Why is it considered rude to shout extremely loudly in someone’s face? All I want to do is tell them that they look like a shit drag queen (insult to drag queens, they have better makeup skills) and that they need to shut the FUCK UP!!!!!

Everyone does not need to hear every conversation you have on the phone or every fecking video you watch on it.

I’ve never wanted to do sciencey stuff before. But now, I have an overwhelming urge to build a faraday cage and lock you in it. And then, on the outside play a continuous loop of makeup videos from YouTube. You never know, you might learn something. But I doubt it.

Anyway……. we are back in Plymouth. We got back yesterday after an epic sail from Guernsey. I got an extremely rude awakening, but I’ll tell you about that in a bit.

So after Guernsey we went over to Jersey. DD was driving the boat as always but it became like a mad free for all when you could get in. On the waiting pontoons boats were like 5 or 6 deep and people all cast off at the same time to try and get a spot in the marina. One or two of the boats were going to stay outside as they were going off early in the morning. The rest though fought it out big time. It was like one of thing we YouTube videos on black Friday where people are hammering on the doors of the stores. In fact I think it was worse to be honest. We were there for the night and we then headed off to France the next day.

At cast or san cast one of the three. We went there next. We arrived mid afternoonish. I went to turn the radio off, I was getting a double whammy, charging my phone and listening to music at the same time. I fell over. I’m not sure if it was bumps caused by another boat going past or if I just fell. Well I fell, and landed on the floor. I have well and truly fucked my back up. It hurts like hell. I think I must have landed on it or something.

So there I was, in agony, tears streaming from my eyes sat on the floor near the chart table. I’ve just realised I’m making the boat sound all massive and posh. It isn’t the old girl is really like a caravan that floats. I still love her to bits though. I’m able to get round without using my stick, handholds everywhere it’s great. That feeling of freedom is soo good. I’m still using my wheelchair if I need to get round anywhere though in towns and stuff like that.

Anyway back to my plunge of death. Well over dramatic but still it hurt. While I was there straight away I couldn’t breath. Oh my god, and all the rest of the obscenities that flowed. I was thinking my back is broken I’m going to be permanently paralysed. Well yes I can move and still get about so not really that bad. The second day in France we went into the town. It was a nice seaside town in France. Very picturesque, it had a massive rock in the middle of the marina, that was interesting to look at.

On the way to the town was a path that ran along the shore. People had done some rock balancing. Didn’t get any pictures but they still looked cool. We went for a meal that evening. I had steak tar tar, first time I’ve had it, wasn’t really anything special but it wasn’t bad either. So no I can say I’ve had fillet steak bluer than the way I normally have it. My back was still killing and I think that it may have caused issues with my waterworks. Have the urge but nothing happens. That is really annoying.

Next day back to jersey, we were heading for Guernsey but decided rather than try a 48 hour trip or something really excessive the Jersey it would be. We were there for a night. We had a little trip round the town of St Helier. It’s like Manchester. Nothing at all special. Next day back to Guernsey.

That was a quick trip. No tides or anything to worry about. It was that that caused the problem the day before. We got there but stayed outside and didn’t go into the marina this time. Mum went for a shower and me and dad went for lunch in Dix Neurf. It’s a really nice, cafe, bar, bistro, brassiere place. Nice food and atmosphere. I did a bit of shopping while we were in Guernsey too. Got a new power bank. Also got some bits from Boots, some vodka and some fudge. Meal out again that night, mainly because some whingey arsed twat waffle wanted a lobster dinner. I didn’t think it was that great though.

Yesterday was the epic journey back to Plymouth and my rude awakening. Mum and dad got up and set off about 5am ish. About 5:30am waves were crashing over the boat. The night before I had my normal evening smoke (pipe) out of the roof rather than have to climb over mum and dad. When I went back in I thought I shut the hatch again. I didn’t do it properly. As waves were crashing round us one came over the roof and decided to find the not shut properly hatch and give me a cold, salty, seawater shower. Let’s just say I moved quite quickly when that happened and the were a few more swear words too.

So I got changed and moved into mum and dads bed. They weren’t using it. So snuggled down and got a few more hours kip. Then it was still a long day. I was in and out a bit, doing some knitting, some sleeping, some driving, some sail bits, watch a film on my phone, some sitting a bit more sleeping, some more of the film and some eating.

Long ass day crossing the channel. The boat left 5am ish and we got back to Plymouth about 9:30pm. It was bouncing all the way. Water work issues while bouncing across the channel don’t mix too well. We made it with no major issues.

Sailing about for two weeks without seeing much all the way back across the channel and then two dolphins came to play as we were coming back into the Plymouth Sound. They swam round the boat for about 5 to 10 minutes and then went off again. Was really lovely to see them though.

Today back in Plymouth, showers shave and trying to clean the boat. So having to live stuff round with a sore back isn’t the easiest. I all so had a bit of a blow at lady muck lying in state barking orders. It wound me up, she was going on about having no energy. She spent nearly all day in bed while we were coming back to Plymouth. And today she went over to the city how much energy does that use. So much. Too much in fact to do anything.

So after that I decided to sit in my wheelchair on the pontoon, smoke and write this. At the moment I’m finishing this off sat in a restaurant. The traditional end of cruise meal. Something that has happened at the end of every holiday on the boat.

As I was sat in my chair outside the boat I heard it was time to set off. So I did set off. Bit along the pontoon was a little ramp thing. What happens to this spaz. I go arse over tit in my wheelchair. Flipped completely backwards. Lay there on the pontoon was nice to see that people ran to help though. All wanted to check I was ok. I was so embarrassed, feeling like a helpless spaz. I managed to get up and stand my chair back up. Dad came along and pushed me up to the restaurant.

I think I have fucked my back up more, I’m embarrassed, feel like I could cry but trying to hold it together. Anyway nice meal coming up so look on the brighter side of things.

Hope my back eases up and I’m not looking forward to the trip home. M5, M6 they are crap at the best of times hope they’re ok tomorrow. Ganesh will be asked to help out.

Back to lady muck, how many photos do you need to take of the table, your glass and everyone else. The food hasn’t arrived yet, more pictures to come.

Here are some pictures from the trip:

Had to fly the witch too. It is for a sailing club but was flying it for all the freaks, the spiritualists and the people who do their own thing and don’t quite fit in.

Anyway, love and light all.

PS going out for a smoke from the restaurant I do it again, another back flip off the chair. Sore back, sore shoulder and sore knee. I’ll just have to give up.