1st blog post:
Well I’ve started a blog to talk about my life and other things. Some may not be interested some maybe.
A lot has changed for me over the past 12 months. I came out as gay to my family and some friends. I started a new job. I went off sick. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Here is a video a friend sent me that explains MS and what I’m living with.
So yes I have MS. My brain is messed up. Because of that I have screwed up emotions, I can burst into tears at the drop of a hat over the stupidest of things, I can’t cope with other people sometimes. I can’t walk properly, Sometimes I can’t talk or think properly either. It can be pretty awkward and life can be quite hard at times. I suppose I should tell you a little bit more about me. I’m 34 and live in Bury (you know, where black puddings come from) I used to line dance but haven’t done since May 2017. That’s down to the MS, I just can’t do it anymore. I still do other things though. I like psychic stuff and ghost hunts, I’m into alternatve therapies and I also like to make sugar craft flowers when I can.
Life isn’t all that bad. Yes I’ve stopped dancing but any change that need to be made are decided on by me. This bastard of a disease will not run my life, it can’t be cured but I will overcome the obstacles it puts in my way or I will simply change direction and go round them. I’m trying to be positive but it isn’t as easy as you’d think. I just nearly had a melt down because I lost a pill. That isn’t normal. I have an amazing family who are supporting me to the highest degree. I also have some great friends who at times tell me what I need to here not always what I want to. They tell the truth and don’t sugar coat it. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable but I know what they say comes from a point of love so in the end it isn’t bad, it’s actually one of them that gave me the idea to do this. I already had the website but I just had to change it. I’m going to be using this blog to talk about different stuff, I will air my issues and some times put the world to rights. I’ll do the odd deep thinking thing and the odd reading. I’ll also talk about crystals and other stuff too.
Decisions Decisions Decisions:
Why is it so hard to decide what to write about?
ive spent time over the last few days deciding what to write about. I’ve struggled. I’ve gone through assort of different things like talking about two faced people, the way some people have been with me and how I’m actually feeling. It’s been hard to decide what to talk about. So, this may only be a short post, but who know. I may just ramble on about things and it could go on for a long time.
Well let the rambling commence.
While writing it makes me thing about different things. Today hasn’t really been a good day. I’ve slept for most of it and been in pain. Had a a really sore back and a headache. Think the headache is from dehydration, haven’t been drinking as I’ve been asleep. The back pain, no idea if it’s ms pain or normal back pain. Took some tramadol a little while ago though and that seems to be helping. I’m also drinking copious amounts vimto which should help the dehydration.
I’ll just have to wait and see if things get better. But being positive, they will!
So as I’m using this as a bit of an online diary I’ll move on t talk about other things. I’m slightly shocked that nearly everyone I’ve come into contact with over the past few weeks has been so nice to me its almost unbelievable.People holding doors open for me and everything. There has only been one person that seems to have been off with me, but I had issues with this person beforehand. So I’m not sure if its Related to what I’m going through or if they are just continuing to be the arsehole they always were. Some people may know who this person is but I’m not mentioning any names unless the have been nice to me.
To give something a name, is to give it power.
As I don’t like the person, I’m not wasting my time.
It does seem strange though that I seem too see more of whats going on, Now I’ve taken a step back I don’t seem to get involved in all the drama or the politics. Why does it always happen. It’s harder to see when up close. Think everyone needs to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. People just need to see how stupid they’re being.
The support I’m getting from my friends and family has been immense. I know who I can count on and who I can trust. Like I said in my last post my friends always seem to tell me the truth, sometimes it hurts but as it comes from a place of love, its a good kind of pain. It just takes me a little bit longer to realise.
I love all my friends Duncan, Alison, Lucy, Sharon, Sharon, Katie, Shiv, Charlotte, Carol, Jamie and Emma. And I can’t forget Shiv’s friend and Shiv’s Friend’s Friend. Keep up the hard work and keep me on track. I’m also sorry if I’ve been a pain in the arse at times too. And that apology goes to anyone else I may have annoyed too.
In the words of one of my favourite songs, “I ask forgiveness, for the things I’ve done you blame me for”.
“Because I knew you, I have been changed for good”.
Here is a song for all my friends:
And Jamie, this song will always remind me of you:
Love and Light to everyone.
Tiredness can kill!:
Had a naff few days my back has been killing and all I seem to have done is sleep. Last night was the earliest night I’ve had for a long time. It had just gone twelve when I fell asleep. Woke up at 10 took my meds fell asleep again woke at 2 took my meds and fell asleep again. It’s been like that for a few days. I’m starting to go stir crazy. I need to go out and do something. Something that doesn’t confine me to the house.
I know I have a few appointments next week. The joys of another on of my monthly blood tests. Hope it’s not another stabbing like the last one was. That really hurt. It’s sad that I have a couple of tattoos and piercings and I hate needles. I have to look away when they do it, sad I know but hey ho.
What to do for the rest of today? Eat food, watch tv have a sleep. Why change what I’ve been doing for the last few days. Have King Arthur and the Legend of the speed on at the moment. It doesn’t seem bad. I keep thinking I should do something like meditation but if I do I would probably fall asleep. I just feel really lazy because of all the sleeping and staying in bed all the time.
If sleep wasn’t one of the only things I seem to be able to do, it wouldn’t be too bad. It just gets really really boring. My back is still playing up a bit but the red tiger balm seems to be helping and doesn’t seem to make me tired. I think it’s the partying from the past few weekends that’s catching up with me. I had a great time like but think I’m paying the price for it now. Suppose the best thing to do is rest up. I’ll get the energy back at some point. Just have to wait and see.
Trying to stay positive about things is really hard, especially as I’ve no idea how I’m gonna be tomorrow. I don’t know if I’ll be able to walk,talk or think. It can be pretty pants. I do think I am more positive now though than I was. If I had got this diagnosis 12 months ago or before it would have floored me and knocked me for 6. It has definitely opens my eyes though especially to the problems other people are going through.
Mental health is definitely something that needs to be talked about more. In every circle. It is so important, and effects anyone and everyone. No one should suffer in silence. And for the love of god never tell anyone to get over it and pull themselves together. That’s one of the worst things you could ever say to someone with mental health problems. People have said it to me in the past and I’ve wanted to slap them. I really do think that anyone who says that sort of think should be marched out and shot.
Break the silence. Talk about it. Get everyone you know to talk about it. It’s the only way to break the stigma attached. If it becomes normal and not an issues people won’t have the problem talking. There are plenty of good counselling services out there. I would recommend them to anyone. Do not let things get to far so there is no return.
Love and Light
The last few days haven’t been great.
My my back is still playing up, it’s really sore. To the point of reaching for the strongest pain killers I can find. Tramadol can make things better, well it lessens it removes the pain. Haven’t had any for a couple of days though just been using tiger balm which has helped a little.
The other major thing that has been causing frustration for me for the past few days is confusion. There have been times when I haven’t got a clue about what’s going on. Had a call yesterday from the doctor, he was trying to tell me what to do about increasing some of my meds. I had to hand the phone to my mum and get her to talk and find out what he was going on about. From what I can tell it was quite simple but it just did not make any sense to me.My mum had to explain it to me later. Normal ms pains have been bad for a couple of days too. Just pottering around the house has been painful. That’s if I know what I’m pottering about for. I think the pain has been making me tired though, think that’s why I’ve been sleeping a lot recently.
Had a bit of a trip out today with my mum. We went to the doctors. Whoop whoop. Oh what fun! I went to pick up a new sicknote and a prescription from a call the night before. The receptionist couldn’t find the prescription, she said it had been sent to the chemist. That means I just have to wait for a message saying my prescription is ready.
We also went to boots, I decided I wanted an electric toothbrush. Oh My God, they sell toothbrushes for £300. Some people have more money that sense. If it brushed your teeth for then fair enough but I think the only thing that made it so expensive was the fact it had Bluetooth. Why does a toothbrush need Bluetooth? It’s not like it plays music or anything. I just got a cheap one and it works fine.
Had my hair done this morning as well. Gone purple/red again. I like the colour. Got the sides and back shaved to.
When trying to load my laptop up, ggggggggggooooooooooooodddddddd it took forever. The fun behind a windows update. Why do these things take so long? We’re only given so much time on this world why do we waste so much of it either sat in traffic or updating things like computers or phones? Surely these things shouldn’t take so much time. Or am I just getting impatient and don’t like waiting for things.
While I’m typing this I’m watching restaurant stakeout. And it just so happens they are helping a guy that own a restaurant that happens to have Ms. Make me think how the hell he can do it. I struggle to move at times let alone anything else. How the hell is he running a restaurant? I realise most of these programs are fake and staged but still make you think. I know everyone is different that has this bastard to put up with but still wonder. I am going to go to the local support group at the end of the month though. I’ll be able to meet other people and talk with them about it.
I was worried about doing this post because of the problems I’ve been having. Didn’t want to put a downer on things. Guess it’s my anxiety playing up again. Anyway, it’s probably time for a bit of cheesey music. Here a song that always makes me smile:
Anyway, as always. Love and light
Last few days:
I know I’ve been quiet for a few days and now its time to make some noise.
So I’ve had an interesting few days. o start off with my back is still sore so spending alot of time in a drug induced haze but managed to go a few days without tramadol.
To start off with Thursday as a busy day for appointments. To start off with I had an appointment at the hospital with the MS Nurses. I also had one of my monthly blood tests. At least it didn’t hurt this time like the last one, and no bruises so far. Then in the afternoon i had to have a medical with the work occupational health people. That was an interesting event. They pretty much said I wouldn’t be fit for work (to do the job I was doing) for the foreseeable future. Was a bit of a shock! I want to go back to work and I’m getting very bored at home.
Friday was a lazy day at home during the day and went to the development group in the evening. Was good night. We had a bit of a practice for a fledgling night in a few weeks. The other good thing that happened was that my mum came too and was actually taught something. She managed to open up and she said that she felt my granddad for the first time. Its always great to see people feel the joys of working with spirit for the fist time. I think she will be a regular at the group in the future. Its cool hat Ill have someone to work with at home.
Saturday, another lazy daytime. Then went out with Ma Baker in the evening. We went for a meal then on to a social. The meal wasn’t that great. the service was so slow. I thing we had to wait for them to catch the cow, hang it for 21 days, mince it, make it into a burger, and cook it. They seemed to take forever. We booked a table for 6, yes we were about 3 minuets late but they still made us wait to be seated. So didn’t get to the table until about 6:20. Then we had to wait for the order to be taken. Then starters were quick to come out which wasn’t bad. We ate then and they took the plates away. we then had to wait for 45 minutes for the mains to come out. Trying to get someones attention to get a drink or something else was absolutely pants (with extra skid marks). When we had finally eaten we went on to the social.
The social was run by Mr Paul. Was a great night and got to spend some time with some people I haven’t seen for a long time. Alison, Lucy, Jamie, Emma, Mike and David. Of course I didn’t dance but it was ok just to sit listen to the music and chat. Of course the drinks were flowing too, which always helps. Then time to go home and to bed.
I’ve been wanting to post something for a few days but life just got in the way. I know this won’t be interesting to a lot of people but hey ho. I’m trying to decide what my next post should be about, I’m not really sure, should I do a general card reading for people, should I pick a subject and talk about that, I just don’t know. If you have any ideas leave a comment and let me know.
Hope you all have a great day when ever you read this.
As always love and light.
This is one of those things that means a lot to a lot of different people. It’s one of the 7 principles of the spiritualist national union. I personally don’t follow that religion but I’ve learnt a hell of a lot from it. I go to a development group at the local spiritualist church.
Anyway back to the topic at hand, personal responsibility.
This is all about taking responsibility for all of your actions and thoughts. Whenever you interact with someone you have to think about what you’re doing. Are you thinking nasty thoughts about them. Saying in your head I wish they would just shut up? Or thinking things from a loving perspective?
with any interactions with anyone you should approach them from a place of love,. Then the fruits from any endeavour will come to the best possible outcome. If you come from a place of negativity things just won’t work out and only negativity will blossom.
Everyone plans out how things will work, weather things happen that way or not is a different story but plans are still made. Thinking positively will help ease any tension. I’m sure there is an old saying about love being the strongest force in the universe and that love conquers all. I’m not trying to force this down anyone’s throat but if you think about it good breeds good and bad breeds bad.
To take responsibility for your thoughts words and deeds means exactly that. Be nice to people wheather you agree with them or not. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You have to think about how you interact with them.
Please, please, please come to everything from a place of love. Wheather the person has a different religion, gender, sexuality, race, colour or creed be nice. The world needs more love and togetherness. It does not need more hate.
i know someone famous once said an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. I can’t remember who said but I think it was someone like Ghandi.
To finish off be nice to everyone and take responsibility for your thoughts, words and deeds.
As always love and light.
Well quite a bit to talk about from the last few days.
I have started my Supermatural marathon. On season 2 of 12. Got quite a few episodes to go. Lol. I love this programme it’s on of my favourites. Already had a few series on dvd and some from iTunes but was cheaper to get the whole lot. Got them from HMV. Not been in there for years. Always good for a couple of DVDs though.
Had the joys of an MRI yesterday. It was one of the smallest machines I’ve been in. It was also one of the loudest. You could hear it out in the corridor, glad they gave me ear plugs and some headphone earmuff things to block out some of the noise. Why is it when your told not to move does your nose start itching? Anyway, after that mum and dad took me to the Trafford Centre for some time out of the house.it wasn’t too bad, especially as I only bought a boost.
I did have to buy some new wheelchair gloves yesterday though, the ones I had have started falling apart. They do get a fair battering though. I’m glad it’s the gloves though and not my hands. That wouldn’t be nice.
I also joined a social network for people with MS the other day and decided to post my story. Well my MS story anyway. Got some interesting responses, someone suggested changing my diet and a few other things were suggested to. Think that site will be an interesting outlet and a good place to ask questions. The Facebook group I joined a couple of months ago is turning into a bit of a negative waste of time. People seem to be doing nothing but moaning or slagging things off on there. They’re also saying how hard things are when it comes to claiming benefits and stuff (especially when they get denied). Yes life is not easy at times anyway, this disease can make things a lot harder. Stop moaning about everything and put that energy into doing something good with your life.
Ive also been having some bad anxiety issues of the past few days. It’s not nice when for no apparent reason adrenaline starts pumping round your body making your palms clammy and your heart race. Feeling scared for no apparent reason is so much fun! My mum has been doing a really good job of calming me down though. Shes ace, I love my mum. who doesn’t love their mum. Mums are awesome.
Not really been speaking to my friends much about my issues, they did ask that I don’t all the time. I honestly didn’t realise that’s what I was doing. I was though, since changing that part it’s does feel like things have changed for me though. It has sunk in a bit more that I have a problem and things have changed. It’s quite scary when you think about it. Especially when other people don’t quite understand what’s going on with you. Anyway, I still love em and they did the right thing by kicking my arse when it was needed. I trust them to do that and keep me going.
They are great, just miss them when I’m sitting at home on my Jack Jones. I feel like singing that song, “All by myself”. It’s all fun though. My phone is my biggest method of communicating with other people though.
Ive also decided on another thing I’m going to do to keep me occupied, I cleaned out my greenhouse. I’ve decided what I want to play. I just need to do it. I’m going to do tomatoes, cucumbers and some radishes. I also need to clean up the rest of the garden too. It’s a mess. Lots of weeds and dead plants.
This is what it looked like last time it was in full bloom:
It was a bit of a jungle lol. I did go overboard when planting last time. Won’t be doing that again this time though. I just need to decide on the best time to plant.
As always love and lighy.
I’m starting to realise I’m almost having constant adrenaline rushes. At the moment my anxiety is spiking. I hate it. The constant rush of adrenaline is getting on my nerves now. Trying alsorts of things just to calm down. Feeling scared or afraid for no apparent reason. It’s not great.
Yes it can be good at sometimes but not all the time. Felling all of you senses hightened and being on edge all the time is pretty pants. Tried the deep breathing thing, it sort of works for me but makes my dizziness worse. So can’t really win with that one. Talking to parents or other people can help, but when there is nothing in particular that’s scaring you doesn’t leave you much to talk about. Figuring out what triggers the attacks is a good idea to. But when it’s when almost anything is happening, even when you’re in a safe environment with not much going on it gets hard to narrow it down to certain things. I know I hate being surrounded by people, and hat people being behind me even more, there isn’t really anyway to control that though. Only option to that one is to spend my life in a corner somewhere. I’d probably end up rocking back and forth in no time at all. Some of the medication I’m on does help but not sure if I should speak to the doctor to see if any of it can be upped?
Brief meditation, tried this and it seems to work. Just not very practical all the time though. I find just making sure I’m centred and grounded is a massive help. This is great both spiritually and mentally. This is what I do (that’s if you’re interested lol):
To start with bring your attention to the souls of your feet. Imagine a beam of energy coming from the bottom of you feet. This beam of energy is coming from your feet and going to the centre of the earth. You imagine it going past all the caves and crystal structure in the earth. You could even imagine it going past dinosaur bones (like you see in cartoons). Imagine that this beam of energy touches a massive crystal at the center of the earth. When your beams of energy touch this crystal feel the energy of the earth coming back up thes energy lines. Focus on this feeling and you will become centred and grounded.
Thats what I do. There are loads of different methods all over the internet. I would always say find what works for you. Everyone is different, the same thing won’t work for everyone.
Wrinting this blog has been a great help for me. Just to focus on something else that’s positive can help a great deal.
if there are any techniques you use that work for you, please feel to share in the comments. Anxiety is a bastard, let’s work together and cut it down to size.
As always, love and light.
Well it’s been an interesting few days. Some of them spent in a drug induced haze and some of them asleep. My back is still giving me gip. Where to start, normally I’d say at the beginning as it’s a very good place to start. But that’s a bit far back. Tramadol is awesome though, I know why and by people get addicted to it. Anyway let’s start on Friday.
So got up as normal, got showered and dressed and went out with my mum and dad to the local MS support group. Was an interesting session. Got some exercises from a physio, that was cool, helped my back a bit too. It did tire me out though. We then went to replace the bag for my wheelchair. It had torn at one of the seems to they just replaced it no issues. Got to have a wonder around the Miller Care shop too so wasn’t a wasted journey. They got home and had a well earned kip.
Friday night was an interesting night. Had a fledgling night with the development group at the local spiritualist church. I got to be a platform medium for a little bit. Only have one reading but got some wonderful feedback from the lady afterwards. She said everything was bang on and it was one of the best readings she’s had for a while. That made me feel awesome even though I was tired and in pain.I knew I was tired cos I was starting to get confused by the simplest of things. I have no idea now what I talked to that lady about as I never remember info from any of the readings I do. The best bit out Friday night though was the fact I finally got to have a kebab. I’ve wanted one for ages and finally got one. It sounds weird but it actually made me feel better when eating it. Maybe greasy junk food is a good cure all?
Nothing much happened for the rest of the weekend. I pretty much slept through it all either that or I watched supernatural on the tv. That’s about it for my weekend.
I’m trying to decide what I should do with this blog. Do you think I should do the odd general card reading? Should I put some stuff on here about different metaphysical things, like psychic development or info on chakras etc? Or is there something else I should talk about? Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.
As always Love and Light.
I’m Confused and MS sucks:
Well it’s been another strange day today. I’ve been confused about things again. I hate it. Being confused is pants . I’m starting to know what someone with ADD feels like. Just going through a normal day and then getting side tracked by something small and pointless. It’s just like Guyton said “ oooo squirrel”.
Something shiny catches my eye I’m off. Hate it. I can be having a conversation about something I used to know inside and out and then all of a sudden I have no idea what I’m talking about. There are times of clarity though and they’re like there’s nothing wrong. It’s so weird, never know when it’s gonna happen but it does happen a lot more when I’m tired and my speech goes then too.
Its like earlier today, all I did was put a log on the fire and sat back down again. I was out of breath and got really tired. Glad I had my puffer handy or things may have got worse and a lot more uncomfortable. They aren’t great at the best of times, they will get better though.
The weather has been bloody aweful recently. It’s like the middle of winter. Red warnings all over the place. It’s like a bloody Dickensian winter. Just half expecting to see little match girls on the street or Bob Cratchet to walk down the road carrying Tiny Tim. It’s bloody aweful. The wind is howling and the snow is falling, things are changing and closing and the usual bullshit is going on Facebook. The latest one I’ve seen is that car insurance is void because of the Red weather warnings. It’s all rubbish, just a quick google shearch shows the truth. If you’re reading this please check any facts before you repost them. Sooner or later it will come back to bite you in the arse if you don’t.
The next thing I feel like talking about is one of the big issues of the day. It involves America and one of the stupidest things in the world. Well in my opinion anyway. Gun Control. Yes you heard right, it’s absolutely atrocious what happened to those kids in Florida. My heart truly does go out to all those affected by this tragedy but feel that thoughts and prayers from the people in charge is not enough and does nothing to console the people affected, or to put the kids that died to rest. Something really should be done.
I think I found the solution though. Not that anyone important would read this or take my suggestion seriously. The other day out of interest I decided to actually find out what the second amendment actually said. In my opinion the thing that so many gun lovers seem to cling to could be their very undoing.
“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed”. The very wording of this talks about malitas, and as far as I know there aren’t any well regulated ones in existence. To me, the very sacred law that they all cling to should be enforced to the highest degree humanly possible. As no Marita exists no guns are allowed. When militias start to be formed they are subjected to the highest possible checks. The slightest infringement of which should demand the militia is shut down and guns returned or disposed of. I know this would be hard to enforce but think it could be worth a shot. Pardon the pun.
Almost going stir crazy being stuck in the house because of the weather. As I have issues walking it wouldn’t be safe for me to go out. I did say to my mum earlier that she should just pull me round on a sledge, she just laughed at me. The closest I’ve got to going outside is standing in the porch looking through the window, having snow balls thrown at me by my nephew. It was cute. And I was on the other side of a glass window so didn’t get the full blast of the cold. Standing in the porch on a tiled floor wasn’t that nice though. The cold made my feet hurt.
Anyway, that’s enough of me rambling and ranting and it’s time for me to go. I wish you all a good night (or day, depending when you’re reading this).
Love and Light to one and all.
I’m getting really bored of all of these late nights. Wouldn’t mind but they are so boring. No one to talk to, all there is to do is watch tv. Only so many times you can watch the same episodes of family guy or American Dad. Gets to the point we’re I can’t get through the day without an afternoon nap. So because I have a nap it means I’m up most of the night. Can’t win either way. I’ve managed to get through 6 and a bit series of Supernatural though. Just having a bit of break from it as it’s pretty much all I did when at home for the last two weeks.
Need to find things to do to keep me occupied. Any suggestions would be welcome.
Had a good day today though. Well should say evening. Finally got the ball in to my earring. Only been trying for the past four days. I didn’t even really want to change my earring. It’s just that the screw ball from the one that was in unscrewed itself and fell off. So put a captive ball ring in. Thought it would be simple with no issues. I was wrong. Had the ring in for a few days and really struggled to get the ball in. Tried tonight and it worked. I found the missing screw ball as well. I was happy with that.
ive also been playing with some crystals for the last day or so too. Haven’t done that for a while. I got some new crystals too. A nice piece of Blue Lace Agate, Stone of sactuary, a merlinite thumb stone and a large rose quartz worry stone. Loving the thumb stone and the worry stone. They are ace. I made myself a new bag of tricks too with a few different crystals for different things. As I’m suffering from a lot of anxiety at the moment I decided to include some crystals for that and a couple for other things too. The merlinite is supposed to be good for helping with psychic work, I’ll be using the thumb stone the next time I do some work. In my bag of tricks there is alsorts of crystals, have things ranging from Vogel type wands to Labradorite.
I think I need to start doing some more personal spiritual development. I need to start using my reiki again too. I think playing with the crystals is a good step in the right direction. Some personal work with reiki and Karuna shouldn’t be that hard to do. Just need to use some of the time I have plenty of. Some meditation wouldn’t go amiss either. Can do loads of stuff with that. I can go off travelling, meet guides, angels ascended masters and all sort of other things too.
Not really looking forward to the next couple of days though. Thursday I have a trip to the hospital. Another one of the many blood tests I have to have. They are so much fun. Just hope they don’t stab me like they did the first time. Friday is a trip in to work for an official meeting about the occupational health meeting I had a couple of weeks ago. The communications I’ve had with work though have been pretty positive though. Just nothing I can do about the way my mind works and fixates on things. Anxiety about the stupidest things.
Anyway enough about the random things I get up to.
As always love and light to all.
Well what to say about the last couple of days. They have been interesting that’s for sure. Lots of things have changed for. Some in good ways and some in not so good ways. One of them is a bit hard to talk about. But one of the reasons of this blog is to tell the truth. So that’s what I’m gonna do.
I have become a jobless bum again. This time though it’s for medical reasons. I had an occupational health meeting for work a few weeks ago and they said it’s unlikley I’ll be fit to do that job for at least the next two years. Had a meeting in wa to on Friday to go through the report and discuss with them the next steps.the meeting was hard. We talked about a few different things especially about how I am doing. So I can’t walk properly sometimes and I can’t talk or think properly. Luckily though I managed to keep the voice together during the meeting though. So that’s a good thing.
I need to be selfish for a bit and focus on me. It’s feels a bit strange. In some ways it’s a bit of a weight off my mind to say I have now finished working there. Part of me feels that I should be worried and stressing that I should be looking for a new job. I suppose though that’s down to being programmed that way for such a long time. Since I finished college like a million years ago I’ve always been of the mind that I must work. And get a new job as soon as the old one is finished if not before. Everyone keeps telling me, well the family have said that I need to calm down and focus on me for abit.
On the plus side though I am getting a bit of a pay off though. I’m finishing on a capability basis because I can’t do what I was contracted to do. As most of the jobs in the company could severely impact someone’s life if they’re done wrong. I wouldn’t be able to cope with it if I made a mistake. It is less stress though I don’t have to worry about going back and and going in for meetings or anything like that. The other good thing that came from it though is that my manager, the wonderful person that she is, said that if I get back to some sense of normality I can give her a call and there was a chance of going back. That’s good I suppose.
What else have I been up to recently? Well, I’ve been doing an insane amount of online shopping. I really need to curb that habit. I’ve been buying everything from an essential oils to new earings and even some forceps. To help getting some of the earings in and out.
Had a trip to Winfields with my mum today. Got a present for her for mother’s day and something for me. Even managed to get some Kendal mint cake too. Always a bonus to everything I suppose. Only thing about the trip was it absolutely shattered me. I was so tired after it. Must have been down to the walking about I did. Now that does seem silly to say that something I used to be able to do with no issues is now so hard.
Today was my mum and dads anniversary. They have been married for 45 years. That is amazing. Well done to them both. As it’s their sapphire anniversary I got a small sapphire stone for them. Yes a bit more online shopping. They seemed to like it. A nice little keepsake for them.
Anyway enough of the insane rambling.
Love and light.
And so it begins
Well it’s been a few days since my last post so it’s probably time for another. Not that I’m regretting doing this in the slightest. I’m finding it a good outlet for feelings and stuff like that. I have noticed though that posting on Facebook does seem to have reduced slightly. It hasn’t stopped me trawling through it though. And I still add the odd comment here and there.
For the last few days I haven’t really done much, other than sit at home watching TV and sleeping. I’ve been doing lots of that recently sleeping that is. I have had an interesting day today though. I’ve been helping someone close to me to take the first steps along there spiritual path. It’s great to help people that are into that sort of thing. I love it and feel it’s a great thing to do. Well it keeps me occupied and out of mishchief anyway.
Today was just a bit of talking about different things from a psychic and mediumistic point of view. Helping people understand some of the basics. We talked about different psychic abilities from clairvoyance to claircognisence. Talking about energy and chakras and stuff like that. Tomorrow will be different again and get to actually do some work. I haven’t decided what yet but it will come to me at some point. As Yoda said “meditate on this I will”. It will come to me, spirit will help and point me in the right direction and tell me what we should be doing. I know it’s going to be interesting and exciting what ever happens.
I don’t really have anything else planned for the rest of the week. Other than getting my hair done on Thursday. It needs doing. The colour is fading and the shaved bits are getting long. It is looking a bit mop like at the moment though. That’s partly through laziness though on my part. If I’m not going out anywhere I don’t see the point in doing anything with it. I know this time though I want to go for a bit of a brighter purple though, the one at the moment is a bit more red than purple. There isn’t really anything wrong with the colour it’s ok. I just want a brighter purple. At some point though I do need to go and get one of my piercings redone. I had to have it taken out at the hospital a few months ago because the skin had healed over the back of it so I couldn’t take it out. All fun though, nothing to worry about, guess it was just the earring was too small. Shit happens, you just need to carry on.
I could say that about a lot of things really especially my health. MS sucks but you have to carry on. My meds are still being played with though. Well get to the right point at sometime though and find the right balance. On the good side though I haven’t had to have any tramadol today. My back still twinges every now and then and I may have to have one later but it does seem like it’s getting better. It’s about bloody time. I suppose though that having nothing immune system means things take longer to heal. I had cracked lips for ages. It was so annoying. I went through that much lip balm it could have put Boots out of business.
Short and sweet post today but hope everything is well and going good for you.
Love and light.
Lonely, I am so lonely……:
Having a bad day today. Major anxiety attack earlier. Other people in the house and it’s stupid to say that I felt so scared it’s unbelievable. The logical part of my brain was screaming don’t be so stupid. I just couldn’t help it though. I just had to curl up in a corner in my room. Knees under chin and everything. Hated it. It’s when the adrenaline starts pumping round the body it doesn’t help a all. My flight and fight response seems to be messed up. I know I need to do something about it but not sure what. It’s pants. And hate talking about it, just makes me feel worse.
The main reason for this post though is to talk about feeling lonely. It’s just the way I’m feeling at the moment. It’s crap. Message other people and don’t get a reply. I know they will be living their own life and they are probably busy but it’s sad that when you don’t get a reply you start thinking what have I done wrong? I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong but it’s just the way you start going over everything, and any interactions that you’ve had. Analysing every little thing to see if you made a mistake somewhere. Just when you go over every little thing. You start mulling over everything. Hate it. It’s pants.
But that’s the main reason I started this blog. To talk about feelings and stuff like that. Well partly anyway. Was going to talk about psychic stuff too.
Well I don’t have much to talk about from the past few days. I haven’t really done much other than bits of online shopping. Which I really need to calm down with. I’m spending a small fortune on stuff. I did however get my hair done today though. Had it all cleaned up and gone to a proper purple colour. I really like the colour. Just hope it lasts and doesn’t wash out and fade like the last colour I had did.
The possible highlight could be the mystery gifts I’ve got from groupon. I have no idea what they will be so it’s gonna be a surprise when they eventually get here. They should be good anyway. I know I need to do some more shopping but there is a reason for it. I need to get some more sleepwear. Got some from Asda need to get some more shorts that I use to sleep in. I need some more juice for my e cig to.
Any way as always love and light. Just remember (pepridge farm remembers) that’s if you’re a family guy fan. If your lonely or depressed talk to a friend and get help.
Fatty fatty fatty:
Well I’ve spent the last few days in the kitchen.
Yesterday I had a bright idea to make some hot cross buns. No idea why, it was just one of those things I decided to do. I looked online and found a recipe and set off. Followed the recipient like a good boy. Only issue being I didn’t have the fruit that normally goes in them. So another bright idea came to me. Use some dried strawberries and some dried apricots. It sounds like a nice combination doesn’t it? Well! They didn’t rise or prove properly. Either time I did it. Was done in a nice toasty room and everything. And then when it came to cooking them I forgot about them and they burnt a bit. They weren’t like lumps of charcoal or anything they just came out as a dark brown. And after that they still weren’t cooked through. Still raw doughy bits in the middle. It won’t be a recipient I’ll be doing again.
Suppose though it’s just another reason to despise the celebrity chef I already dislike especially after trying his crap recipe.
Today on the other hand was a bit more of a success story. I made a big fat Jam Rolly Poly. Suet pastry and everything. Steamed for about two hours. Had it with custard. Oh my god it was good. Made enough for the family and I’ve had no complaints. Mum even said “I may have to try some more to make sure it wasn’t poisonous”. That was a really nice compliment. The sad thing is if you can call it that is that my mum and dad are both on weight watchers. Well my dad decided to point up a portion of the pudding it came to the grand total of 15 points. They both still ate it though lol. Well they will probably have to starve them selves at some point during the week. Well as it’s a diet it will be a “fast”. As someone in the family decided they didn’t want any of course I had to man up and have two pieces.
I had to take one for the team. Oh well. Guess I’ll be getting fat. I’ve only eaten a small sandwich today though aswell as my tea so it won’t be too bad, I suppose I should have a Diet Coke to cancel it all out. Lol.
The other thing I’ve done this weekend is start a sourdough starter. I said to my mum and dad that it’s the start of a new family heirloom. I’ll let you know how that goes. Anyway, hope you’ve all had a great weekend.
Here is a picture of my Jam Rolly Poly to make you hungry love and light:
Things I’ve done!:
Well I have a fair few days to write about.
The sourdough starter. Well it’s going well but it sort of exploded out of the jar the other day. It actually decided to rise a massive amount. It was in a kilner type jar and decided to ooze out all over the side it was living in comfortably. Well it was saying it’s ready to go I suppose. Well I decided to to clean it up. Pop it into a bowl, get rid of some and feed it up again. The issue being I got rid of a bit too much. So its almost like starting again. But hey ho it will be ready to do something with soon.
I did make a foccacia the other day though. I followed a river cottage recipe. Didn’t have any rosemary so used loads of garlic and a sprinkle of dried mixed herbs. It was well nice. It tasted so good. I nearly polished the whole thing off. Only one issue with it. It did come out a little burnt. That’s cos our oven is quite powerful. I won’t cook it for quite so long or on a high temperature like I did.
Well there you go. Doesn’t look much. But tasted so good.
Other things that have happened.
Well got some new earrings. Some really nice pretty one. I managed to destroy some too. Let’s just say plastic earrings don’t mix to well with surgical spirit. It dissolves them. Well learnt something new there. Got metal one this time though so they should last a lot longer. Here is a picture of my earring collection:
I really like the big curved spiked ones. I think they look cool.
What else have I been up to? Well had a trip to The Trafford Centre. Got some more make up to add to my collection. Some funky coloured eye liners, purple blue and green. I also got some black lipstick and a powder highlight and countour kit. Not all in one day like. Spread out over a couple of trips. I think I have to much now.it will all get used though. Not that you want to see my mush but here’s today’s look playing with some of my new products.
There is one more thing that I think people need to talk about and that is the amount of crap that people post and share on Facebook. I’m talking mainly about all the incorrect, fake or made up stuff. I’ve seen a few things recently. One of them was about how the government has cut some benefits. This did make me panic. I’m living off the government at the moment mainly because of this bastard of a diseas I have. I’m unable to work so I was worried about losing money. This seems like a reasonable thing to worry about. What I found out is that the picture or meme thing or what ever you want to call it was actually something they did last year. So a sigh of relief. I’m relatively safe. Yes I could do with some more money, couldn’t we all. Another thing I’ve seen is pictures of the House of Commons. A few different pictures with captions saying things like this is the debate of the war in Afghanistan, the picture showed only a few people there then there is pictures of full House of Commons almost bursting at the seems etc. The caption said debating mps pay and the other one said debating amps expenses. It didn’t worry me but looking into it it turns out the pictures of a full house are of the opening of parliament after an election and debating something else. Both reasons to have a full house. Basically it was showing that all the pictures were not what the captions said. Showing that it was more bull shit. It’s the fact that things like this are just shared by people without even looking into them. It really annoys me when this sort of thing happens. I just really beg that these things stop and that all people take the personal responsibility to fact check anything they post of share. Yes everyone is free to post what ever they want on social media. Whether it’s a rant, and emotional out poring or what ever. This goes back to one of my earlier posts about personal responsibility. Please please please check the info of whatever you’re sharing. If it’s right no issues. If it isn’t don’t share it. Easiest way is to check the comments on the original post. If they say it’s crap it probably is. Please stop the spread of hate and fakes information. I may not like everything that’s posted but if it’s right and correct it’s not as bad.
Anyway quite a long post with a few pictures but there you go. Love and light.