Well I think I told you about my trip to Salford hospital for the MS day and the near breakdown I had. If I didn’t never mind.

There has been more the last week. As in a couple of breakdowns. All for the sheer sake of having them. I’ve just really struggled this week. I’m not sure if it’s another relapse or what but that the way the cookie crumbles.

Panic attacks have been rearing their ugly head again. What fun they are. One of them was because my mum was doing Skye washing up and putting an oven tray away. The other trays in the cupboard decided to make a bid for freedom with a massive crash bang wallop. I was in the other room at the time and the bang decided to scare me senseless and have a breakdown. That was one.

Another was a normal evening. Well late afternoon really. Mum had just picked Harvey up from school and brought him round. Then all of a sudden Harvey’s Other Grandad decides to turn up. As it wasn’t expected it sent me into a blind panic. I had to get out of the way as quick as I could. I don’t mind people coming round as long as I know them and their visit is pre arranged. So I can build myself up to it. Otherwise it just totally freaks me out. So I dashed upstairs as quick as I could. Not that easy with sore legs, a walking stick, while juddering and hyperventilating.

I tried to calm down as best I could. I struggled. So thought I’ll go in the bathroom and have a shower. I needed to get ready for a trip out later. I thought the bathroom will be safe I can lock the door and the sound from the shower will drown out the sound of any voices from downstairs. Being a bit of a scruff bag I needed to have a shave as hadn’t had one for a few days. So I sat on my stool in the shower and decided to start shaving.

That was an experience. I’m surprised I didn’t go full on Sweeney Todd and slit my throat. Shaving whilst having the shakes and judders and random muscle twitches isn’t the easiest of things to do. Especially while using a razor as opposed to an electric shaver. How I didn’t cut myself I’ll never know. Finished my shower and got out to get dried and dressed. The voices still came up from downstairs. So I started huffing and puffing again. Shut myself in my room and started the search for my inhaler. It helps with the breathing. (Even though I’ve never been told I have asthma).

Then all of a sudden I heard the goodbyes come up. Thank fuck he’s leaving. So trundled downstairs. While in flood of tears in agony with my legs To my wonderful mother. She always manages to calm me down and sort me out. I love my mum. She’s awesome. My dads cool too.

So she sorted me out and then things carried on as normal.we went out and all was fine. Other than the obvious.

So yeah, recently I’ve started shuddering, juddering and having random muscle twitches. Walking or wheeling around with my left had hooked. I’ve no idea where that has come from. It is however an MS symptom. As I’ve never had it before I’m not sure if it’s a relapse or not. It could always be something else. I have noticed though it seems to get a lot worse if I’m in an uncomfortable situation, nervous about something, or something is happening with lots of people round me.

Anyway. I think I mentioned somewhere about trying to get a new phone on the apple upgrade plan. So try as we did I originally failed the credit check they do on you. This is despite have a very good credit score on a couple of different sites like ClearScore and Experian. The credit check failed. Booo. So after that my marvellous dad gets on the phone to Barclays the people who sort out the financial agreement. He gets told that the automated system they use failed me because we said I’m on benefits. It didn’t seem to take anything else into account. After talking to loads of different people they came back with the answer that we needed to do something called a hand hold application.

So me and my dad decided to take another trip back to the Trafford Centre to the apple store. Me thinking awesome it’s all gonna work and I’m gonna get a new phone. When we got there the nice girl that helped us the other day tried to help us again. So we explained the situation and said that she needed to do this special kind of application. She then said I’ve never heard of that I need to go and check. We though ok that’s fine. She then came back over with someone else, I’m guessing a manager or something. And he said they only do the automatic one. At which point the nerves started kicking in for me. My dad explained that we were given a number they were supposed to ring blah blah blah. The tried to call the number and nothing happened. I tried to call the number and again nothing happened. So they said if you’ve been pre approved there shouldn’t be a problem with the automated check they do. So again being extremely nervous at this point we went trough it again. This time though the nice lady tried it a little differently. She entered everything manually. And she said go a little bit slowly through the terms and conditions. So we did. And then……. the credit check came back as failed.

So by this time I was on the verge of another breakdown. I was managing just to hold it together though. I kept getting some support though from my dad. The typical man thing of a pat on the shoulder. It still helped though so it was good. By this time my dad was getting pretty pissed of with the whole thing and he could tell how it was getting to me. The lovely lady said right 2 options. You can walk away or you can carry it all on but in my dads name. We take the phone you have and it all carries on in my dads name and I just pay him rather than Barclays. So my wonderful amazing dad decided to do it that way. He sorted it all out.

So I’m now sat here with my awesome new phone. Thanks daddy. I’ve had it a few days now and I’m still not used to this Face ID thing and not having a home button. I’ll get there though.

Another thing I be found today completely by accident is a crystal sale shop on Facebook. It was a complete fluke. They were doing a Facebook live sale. It was all crystals. If you know me I’m a bit of a crystal nut. I love em. So I really enjoyed that.

On another note. I became a member of another crystal group on Facebook too. That group has been amazing. People just asking the group about different things. Like, what crystal is good for this or that. And how do you do this. It’s been a great resource. And I’ve also been able to help people on there too. I think I’ve loved that more. I like having a bit of a purpose. And these crystal Facebook groups are great as they are all positive.

Right I’ve waffled and rambled on for long enough. I think I should call it a day.

Love and light and see you all again soon.