Last week I lost a friend and it hit me hard. It was unexpected and it’s the first loss of a close friend I’ve experienced. And it’s the first one I’ve experienced since my emotions went haywire.

When I found out I just didn’t know what to do, I was lost and felt confused and numb. Before typing this I didn’t think I’d processed things properly and as I’m filling up while typing it has confirmed my suspicion.

His name was Bob, he was the president of the church. I’ve known him now for about 7 or 8 years. I got to know him through church. We didn’t speak that much to each other but the was a deeper connection and understanding between us. He had his health issue and I had mine.

He had pain and mobility issue and I feel these thing helped each of us understand the other. I’m just glad that he is now pain free.

I found out last Sunday afternoon. I looked at my phone and saw a missed call and a message from another friend and committee member saying call us as soon as you can. So of course the way my brain works I was thinking oh shit the church has burnt down and it’s my fault or something like that. I didn’t expect to get the news I did. So I went back in and and started getting my things together.

Mum being mum clocked something was wrong straight away and tried to get out of me what was up. At the time doing the typical bloke thing of not wanting to show emotion or feeling I managed to say not now I’ll tell you when we get to the car. So we said a hurried goodbye to the other knitting people and headed for the car.

On the way to the car I couldn’t hold it in any longer and started to break down. When we got to the car I really struggled to tell mum what was up. The emotion took over and made it very difficult to speak. At times like that I literally have to force the words out and they don’t always make sense.

It took some time but I eventually got there and mum understood what was wrong. We just sat for a bit before mum drove home. On the way home mum said I best drop a message to the knitting ladies to say what was wrong then they didn’t worry about me.

After the initial shock and upset I started to calm down and had to tell the people in the development group what had happened. In the group most people knew Bob so it was only fair to let them know.

After that my thoughts turned to Dawn and how she was doing with the loss. She is understandingly taking a break from church for a while so she can deal with everything that she needs to. In the meantime the committee is looking after church.

Tuesday night was the first church service without Bob. It felt strange chairing the service without him there asking first. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to do it or not but as soon as the service started Bob was there making sure everything was running properly.

I felt him, the medium that was on felt him and so did Tracy. I made me feel better and stronger knowing he was still around looking after things.

We didn’t talk much he’ll always have a place in my heart.

Bob, here’s to you.

That’s why I didn’t post anything last week and just typing that has been hard but it has also helped me to feel better and deal with things. Talking about things or even just writing them down helps me so much I can’t even explain it but it is something I would really suggest to help other people. You don’t have to do it publicly like this but please talk to someone, don’t struggle alone.

Here are the picture of the tangles and cards I’ve made:

Knitting wise I’m still working on the blanket and now I’m on strip 8. It’s coming along quite nicely:

Love and Light