Category: My weird, wonderful, insane, ranting, raving, articulating claptrap

Why is there so much hate in the world?

I just don’t understand why and how anyone can call for the eradication of a group of people.

There are places in America where they are making it illegal for some people to exist. I have no idea how they can justify writing laws to obliterate someone’s existence. I’m talking about trans people. The worrying thing is that they think they are doing it for the right reasons and to protect people and children from harm. They don’t seem to understand that by removing gender affirming care they are doing immense amounts of harm to trans people.

Gender affirming care has a proven and documented benefit to the people that have received it. The benefits have been seen and documented by medical associations all around the world and despite this evidence this group of people decide to go against it all and tell trans people and medical associations that they are wrong.

It’s just getting scary out in the world for anyone that doesn’t fit into a certain box. The way things are heading in America at the moment is the direction, a man with a tiny moustache, took Germany, in the 1930s. There are states banning books, one has recently banned drag shows. From what I’ve heard, there is one state that wants to let people be sued for calling out someone else’s bigotry or racism. It won’t be long before laws are written to criminalise other members of the LGBTQIA+ community.

I know that’s happening in America but the hate is starting to brew and bubble here and rear its ugly head. I’d like to think and I hope that it would never happen here but it’s happening is different places around the world so it’s not a great leap to think someone will try to do it here. So please if you hear or see someone being hateful, bigoted or racist call them out on it.

I’ve been a worried while I was typing that and saying those things that I may lose some friends. But if I lose the ones that think in this nasty way then I’m probably better off without them.

I was going to carry on with the normal update but I don’t fee it will be right to do that. I’ll do it tomorrow or something.

So please be kind

Love and light

Do you ever run through arguments, debates or discussions in your mind?

If it’s one that happened in the past I tend to do the what if thing. I should’ve said this,or I should’ve done that.

But I have a habit of running through arguments that haven’t happened yet or may never happen. It’s like I’m preparing responses and things to come back with if someone says something in particular. While I’m running through the arguments though I find myself getting more and more worked up.

So I’m there getting more and more annoyed thinking of responses to use in arguments that might never happen. It’s annoying and tiring and cans lead to mental exhaustion, brain farts and brain fog.

The thing is it’s not like I go looking to join these arguments/discussions. In my head I’m just getting ready if one of these conversations happens around me.

There’s probably a lot more I want to say about that but it isn’t coming out of my head at the moment so I’ll have to leave that there.

Last week I had an awful night at church which really knocked my confidence and made me want to question everything. The medium that was booked for the night cancelled at 6:55 pm when the service was due to start at 7:30. So not much notice to sort out someone else. Dawn messaged Tracy to get her to come down and take the service but she wouldn’t be there for half past. So I said I’ll start things off and she can come and take over or we can work it together or that we’d figure it out when she gets there. So the service started just like any other with a hymn and an opening prayer. The opening prayer didn’t work that well because there was one or two places I started tripping up over my words but I got through it. Did the healing book and that bit then it came time for the demonstration.

Up I get to start working and giving the first message. I did a bit of talk saying it was my first Tuesday service doing the medium thing and stuff like that.

I picked up someone coming through and started giving the information and the person I felt the message was for just kept giving me blank looks. While I was talking Tracy arrived so I carried on but still kept getting blank stares. While I was giving the message and getting the blank looks I heard someone say something that was pretty uncalled for basically they said that I was crap. A massive knock to the confidence just hearing that comment but closed off that message and handed over to Tracy to carry on. I sat down in my little corner feeling crap. I normally have a pad of post it’s where I sit and just wrote down “never again”.

Occasionally through the service Tracy asked if I had anything or if I was getting anything but because of the knock and feeling crap I just said “no”. There was probably someone about in spirit that wanted to put something across but at the time all my focus was on staying where I was, not running out of the room and not having a complete and utter breakdown. So while that was going on I wasn’t really focused on what spirit around me where up to.

While I was sat there trying to hold it together I started getting lost in tangling on the post it’s. It helped me escape all the shit that was running g round my head. So thanks to that I held it together during the service. Everyone buggered off and that left Tracy and Dawn talking to me. That’s where the breakdown happened. They both said some really nice things and they said they knew I could do it but because it was sprung on me at the last minute I wasn’t ready and properly prepared.

Thinking about it they were right. I wasn’t prepared or ready for the service. A good way to think about it is it was like trying to stream a film on the old dial up system. You know the one where it would have taken about 3 or more days just to download 1 song.

But the things they said made me feel loads better. But my confidence was still battered and bruised and had 10 tones of shit kicked out of it. That really showed when I was working on something the next day when I was questioning everything and found it insanely hard to make any decisions. Should I use this colour, or that pen? Does this shape look right? Should I stop this and start again? It was hard and made me feel even worse when I kept having to ask people question about things. Because I kept needing confirmation on my choices or my ideas I felt bad, but then I felt bad having to pester people for their thoughts. Which then made me worried that people would think I’m annoying and not want to talk to me anymore. One of those shit vortex things where 1 thought leads to another then onto another which then make you question the first one which brings up more questions and uncertainty. You could say it’s heading down the rabbit hole to a world where everything and everyone is completely fucked up.

But getting that off my chest has made me feel a million times better but I’m still rebuilding my confidence. But now I’ve said that I’m a bit worried that people will think less of me for feeling the way I do. But as I’m determined to be open and honest on here I’ll leave it there and let whatever happens happen.

That was the biggest thing that happened to me over the past few weeks.

Tangle time. These are the tile I’ve done over the past couple of weeks:

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Back in January the tile swap started up again and the tile I received is pretty cool:

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The tile came from Susan Moran. It came in the little white card. That was cute and the tile is even cuter. The monkey looks really cheeky and it’s just fun and brings a smile to your face when you see it. and I haven’t seen who got my tile but may have missed it but here is a picture of the tile O sent in:

And of course there was a letter that had to go with it and here’s a copy so you can read it for yourself:

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve also been having a play with some shrink plastic. A couple of weeks ago I say a comment on Facebook of someone asking if you could tangle on it. So to test the idea yes you can. Here is a picture of a tile on string plastic. The pictures show before and after shrinking:

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Also while playing I made a sort of bookmark to use in my diary to mark which page I’m on at the moment.:

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The pictures should give you an idea of how it works and you can also see that it’s been tangled on too.

I’ve also been doing the odd bit tangling on a note pad and random times too:

So I’ve been working on the tangled quilt and I’ve done 5 blocks so far. We’ve been using Sandra’s Mini Stencil sets.:

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The lotus isn’t included in the minis set it’s a separate stencil. I decided to to go with something else as the stencil being used for block 4 was a cross. As I’m not Christian I didn’t want to include a cross on my quilt. The lotus is a redo or a second attempt at block 4.

This was what I came up with on my first go:

It wasn’t too bad. Not brilliant but looked ok. It was the first block where I decided to add colour. That is where things went a little wrong and it ended up messed up. Well in my opinion anyway. This is what it looked like with some colour:

The colours hid the lines of the drawing so I needed to go over the lines again and you still can’t see them properly on the blue and green. So that piece was put to one side and the lotus took its place.

I’ve made 2 cards since the last post and here are some pictures of them

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I’ve also been working on another card but I’m not quite sure the way the parchment bit of it has come out.

What do you think?

I did the background for something else but thought it would work well with the parchment.

Knitting wise I’m still working on my jumper. But I have been thinking about having a bit of a break from it and doing a unicorn toy for Lucy. The thing is I did say to myself that I wouldn’t do anything else until I’d finished my hoodie. Im still working on the back and have a bit Togo until the shaping starts. I do think though that I’ll only need to do 1 more pattern repeat before the shaping. I have been trying to do some work on it at home. Here is a picture of where I’m up to with it

I did come upstairs this evening to work on it but as I’ve been writing this on and off all day I thought I’d better get this finished first before that. I’m still tempted to buy the wool for the unicorn though. We’ll see what happens.

Ok, I’ll call it a day there. I’m off to plan out some more arguments and discussions and maybe do a bit of knitting.

Love and light.

Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?

When you’re a kid you can go anywhere, talk to anyone and start a friendship. As you get older there are more and more barriers that get in the way.

If you go up to a group of adults to join the conversation you just look creepy. If you manage to get into the conversation it’s more than likely that everyone else is thinking ‘who is this?’.

As an adult you normally need to be introduced to a group of people or be brought into the conversation. When and if you get into a conversation it feel like everyone else that’s there is judging you on what you say and how you say it.

It’s that make a good first impression thing. You have to pay attention to everything and I mean everything. What you say, how you say it, what you’re wearing, how you’re standing or sitting. If you’re having a meal what you’re eating and what you’re drinking what phone you’re using. All these things and lots more are involved in that first impression.

As a kid you have it easy. You can walk up to anyone and no matter what they’re doing or talking about and get involved, join the conversation and there you have the foundations of a relationship.

I’m not sure if it’s a case where kids just don’t care and are easily influenced or if adults are just too picky and awkward.

On TikTok you can watch peoples videos where they are ranting and raving or join a live that someone is doing. They could be doing an activity like knitting or crocheting, having a debate about something like LGBTQIA+ 🏳️‍🌈 or talking about something the government have or haven’t done. There are loads of psychics, mediums or tarot readers, there’s hundreds of them. They are everywhere. I’ve watched a couple of them doing their lives and got the tingles to say they are actually working with spirit and not just trying to make money out of poor unfortunate people.

After commenting positive things on theirs lives and saying things like I I’ve had a few messages from them trying to get me to have a reading. Basically they wanted money off me. One person said they wanted to learn about my ancestors and work with me to develop a relationship with my ancestors to learn from them. That person messaged me late one night, they were from America so they messaged me in the evening for them but it was late at night here. They kept saying how they wanted to work with me and talking about all sorts of positive things. Eventually the topic of payment came up after a fair bit of pushing from me. ( I had no intention in the slightest of taking her up on the offer). She kept saying she was drawn to me and guided to work with me and all sorts of things like that. All that was running through my head was if you are that guided and drawn to me fine we can have a conversation and maybe do something together but I am not paying anything. So after pushing and pushing and pushing she said that it would cost me $80. Like I said, I had no intonation of paying for anything I just said sorry I can’t afford it. For the next few days she messaged me a few times asking if I was ready for a reading. With this messages I just ignored them and let the person float off into the sea of fakes and frauds on TikTok.

Another person claiming to be a medium messaged me after I commented on one of there videos. This is the message I got:

I didn’t reply to that message. And I’m not really sure what to say about it. It’s down right wrong and manipulative. If I didn’t know anything about the world of spirit and energy, getting a message like that would freak me out and probably put me into a panic. I would probably be wanting to do anything I possibly could to get rid of the negativity and clean up my energy. This person (I won’t say psychic or medium) is just out to scam money from people. I can say safely that there isn’t much if any work being done with spirit. I trust that spirit will deal with him accordingly. I don’t need to know how or what they’ll do. I have some ideas of what they’ll do but I know and trust that what ever they do will be the best thing that needs to happen.

I talked about those things as it is sort of an attempt to make a connection to people online. The online world is huge. You can pretty much go anywhere, do anything and even be anything. I may have commented about something they said on their videos. I probably agreed with whatever they were taking about. I think they were having a conversation about running development groups or something like that.

Normally I feel that generally having something in common with someone is a good way to start things off. You normally have something to talk about with the other person. Take the Sanntangle world, there are thousands of people in that community and I’d be more than happy to talk to any of them. There would be some initial nerves but that’s just the way my head and body works now. I’m generally nervous talking to or meeting anyone for the first time. And it’s just the same messaging or talking to anyone online for the first time.

When leaving a comment on someone’s video or picture or someone’s content I feel like I over analyse everything. It normally takes a couple of attempts to type the message or comment. It’s not because of technical issues. It’s because I’m constantly thinking how it will come across, if someone reading it will find it offensive, if it might upset the creator (of the content, not god), if the point I’m trying to make is clear, make sure that it can’t be taken in the wrong way. The character limit comes in to it somewhere too.

So I normally write it, delete it. Write it again then delete it. Stop and think about it. Write it a 3rd time then hit the character limit. Delete it again then do a it more thinking. Then write it yet again and read through it a good few times and when I think I’m happy with it hit the submit or send button. Then once it’s posted, I read it again and see the spelling and grammatical mistakes I’ve made. But sometimes I struggle to see the mistakes because I still read it the way I wanted to type it and not the actual way I’ve written it. Then if I can I’ll go into edit the comment and fix the mistakes.

When I’ve eventually submitted the comment or message I constantly have a worry in the back of my mind of how the message or comment will come across and hope that the person doesn’t think I’m being creepy. I don’t know if what I wrote comes across in that way and it probably doesn’t but it still doesn’t stop me worrying about it.

So yeah after all that rambling waffle I’m just saying that I find it hard to make new friends.

So no onto what’s been going on for the last few weeks. Yes I know it’s been about 12 weeks since the last post and I’m sorry about that. I feel like I need to justify that and give a reason but being honest I don’t have one. I kept saying to myself that I need to do a post, then think I’ll do it later or tomorrow. Then when the time comes I get distracted or find something else to do and later gets pushed further and further away.

As always there have been the usual crafty things, knitting, tangling, card making, parchment work etc. So tiles

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They are the tiles I’ve done over the last few weeks. I also did a larger piece or a larger version of one of the tiles from a few weeks ago.

I did it after coming up against a difficult situation. I think I talked about that situation last time. but that is the piece I did.

Sticking with tangling I started the artwork for the Sanntangle Quilt. I’ve done 2 blocks so far it’s just the artwork at the moment, I haven’t done any sewing yet. Here are the blocks I’ve done

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Knitting wise I’m still working on my hoodie, I’m not getting very far with it. One evening I had every intention of doing a couple of rows. I took my knitting bag upstairs found a film on Netflix to watch got my knitting out all ready to go. I started the row and got about 3/4 of the way across and the next thing I know the film was finishing and I was no further across the row. I fell asleep, I kept hold of my knitting though and didn’t drop any stitches. I finished the row and had to put my knitting away. Every time since then when I’ve tried to do some knitting I’ve felt my eyes trying to close so had to put it away. So year it’s coming along just very very slowly.

There are other projects that I keep thinking of doing and starting but I’m focusing on finishing my hoodie first before I start anything else.

So last time I talked about working on a parchment piece. I got it finished and I think for a first real attempt at parchment work it doesn’t look too bad.

I’ve the last week or so I dug out my felting mats and needles a to work on a rainbow wall hanging for Lucy.

The red is honestly red wool. It’s not stained with blood from needle stab wounds. I only stabbed my fingers a couple of time. I did break on bend quite a few needles though.

I came up with the idea myself. I think it looks good, what do you think? Let me know.

I’ve also decorated a fairy door for Lucy that she can have in her room.

Something else that has happened over the past few weeks was I went to the second session of the neuro rehabilitation patient carer group. Im finding that a pattern is starting to form with these sessions. One the first one I ended up with blisters on my hands and this time I broke my thumb nail. It was one of those painful breaks where it goes down to the bit where the nail is attached to the top of your your thumb.

You can just see it on that picture. Let just say that it hurt a bit an a couple of swear words cam out of my mouth. I’m starting to wonder if there is going to be a trend of injuring my hands on my wheel chair at these meetings. I hope not but so far I’ve injured my hands at each of them.

On one of the weekends we took a trip to a magical place where dream come true. Well not quite, its still an amazing place though. We went to the Haribo shop at Cheshire oaks. It was a promise and part of a Christmas present from mum and dad. So of course as only to be expected I bought some sweets. I’m not sure if you know anything about Cheshire oaks but basically it’s a huge shopping centre with lots and lots and lots of shops. While we were there I did get myself some new boots. I’ve wanted some new boots for ages and I found a pair that I liked look of. Here are my new boots

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After all that insanity it’s time to bring things to a close.

Stay safe, be kind and above all Love and Light

At the moment I’m feeling rubbish. I’m feeling down, the dizziness hasn’t helped and the pains not been great either. It’s just making me feel crap.

The show must go on. And that’s making me think about the masks people wear. I’m not talking about the full masquerade scene from phantom of the opera. I’m talking about the masks where everyone tries hard to put on the best possible show. And do everything conceivable to stop other people seeing behind the curtain and looking at what’s really happening.

How many times have you been asked ‘how are you?’ It’s a really common question that people are asked a lot.

Then think about how many times you’ve lied and said ‘I’m alright thanks’ then gone to ask them the same. The question is so common and most of the time generates a lie from the person being asked.

You could be having the day from hell where the cat might have stolen the car. You stubbed your toe getting up this morning. Your 3 year old burnt the toast for breakfast and you’ve been told to unalive yourself by some nut job on the internet. Someone would ask “how are you?” And you would still probably say “I’m fine”.

I’m Fine, it’s that sticking plaster that’s keeping that mask from falling off. People do everything humanly possible to keep that mask stuck firmly in place. Heaven forbid you let someone truly see what’s going on with you and how you’re truly feeling.

I think mainly though that a lot of people ask the “how are you?” not really wanting to know the answer. And that makes me think that people don’t really care any about other people anymore.

But it just sounds creepy say to someone “how are you? , “no” “really, how are you?”. There must be a better way of asking the question. Do you have any ideas?

And

Why is it a bad thing to let people see the real you and everything you’re feeling?

There are so many questions that go along with the bit about the real you, it’s your thoughts, feelings, illnesses, disabilities, if you fit somewhere into the LGBTQIA community.

Not sure why but that’s taken me the best part of 3 days to write. I’ve started them something has happened then I’ve been distracted. Started again then something else happens. It’s just been an ongoing thing again and against and again.

I’ve nearly had a melt down tonight too. Someone did something that wasn’t appropriate, in fact it was disgusting. They (no idea who it was) posted something in a Facebook group that I look after. I someone let me know and I got rid of it as soon as I could, removed the offensive post blocked and barred the user and also tweaked the rules for automatic blocking and barring in an attempt to make sure nothing like that happens again.

The fact that happened in the first place shocked me but with me being me it made me worry and panic. I wrote a post apologising to everyone in the group and letting g them know how to report things like that if they see anything again. But I feel like I failed, I dropped the ball, something inappropriate slipped through the net. I know I apologised but it doesn’t stop me feeling bad that something like that happened in the first place. So this evening I had to do something to distract myself a bit. I started redoing the tile from yesterday but on a bigger scale. I still feel bad just writing about it and it hits me deep inside.

I’m sorry, I don’t feel I can say that enough. I feel I’ve just let people I care about down and that in some way I failed.

There have been some lovely comments on my apology post though. That does make me feel a little better.

It’s at time like this I really do hate being the way I am and hate that this is the way my head no works.

Talking about the way my head works. I think I may have ADHD. Over the past few weeks I’ve seen different things about the symptoms of ADHD and someone of them have rung bells in my head to say I’m like that. So I went on a website about it and did a test that is on there. It asked questions about different things you do and the way you react to them. So I took the test and answered the questions honestly and the result said :

“the patient has symptoms highly consistent with ADHD in adults and further investigation is warranted”.

Only a clinician can diagnose ADHD.

So I could have it and think that it is a possibility. So Monday morning I will start the ball rolling to get that looked into. I know only professionals can diagnose it and that the waiting list is huge bug I think it does explain a hell of a lot about the different things about me and they way I am.

So onto crafty things there has been a fair bit recently I’ve made cards, tangles, finished crocheting the shawl for mum. I may as well start there. Here is a picture of the shawl I made for mum. It was only a week late but I got there in the end.

Looking at it that picture makes the shawl look very eagle like.it’s just missing the head.

I’ve made a couple of cards for people too. 1 for a friend and the other one for the foster kid that’s with us to give out. here they are:

As usual here has been the tangling and here are the tiles:

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I’ve also don’t some more samples for Sandra for book 10 which launched today. These are the samples I did for Sandra:

You might see that one of those has parchment work on it. I’ve been doing quite a bit with parchment recently.

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They are just me playing around and figuring things out. I’ve also found parchment instruction videos on YouTube and I’ve been following along trying to improve my parchment work. If I get it finished I’ll share a picture of the piece I’ve been working on.

But sticking with Tangling I’ve been working on my diary. this is the cover:

And this is one of the pages

I’ll work on the other pages like that as I go along.

As it’s taken so long to get this far I think I’ll leave it there for this post.

Love and light.

So there is quite a bit to talk about in this post. That’s down to the point that after my rant, I was completely shocked and stumped when I found out that Carol had passed away. For a while I didn’t know what to say or what to do.

I know we hadn’t spoken for a while but she was a great friend. We went to lots of different places together and loads of events. She introduced me to lots of different people and some of them went on to become close friends. She did the door at my class and kept me organised and everything running smoothly.

Carol’s funeral was in 23 December. If you know me because of the messed up emotions, inability to deal with stressful situations, anxiety and depression I can’t deal with funerals. I end up a blubbering wreck that isn’t fit for anything. That then leads on to the anxiety about what other people think of the state I’m in. It’s a Vicious circle thing that goes on and on.

When I found out about Carol’s passing I just remembered the fun and the good times we had. I thought I felt her energy round me but I wasn’t sure if I did or if I just imagined it because I was thinking about her. So I had a chat with some medium friends who confirmed everything for me. They said that what I was feeling was true. Carol understood why I couldn’t go to her funeral and was telling me to stop worrying about it. You know being told to stop worrying about it doesn’t stop me worrying about it. I knew Carol understood what started to worry what other people would think about me not going. Because of that, I decided I need to message someone that I knew was going. So I messaged that person and almost felt like I needed to justify why I couldn’t go. I think it probably came across as me waffling incoherently trying to put my point across. I don’t know if that person I messaged understood me or not, but I tried my best to say what I felt I needed to say.

So because I was worried for other people would think I decided to write a letter to Carol and send it to her in my own personal way here is a picture of the letter I wrote

I’m not going to talk about how I sent the letter because that is something personal between me and Carol.

Also, the weekend after Carol‘s passing a great auntie had also passed away. Her funeral was on the same day. At pretty much the same time. Mum and dad went to that funeral which meat that I couldn’t go to Carol’s. I wanted to make a card for carols family but I didn’t know where to send it and because of the postal strikes it might not have made it to them. Here is one of the cards I made for family.

As per usual for me, I forgot to take a picture of one of the cards. I don’t like making condolence cards because of the sadness of the people involved. But, it gives me a chance to remember some of the good things about the people who have passed away.

Now to talk about everything else that happened in the last few weeks. I went to the first meeting of the Neuro Rehab patient carer group. That first meeting was Old Trafford (Man United’s football ground). The group organisers sorted out transport for me to get to and from the meeting. I just thought a taxi, as in a car would come and that my wheel chair would go in the boot. The transport arrived and it was a bus with a lift on the back. Because he turned up earlier than expected I was a bit flustered. So I get on the bus and while my chair was being loaded I realised I had left my pipe and phone inside. So a quick (as quick as I can be, and that isn’t very fast) dart back in to get the bits I’d forgotten. The invite for the meeting said it was in an accessible pitch side box, so because of that everyone thought it would literally be at the side of the pitch at ground level. It turned out the room. The meeting was in was about the furthest possible place away from the drop-off point. I am so glad I had my wheelchair with me because there isn’t a cat in hells chance that I would’ve made it on foot. So I got off the bus meet the person I was supposed to be meeting with then set off to find the room because I was in my chair and pushing myself around it ended up shredding my hands, so I got blisters all over the place.

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When we eventually found the place the meeting was, it was then like going through a labyrinth once we were inside to actually find the room itself. When we got to the room to start off with, they took us to the wrong room and then we go into the right room where other people are waiting. It was quite a grand view from the box we were in bought because of the damage to my hands that sounds really bad but because of the damage to my hands and the fun we had to get into the room. Just confirmed for me the reason I don’t like football.

The meeting went really well, and I didn’t really know what to expect or what we would be talking about and what we would be doing. But it just turned out that session was a get to know you session and talk about things like rules and things like that. Because the group was for people with neurological issues, it wasn’t just people with MS. There were people with all sorts of neurological conditions. some had issues walking, some had cognitive issues. There were even people there that work with the dementia society.

Because of some of the issues, people had the rules were put in place to allow people to speak, and fairly get their point across.

So the next meeting of that group is due to be sometime in January, so I’ll find out more as time goes on.

Other things that have been going on. Because it was the run-up to Christmas. There were a lot of Christmas cards that I had to make and here are some pictures of them.

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They’re probably more Christmas cards, but I will have forgotten to take pictures of them. I also made some tags as well

It’s also been Harvey’s birthday and Katie’s too so I needed to do cards for them. Here are the cards I did for Harvey. 1 from me, 1 from mum and dad and 1 from a dads auntie and uncle.

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It’s was Katie’s birthday too so needed to do a card from mum and dad and another from me. This is the card from mum and dad

And because I love my sister I needed to do a special card from me

And on the inside it said

Over the last month, there’s been quite a bit of tangling involved. Each day from the 1st to the 24th of December we did a mini tile which came together to form a larger piece.

Last year I put a boarder round it but this year I don’t feel it needs one.

On top of that, there were the normal tiles as well. Here are pictures of those and one of them was tiles 300.

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Sticking with tangling on Christmas Day, Sandra was on hobby maker. She was launching a new Stansel sat called choose your wings. You can probably guess from a name like that the set was about different types of wings. Our hearts and gems in the stencil set to. I did a larger piece and passed it on to Sandra. I didn’t think she would use it but she took it with her and used it as a sample on the show. Here is the picture I did:

We have a board in the kitchen that has information about what’s going on during the week.

As you can see there are bits of art work round it. All of them are bits I’ve done or bits I’ve coloured in. Mum wanted some new bits of art. So I pulled out the stamps and pencil crayons and got to work. This is the stamp I coloured in.

I also gave her the Angel piece and I pulled out an old piece of colouring I did.

So they will take pride of place around the board.

There are probably other things that have happened but I can’t remember them.

I’ll leave things there.

I hope you had a great Christmas and I wish you all the best for the new year.

Love and light.

There are a few things that have been playing on my mind recently.

Well, running through it.

Well, maybe, freely meandering. (Some would say that there isn’t much else going on in there)

The first is what the fuck is going on in the world? When did asking for love, acceptance and inclusion become a bad thing? There are people in the world that seem to think that all people being treated fairly and equally somehow means that they are being oppressed. That their outdated, pre historic views and opinions (that need to and should change) are being ignored. Their views are generally that they are more important than everyone else and other people don’t matter because they are different and that difference is somehow evil, wrong and should be ignored and silenced at all costs.

There have been armed protests by far right activists, Christians and N%£is against LGBTQIA+ events. In the last couple of weeks there was a mass shooting in Club Q in Colorado Springs where 5 people were killed (you have probably guessed this happened in the home of mass shootings the USA). Those 5 people were Daniel Aston, Kelly Loving, Ashely Paugh, Derrick Rump and Raymond Green Vance. Club Q was a safe space for LGBTQIA+ people and someone went in with some guns and started shooting and killing people. The thing (doesn’t deserve to be classed as human in my opinion) that started shooting and killing people has been formally charged with 305 counts, including charges of first-degree murder, attempted first-degree murder, assault and bias-motivated crimes causing bodily injury.

I’ve taken the names and other information about the charges from a CNN report. ( https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2022/12/06/us/club-q-shooting-suspect-charges/index.html )

After this disgusting event there were some religious groups that claimed that it was a good thing that LGBTQIA+ people were killed. They claim being a member of the LGBTQIA+ community is wrong and evil and gives you a direct ticket to the hot fiery place when you die. And that teaching children about the queer community and that queer people exist is indoctrinating kids to be a member of that community and sexualising them. Sane people know this isn’t the case.

Drag story time is one of the things that has brought out armed protests in America. Sane people realise that these events are aimed at children and are in no way adult. These are sessions when a drag performer reads a children’s book. These sessions are all about creativity, love and acceptance. The main lesson is that LGBTQIA+ people exist in the world and that it’s ok to be different.

Why do people in 2022 nearly 2023 still believe that people like me are wrong and shouldn’t exist?

Things like this aren’t just happening in America. They are happening all over the world. There have been things happening in Australia where events have had to be cancelled for the safety of performers and attendees.

All over the world people are being attacked, killed or even taking their own life because they feel there is nowhere for them to turn to feel loved, accepted or just get the basic level of help and support.

Things need to change and they need to change soon.

I have just found out that someone from the dance world that I was very close friends with has passed. She was an amazing woman. Right now I’m broken and don’t really know what to say or do. !It’s taken me 2 days to write that first bit and I’m still not sure that I got the point across that I was trying to make.

I hate having messed up emotions. I know I’m gutted about the loss of a friend. Im angry about the LGBTQIA+ things I mentioned earlier. There is pain, dizziness, frustration, anxiety and other emotions and feelings all mixed up in there too.

Here is a picture of Carol that came up in my Facebook memories today.

It just reminds me of all the fun and craziness that we used to get up to when out dancing.

Thank you Carol for everything you did for me. Love you Ma’ Baker

Normally this is where I would talk about everything that’s been going on over the past couple of weeks but it just doesn’t feel right. Maybe I’ll do another post in the next few day but right now I’m going to call it a day.

Love and light

PS, I asked some friends for help to check that I was getting my point across and that things made sense (I know they don’t always but this was important. One friend I asked said this and I felt it needed to be included:

Unfortunately it’s not just America. Brazil is one of the worst countries for trans related murders, some killed by family members. When we live in a world of binary and hetro constructs it’s difficult for those who live outside of those social ideas. The world hasn’t been constructed for non gender/sexuality confirming people even though it’s been a norm for millennium. Governments and political parties find it easier to put blame on minority groups to take the heat of themselves. Divide and rule. That way they keep their power. The individual doesn’t matter unless they can use them fir their own ends. In Uk there’s increase in hate crimes towards LBGTQ+ groups, partly because of people spouting crap and the wife of a BBC exec being a self confessed Terf.