Well we have a new member of the family. Meet Lucy

Lucy is my niece and she was born on Armistice  Day. She was a little early but everyone looked after her and my sister while they were in hospital.

Lucy is the reason I’m late doing an update. Only because I wanted to talk about her but had to wait for Katie and Adam to make the announcement first. She’s nearly 40 now and they’ve only just announced her to the world. (Bit of an exaggeration but hey, it’s me).

Other thing I want to talk about is anxiety and how badly it’s been playing up over the last few weeks. The past couple of days have been the worst, anxiety/full blown panic attacks. They have been over the stupidest things that I know are stupid. It’s just that thought grows and gets worse and worse and worse. One attack was while I was waiting in the car for mum who’d gone into Tesco. The weather was awful and I’d need my chair to get into and round Tesco. Because of that I would be wringing wet through by the tie I got there. The slightest noise dragged my attention, people walking past or cars going by, just the rain on the window started to freak me out.

Like I said, stupid. Even though I know it’s stupid I can’t stop stressing about it. The whole body fight or flight thing kicks in. The adrenaline starts pumping and my body just wants me to get out of that situation and because I can’t it makes things worse. Then for the fun of it my brain fog starts playing up and I don’t quite know what’s going on. I know I’m scared but things keep happening that makes me feel worse and it just keeps going on and on and on. One of those vicious circle things.

I did want to put a picture here of a vicious circle but can’t find one.

Another one is from the other day when a friend was giving me a lift home. The ring I was wearing came off. Just a ring and all that was running through my head is that it will roll under a pedal and cause an accident and then it would be my fault because the rings that caused the accident was mine. Again I know it’s extremely unlikely but that’s just they way my head works.

And another the came to mind is on Sunday night I had a full on meltdown because I couldn’t find my crystal. I use my crystal and twiddle/rub the smooth bit when I’m not feeling right. Because I wasn’t feeling right I wanted my crystal but because I couldn’t find it it was making me feel worse and worse. Eventually I found it in the car. And when I found it a massive release came where I could calm down. And because of that emotions were flying everywhere. I was happy I found it, sad that I lost it. Annoyed with myself for getting so worked up and there will have been a few more things in there too.

But today because I am feeling pants, did a covid test to stop the worrying about that, I’m clear by the way. Think it’s just a stinking cold. Because I’m I’ll I’m not planning on going to church tonight. But because of that I’m not there to do the music and so I feel like I’m letting people down. It’s pants. I hate anxiety, it’s shit. And because I’m taking about myself that way it makes the anxiety worse. I can’t win!

So crafty things, I haven’t done much, if any,  sewing. There has been tangling, colouring, card making , knitting, crochet and the use of Crafter’s Bane. Here are the tiles:

I also need to say I was naughty in church last week. I did some tangling during the service.

There might be some more but I can’t find them. On to card making:

One of those cards was really difficult.  I’m sure you can guess which one. As part of the card making I’ve been doing some colouring. Colouring the images to go onto the cards. You can see some of the colouring I’ve done on the cards but here is some more that haven’t made it on to cards yet:

I don’t really like the Robin I don’t think it’s looks right and it won’t be going onto a card. Considering I used pencil crayons I think they look cool. It’s the same with the penguins on the cards. I used alcohol markers for the poinsettias. On the house I used Crafter’s Bane, also known as glitter. I’m thinking of using some on the fluffy bits on Santa’s clothes but not sure.

That’s about it really, here is another picture of Lucy, my favourite niece.

Love and light

P.S. I forgot to say I made a toy for Lucy. A pink AArdvark