Oh my god! I’m sat here booing my eyes out, untangling cord and watching Queer Eye more than a make over. I love this program. I’ve watched all the episodes on Netflix already but watching them again.

Some of the things that are being mentioned in the program are hitting home. The Fab 5 are absolutely amazing and do some amazing work. They keep talking about acceptance, from friends, from family and from the rest of the world.

There is still so much that needs to be done in the world so acceptance is world wide. I’m not just talking about LGBT+ acceptance but all forms are needed, people of other races, religions, colours, creeds or whatever are all equal and everyone needs to accept everyone else.

One of the reasons Queer Eye hits home so much is that I spent a long long long time hiding who I really was and not accepting myself. I told my friends first, and that was scary as hell. Even though people are open, friendly and loving you still fear the worst. I was so scared I thought I would loose my friends and have no one to talk to about anything. Yes I have since lost contact with most of them but there is still the odd message or loving moment.

Then something happened that was even scarier. Time to tell the family well mum and dad. I’d not long since started the new job. As it was only across the road from the Trafford Centre I ended up spending a lot of time there and a lot of money. I had been using makeup at dance events to make myself look more human especially after lots of drinking and some very late nights. Ali and Charlie did it for me then but I decided it was time to learn how to do it myself. So a few trips round selfridges I became quite a regular at the MAC counter. They taught me a hell of a lot (being honest I haven’t done much with the makeup recently though) so one night finishing a bit late a work, I took a trip across the road.

I was learning and having my face painted then it was time for the journey home. Like I said I waited because rather than a 3 hour journey I could waste time and have a 20 minute journey instead. Because I had my face painted I just went in and sat in the front room. At the time I just didn’t care what anyone thought. When I got home and sat in the living room my mum said you’ve got some makeup on, is that not a bit gay? I said does it matter if I was. Then she said does that mean you are. I said yes. That’s when the fear set in. Am I going to be kicked out or what’s going to happen.

They were great!!!!! Nothing bad at all.

So In the grand scheme of things it’s not really earth shattering but there is that story.

Anyway back to acceptance, I’m here, I’m me! I’m strong and still standing. If you don’t like me well you can just go and

FUCK RIGHT OFF!!!

The other thing with queer eye is I think I have a bit of a crush. Antoni, oh my god. Very good looking and has a really nice personality.

I’ve also found two new hobbies, needle felting and macrame. Both sound old and giddy Duffy but I enjoy them. Well I think I do. All I’ve made with needle felting so far is two little hearts. That was fun but also painful. Getting stabbed by one of the needles is not a very nice thing and it hurt like a bitch. I have holes in my thumb and one finger. So so far the things I have made I have put blood and sweat into them. Maybe not the sweat but the stabbing did draw blood.

Macrame, I haven’t actually done anything yet. I have the rope, I just need to decide what to do with it. There are plenty of YouTube videos so I’ll starts there. I’m torn between a wall hanging or a tree of life. I might do both. The cord I was untangling I’m going to use to make macrame bracelets. Again just need to find a pattern/design I like.

The other day I arm knitted a massive blanket for my sister. We got the wool at the creative craft show. It was a bit difficult arm knitting it. That’s because of the weight and size. It’s looked something like one of these:

She likes it, just have another one to do for here. I’ll get round to it eventually.

Other things are I’m scared senseless at the moment about the B word. There’s talk of issues with the NHS, drug shortages and other stuff. I know I’m addicted to some of my medication, not from drug abuse but from following doctors orders. I hope that medication isn’t affected, it will cause no end of problems, not just for me but for others too. Im going to say something now that may lose me some friends but as I said earlier you can fuck off. The whole things needs stopping and Nigel Fuckface or whatever he’s called just need taking out and publicly flogging. I feel he has caused most of this, shut up and do your job. You are one of the elected people put there to do a job you say doesn’t exist. You have a say in that parliament that you say just barks orders, you have a voice there to say how things should be done, if you did your job properly there wouldn’t be an issue. Get on and do it, if you don’t want to do fuck off and let someone else do it. You seem to be against the theme of acceptance. The only person you seem to like is yourself and your bank balance.

I know I’ve said everyone needs accepting and I don’t t want to be a pig from animal farm and say everyone is equal but some are more equal than others but that seems to be what you and many others want to say and do. Apologies for the hurt, pain, fear and anxiety you have caused and get on with your job. If you did that perhaps more people would accept you! I feel really bad for saying these things and contradicting myself but I feel these things needed to be said. All I can do is ask for your forgiveness and acceptance then we can all move on. I accept that you have these views, I wholeheartedly disagree with them but they are yours and not mine and that is where is will be left.

Above all accept everyone for who they truly are, don’t try to change them into something they aren’t. Remember the true thing that connects everyone and everything is love, preach that loud and proud.

Love and light