I’ve not been very good to myself

I started writing this the other day and I wasn’t having a good time. I thought I’d still include it even though I don’t feel that way any more.

Do you ever just hate yourself?

Do you ever just hate yourself and the way you react to things?

It was something minor, and I know the way I acted and dealt with it was stupid. But, I just couldn’t help it.

It’s been a bit of a rubbish few days. It started Thursday night at church. The medium that was booked got stuck in traffic behind a bad accident. So me and Pam ended up taking the service. I went in to it feeling great. The first message I gave went really really badly. I picked up on someone as normal started giving information. That where things went wrong.

While I was giving the information I knew it wasn’t right and didn’t fit. But I just kept on going. And kept being given No’s. It felt like I was taking forever and it turns out I was taking quite a bit of time. It got to the point where I had to hand off to Pam I then sat down to try and sort it out. Before I did that though I asked if anyone else could take the message but I got no answers..

Pam took over and started giving a message while I sat down making notes to try sort things out and get things straight. While I was making note and Pam was giving a message I was partly listening. Turns out everything that she was giving I was writing down. I passed my notes to Vanessa to see what she thought and she agreed. Pam finished her message and asked if I got things sorted so said that she just gave the information I got. The message Pam gave was to the people drain directly behind the person I was talking to.

So with that happening it gave me a major hit to my confidence. And you all know my confidence isn’t the best most of the time anyway. The next message I gave the people said was bang of and everything was correct. Bug one good message still does t cancel out the bad one, maybe that’s just me. I think a million brilliant messages would t cancel out the bad one. So with that happen ring I didn’t take it very well. So I was a little off but after talking to Tracy I felt a little better.

Then on Sunday. Me, mum and Linda went to knitting. That in its self was pretty un eventful. The blanket is coming along now. At the point of putting it all together.

So after knitting we went to drop Linda off at the cricket club. And this is where things went tits up. So drop Linda off and while trying to get off the car park we were in a little accident. Just a scratch nothing major no one was hurt. But me being me the panic started. I was in the back of the car and started freaking out. For some reason I just can cope with anything slightly stressful I just get panicy and start freaking out. Because I was in the back of the car and didn’t want to get out I just pulled out my phone and started playing a game. Stupid I know. I just wish I could have been logical, not panicked or started freaking out. I wanted to be there and helped mum sort things out but I just couldn’t cope with it.

So for the rest of the day, then Monday I just felt bad and panicked. The adrenaline starts flowing and it makes me feel awful.

That is why I hate being me and the way I react to things.

So that’s where I got up to. Monday night I went to bed with some crystals and had healing and everything else following overnight and on Tuesday I woke up feeling loads better.

That’s really the major things that happened.

I had an eye test and I’m getting some new glasses. I heard back from my healing tutor and I’m on for a very good pass with the things I’ve sent in so far so that’s good.

These are the glasses I’m getting.

So here are the tiles from the last couple of weeks

Zoe’s picture has been in TV

I made a card using one of the Tangling stencil sets as a base.

The card was for some new neighbours t hat moved in to a house across the street.

I’ve been doing a bite more parchment work:

I’m planning on using that butterfly on a card for Dad’s aunty and uncle’s 63 wedding anniversary later in the month. But knowing me it will probably change.

I’ve done little bits of sewing and made some doggy bandanas. One for Tilly and one for Zoe.