the o my thing I can think of.
I’ve also had a general feeling of nausea. No idea where that has come from. No sure if it’s being hungry, being full or if it’s being caused by something else entirely. I just don’t know and again. This adds to the feelings, stress and pain. It’s a viscous circle that I’m stuck in. Because of feeling rough I didn’t eat tea the other day.
One good thing that has happened this week though is that I went to a gong bath on Wednesday evening. It was amazing. And for the first time I’m a long time I actually felt good. I was buzzing and had a really nice feeling. I just wish that feeling stayed and was still here. If you e never been to a gong bath basically you lie on the floor or mat/air bed or something else to be comfortable. You relax and close your eyes and people play gongs. It sounds weird and it is a bit but it’s so relaxing and healing. You can take yourself through a meditation or you can just go wherever it takes you.
The people that do it are really nice as well. They are called Ondray and Graham. If you are interested here is a link to their site. They offer some amazing therapies:
I’ve been to a couple of their gong baths before and I’ve always had a great time.
Anyway let’s leave it there on a positive note.
Love and light