I am bored of feeling like shit. Had an appointment today with the neurologist. That went well!

I’ve been mulling over this all afternoon. Basically I feel like I was told that it’s all in my head and because of the treatment I’ve had I should be fine and running about with no problems. I know this isn’t what he said but that’s all I feel like he said. So feeling like all the pain and problems I’m having are all made up and I don’t really have any problems.

The pain and the rest of the issues I have seem to disagree with that entirely. But I just feel like no matter what I say or do seems to fall on deaf ears. It doesn’t help that my emotions have been completely off recently too. Stress, panic attacks, anxiety and what ever else, Saturday my mum wasn’t too well so I spent all day panicking about it and her. The amount of times I ended up in tears was silly.

While I was at knitting on Sunday my sister came round to see her. Guess what? She took my mum to hospital. When I found this out the panic set in again and the tears started to flow. I was stressing and really worried about my mum.

Today I found out that she is being treated for pneumonia. No idea if it’s a chest infection that’s caused it or what. But I’m sending her loads of healing energy. I’ve also asked everywhere I can think of to send healing to. So if you’re reading this please spare a thought for my mum.

Because of everything that’s going on with my mum I feel shitty just for mentioning what I’m going through so keeping things bottled up which I know isn’t good. One good thing that came from today is the numpty neurologist decided that he was going to leave my pain medication up to the pain people. As the pain was there before the treatment he may finally believe that it’s true that I’m in pain. I’ll have to see what bull shit he decides to put in the letter when that comes through. The better thing is I finished my Koala.

I have a llama too:

I think I’m going to work on a tiger next. Or it could be a frog or something I haven’t quite decided yet. I’ll crack on with something though when I start feeling more human and less numb. And when I stop stressing about what the muppet of a neurologist thinks. I may not know how things feel properly anymore like emotions or anything else but I know when I’m in pain and feel like shit. So when I’m starting to feel normal again I’ll do something else.

Big it up, your opinion is the only one that matters and screw what everyone else thinks.

Love and light.